I wake this morning still
wishing for sleep,
there is a strange hue in the air,
I find it suffocating.
I go about my day but my head is heavy,
the weight of it makes my shoulders ache
and my shins cramp.
It's strange how in this blue mood
the ocean waves don't soothe
but crash in assault
and the sand's too hot beneath my toes,
the sun seems to smirk its happiness
and the clouds too white, seem to form
shapes that smile.
Nature argues my gloominess, but I argue back,
I see not pretty shells, but sharp edges,
I see grass too wet with dew,
that'll leave stains.
People on the pavement seem to wither
on my approach,
they see it in me,
this gangrene infliction of bitterness
that offers only isolation,
and they back away with fear.
I head home counting cracks
in the pavement, and I lay my sorry
head back on a pillow,
too hard,
and pray that tomorrow
upon waking.........
its feathers don't poke through.

Ashtrays over flowing once again
my lungs breathe in argument
how many bottles were consumed
in last nights red tide abandon

it shows itself in
scrunched
paper mache *****
that litter the floor

Remington ribbons
dehydrated
akin to my grey matter

we both yearn for a chalice
of inspiration
to rouse the "click clack"
of old abandoned keys........

When grey skies cloud my mind, he shows me how the sun can shine.
When loneliness takes over, he places his hand in mine.

When my teardrops produced rivers, his shoulders provide my dam.
When my confidence deserts me, he reminds how clever I am.

When at night I feel a chill, he cloaks me in his arms.
When fear takes a hold of me, he protects me from lives harms.

I shall always love him, his smile, his gentle ways.
My husband, my lover and my friend, forever throughout our days.

My time with you has come to an end,
It's time to say goodbye my beautiful friend.
You were my confidant, my ear,
A shoulder for my tears,
My insanity, my sane,
My sun when there was rain,
My laughter, my fears,
You held through the years
And though this battle fought, is lost
My memories of you are forever embossed
For I know we will never truly be apart
When I need you here, I'll just place my hand on my heart
I'll look to the sky and see you there
Search my memories, that with you I share
And Although I wish this day had not come
I know now you're at peace, your pain now numbed


Au revoir my beautiful friend, Allison.
I'll love you now and always

I walk with you
through fields
of thorn

my bare feet,
bleeding

bearing the
lesions
of Wednesdays

where your footsteps
ceased

no longer leaving
behind trails......

You wear shades of hospital green in a room chemical white
I see you there but you are not....
raw arguments of mortality lie at fragile wrists
your hands still tremble, yet you sit stoic
your vacant eyes registering no one, no thoughts
nothing of yesterday turmoil

enforced prescriptions anaesthetize the voices for now
and I breathe....the first in a long time
refusal doesn't hold counter here

shall we regain the old you or are you lost now in eternity
within your own cure....

words spoken
yesterday

percolate
in sleepless
clouds

until morning
brews
filter bitterness

bringing about clarity..

moon pulls the traveller
along sea beds and tides
cloaked from adversity
in black ink disguise

an uncurling of limbs
leave us all in a trance
she moves with pure grace
in her hypnotic dance

amputations of limbs
embrace freedom in kind
regeneration of self
leaves old paths behind

Your fingers mourned
in grey hues of regression
veins saturated by
malignant execution

We spoke final words
of love and sorrow
for there was no chance
of another tomorrow

Your pulse now peals
a toll of liberation
away from this pain
and cruel devastation

I shall weep for your hour
and what it reminds
your chime now silenced
by mortality's binds

Your promised me once, of butterfly dreams
Mountains of comfort and loves gentle streams
to hold my hand as we aged through the years
to gather me in your arms and shadow my fears

you lied...

your promise of love, comfort and affection
came burrowing down in a shower of rejection
fists to the face, painting me black and blue
our children watching on, fears all they knew

for years I remained, hiding your shame
the ridicule, the judgement, all part of your game
beaten down by your angers infliction
I could see no escape from my own crucifixion

but I did..

and today I look back on all the hurt and the pain
I forgive and lie to rest your restricting constrain
I never thought I would find a Love I deserved
but I have and my sentence with you is now served.

Au revoir to my past
Bonjour to my future

she meets me in mirrors
and escapes from my eyes
she leaks from bathroom taps
in unwanted baptise
she lies heavily on my pillow
when at night I try to sleep
I wish for her to leave me
so I no longer need to weep

I don't want to put faith in love again
I keep my circle small now
choosing carefully,
deciding if they are worth
dying another death of my own.

I am afraid that once more death
shall steal them away
placing me in pews of hard wood
where pink tulips and white lilies
adorn caskets and tears fall.

