We are the Pilots of our plane
Navigating this Life
Through the trails and terrain.

When life is kind,
The path is clear like blue skies.
But there are times when our travel meets turbulence,
It can create chaos and a erupt disturbance.

Do we fight the storm, or continue our flight?
Maybe we need ground.
To take a break, and get our bearings down.

When our head is in the clouds
And we don’t know what to do,
Sometimes it’s best to rest rather than move.

The clouds do fade,
The rain doesn’t stay,
Although we might wish things could change,
Good things do come to those who wait.

We are still the Pilots this Plane
Even if our forecast tells there will be wells of pain.
If not alone, then together we will weather
any atmospheric pressure that comes our way.

Am I having an out of body experience?
I don't know what's happening
I think I remember what happened
God I shouldn't have taken so much
Why do I dance on life like this
Will I be okay?
I hope not
Are you okay
By now, probably
Sometimes I remember you
And I miss you
I still hate you with all of my heart
But do I still love you?
"You didn't use to do that"
No I didn't
How did you notice that
Something so small and invisible
You saw something in me
You noticed
I did change
You changed me
And I'll never be the same

last week, (i) spent almost every waking moment by your side,
yet my needy heart somehow still missed you terribly in the minutes and spaces in between.
the loneliness had started to find its way back again,
and i think maybe the fire in your soul was the one thing bright enough to burn it away.

or maybe that's not true
maybe it was (just) that you had started teaching me how to light my own matches,
beginning with the night you kissed my scars and read them like braille
and i was hopelessly drawn to the idea of outshining the universe,
since the last thing i ever (wanted) to do was weigh you down with all the ways i wasn't good enough

see, i used (to) feel irretrievably lost, laying awake every night wondering whether i was, or even could be, a good person
because we always (say) that life is short
but someone once reminded me that it is still the longest thing we will ever experience
and i am slowly realizing it might not be too late to become someone (i) don't regret seeing in the mirror every morning,
someone i don't mind you seeing.

this is also a brief apology for writing less lately
poetry was my medium for romanticizing reality
but it's getting harder and harder to create anything more beautiful than the (love) that's been glowing brighter in your eyes
and words can't seem to capture the way (you) smile like it's impossible to stop

i guess what i'm trying to say
is that you were always (too) good for me, miles ahead of the curve
but i would run beside you my whole life
if it meant that one day, i could finally be the kind of person you deserved

There were things that she never said
She knew my heart had already been fed
But time had passed without a sound
And she hoped new lands were to be found
The man she thought who loved her well
Was a lost island that would never tell
She always loved him the way he asked
Then he would stare at things that passed
He left one day when the sun came up
And she knew because he took his cup
He traveled far but he never left town
It was his confusion that brought her down
She climbed the stairs by herself that night
There was nobody who could explain his fright
She never could hear the things he tried to say
Until the truth decided it was to be that day
She found the bed they shared crying alone
The man she loved became just another one
She heard a song about hanging by a rope
Somehow she decided there was still hope
She could only think of being found that way
What if it was him who came back to stay?
She asked Jesus to send her one more dove
Because to die like that is not to live for love

, but depression seems the more obvious
topic to exhaust recently.
and i went running this morning to feel less fat
and stretched afterwards in a short-winded burst of resolution.
An hour later i collapsed into the arms of a friend
and exchanged ambiguous signals with him until night fell:
(he wants a friend, i want a kiss, you see).

I'm actually happy right now,
energetically kicking the can down the road.