We drove down memory lane
Cigarette cartons scattered at our toes
Trying to end our days with the setting sun
We switched lanes.
Our teeth chattered in the wind
Car top down, my top off
Our fingers blue and our eyes red
We took the wrong exit.
Dangerous turns down dangerous streets
Doors locked, windows up
We recognized the signs at first but
Something changed.
The engine sputtered and your hands tightened on the wheel
I tensed, my shoulders locked just as our eyes did
And we crashed.
Our hearts skidded on the pavement
Road burn kissing our skin so gently
And just as the sun was gone from the day
So were we.

I cannot recall
Any recent night
Where my dreams were
Disturbed(by you).
I cannot recall
Feeling anything but
Relief when I see
You with her.
Knowing I'm finally free
A feeling of serendipity
Losing you was my
Most joyous mistake.
The solution was never
To try and erase your
Drawings from my walls
It was to paint over them.

Needles on my skin
Needles on him
Oh god, I’m so sorry.

Etching words of love
Etching words of trust
No, don’t ever worry.

A painful conversation
A painful detonation
Darling, I’m sorry.

Little did I know
Little did he show
A misunderstanding.

Taking me to bed
It echoes in my head
“When it rains, it pours”.

But I will be okay
And you will be the same
Today was not our day.

God, I weep for you
Your eyes peer into mine
I melt at your touch
Though I’ve never felt it
I dream of you consistently
It is all for naught.
You drift further back
Slowly but surely fading
Purple bruises adorn my arms
Wounded.
Though you smile still
My eyes well up with tears
We see each other in a different way
Love has many meanings.
I dream of what we could have been
There was never any chance
I never had a chance.
Self deprecation,
Per usual.
I never wished to be hurt
I never wished to ruin what we had.

One can feel okay
And at the same time
Feel trapped
Lost in the woods
Or up high in the clouds
Cumulonimbus demons
Pouring blood into the streets
Soaked up and dried out
Are you still okay?
A smile means many things
Happiness
Excitement
Agony
As long as you can lie.
It’s hard to understand
How it feels to drown
Drown in sadness because
We have different shoe sizes.

You can disguise even the ugliest person
With a smile.
Pretend you’re human
Pretend you’re sane.
Pretend you help others
By gliding the blaze across their skin
“Hey, at least it’s not down”.
Create your own storm
Sturr up the debris
And smile for the camera.
Thrash at her scars
Her weaknesses
Take advantage of her trust
It will be gone soon.
No one stays gullible forever.

****** lungs
Breathe fresh air
Exhail ashes
Cough your dust

Scream my name
Your fatal flaw
Brings me
Pleasure

Mirrors shatter
Bones snap
Life will continue
Without you.