I don't wish to write another eulogy
nor attend another wake, where yet again
we drown our sorrows in shot glasses
and feigned smiles.

I have reached an age where friends fall from trees
like brown leaves in autumn
my circle shrinks slowly, my days grow greyer
and I just don't want to feel this pain any more....

Custodians of death now hold me captor
I shall not grieve for this final chapter
I'll embrace his arms and close my eyes
and bid my loves, my final goodbyes

Life has not been all good blessings
many days I've spent obsessing
over painful scars that left me sorrowful
and the ones I've caused that leave me shameful

I've now given grace to my transgressions
accepted freedom through my own confessions
forget this life and all it's frailty
and sail eternal winds of tranquillity

Leave me now to breathe my last
take me where I have no past
roaming through our constellations
awaiting my next destination

There should have been love involved
but it was only ever about mind control
Who is that, why are they calling now?
500 hundred questions ending in a row

it should have been an indication.....

Going out with you beside me
dressed to the nines, your devotee
Get up to dance, your not amused
others watching, **** accused

it should have been an indication.....

Money spent on groceries, grilled
Medicine bills, car refuelled
so I could affirm I did not betray,
receipts expected every day

it should have been an indication.....

head through the windscreen of the car
because I spoke with someone at the bar
you never loved, you only chastised
your jealousy had never been well disguised

now I know your reality.

I bore your burden
upon my shoulders,
thinking I alone could save you;
but you never really want saving,
from the start.

You relied on me
and I allowed it,
your selfish ways are now apparent,
dragging me down to be your saviour,
I was in denial.

My needs ended,
you became my martyr,
a guilty conscience, all consuming,
you feed me lies and used my ways,
to benefit you.

But now my eyes
are suddenly open,
I release your weight from my shoulders,
I leave you to your own awakening
or your own demise.

I bid goodbye
to an imposter
not to a friend, I thought I'd fostered.
I bid you well and hope that you discover
a simple fable like no other,
can help us cut the ties that bind...

She stands behind the bar
make-up plastered
thigh’s to large for
her mini skirt
All's quiet
the races are over
only the lonely
don't desert

She saunter's over
to the old man
Eyes hidden
beneath akubra worn
dog-eared
speckled dusty
he don't care that
the edgings torn

His glass empty
she auto refills
a new schooner
so it doesn't sour
he sips slowly
never gulping
saving his pennies
for the midnight hour

Slow music,
plays through the speakers
a bluesy feel
she wants to dance
but another customer
feeling thirsty
interrupts her
mellow trance

Final call
stools empty as they
race to the bar
for one last shout
She lock's the doors
clears the lines
then pours a drink
for herself


Midnight hour
all's empty
cool rooms hum
with rhythmic chimes
Lights off
she sits in darkness
just a lonely barmaid
at closing time

shall you fill the void
that continues to dissipate in
fields of marble stone

do you merit
untapped eulogies
and carved numbers
of tomorrow

do I sacrifice myself
to an intimacy
undiscovered

or quarantine myself
against death's
brutal amputation

everything,
even friendship
has a price to pay....

Scatter to me to wind
let me float along
the breeze
and travel where my body
stunted
could only dare to dream

Let my loved ones feel me
not just somewhere
but all around
not sitting dusty
on a shelf
Nor buried within the ground

Let me travel distant hills
and glistening valley streams
let me walk upon a sandy shore
Catching waves like tumbling dreams

sunrises and sunsets
dusty outback road
I'll tumble with the wild ****
unto a fresh green lawn
just mowed

Let me whisper the
I love you
as I did each and every day
let me curl myself around you
with the butterflies
at play

Let me swirl beneath
the old oak tree
the one with the tyre swing
and let me watch the children
laugh and play
and join them as they sing

Let me dance between
its bright green leaves
let me climb its weathered
bough
travelling free like a bird
through the here and now.

Let me cast no shadows
let me feel torrential rain
let me float along a
Summers breeze
until we meet again.

When angel filled flowers
return to remind
of fathers
forget me nots.

We are never given the hour,
when all words that needed to be spoken,
were told to be said.

That hour passes by and we are taken to
another time, another hour,
spent mourning loved ones.

Your time stopped at 2am....

now I'm left grieving, not only for you
but those lost words, those lost moments,

stolen by the clock
that no longer chimes.

Truth hesitates in distraction
for scents of yesterday
leave whispered hues
that stain my teacups

I sip parts of you
infused forever within china bone

chamomile symphonies
belie your absence
for I waltz with you always
in tranquil dawns pause......