You never made me happy.
Though you heard me say it, you never made me happy; not once... not ever.
Instead what you heard was falsities...
A lie, a mask, a good ******* play at ‘happy families’.
You never made me happy.
I lived in a bubble of illness and not the kind I could see a doctor for.  
I painted masks across my face for you, sung a sweet lullaby of ‘I’m peaceful in this second’.
But in that second you were suffocating me, boxing me, moulding me, caging, controlling,
Ensuring I wouldn’t leave.
An exuberant ‘I’m happy’ should’ve translated more appropriately to ‘I want to die and be reborn’.
You made me sick and I wanted to die.

i am in a haze today. it is cloudy and beautiful outside. it is also pressing down on my chest and i struggle for air. i wore your shirt to bed last night and it helped steady my oxygen supply. i wish you were here to say my name and speak to me in my native tongue to remind who i am and where i've come from. i'm forgetting everything, slowly. recreating yourself is only good when you haven't done it five thousand times over. i just want to be me now. but how do i become me if there is no you? pick me up from the library and walk me to class. hold my hand and tell me that you will stay with me no matter how grey the sky is or how cold my fingers feel.

I told you I loved you
When I didn’t love you
Not yet

I told you I loved you
When I didn’t love me
Not yet

I told you I loved you
When you didn’t love you
Not yet

I told you I loved you
When you didn’t love me
Not yet

I told you I loved you
When I did love you
I didn’t know it yet.

I’m in love with you
When I take every breath
I know now.