I wrote a poem for you the other day but ill never give it to you
Just like i wrote you a letter everyday that i felt your memory swipe at my brain stem that month of June
You left footprints when you walked out unknowing that i could follow but as time wore on the footprints began to fade and so did you..

This is what I see when I look at you,
someone that the world has beaten down over and over
yet this has only made you stronger instead of a victim

someone that has pulled himself out of the darkness countless times
only to have it make him brighter

I see someone who has been lost with no direction
yet created a map through the unknown to guide you home

I see someone who has fought
someone that gives his all
someone that loves so hard he sometimes forgets to love himself

I see someone that has the world waiting at his fingers tips
someone that deserves peace
someone I am more than proud of

I wish you could see yourself through my eyes

You know, I think that maybe you were the right person at the wrong time


maybe you were the right person in the wrong lifetime

it is said that in the seconds leading to death life flashes before your eyes
but mine didn't

it is said that this disease is a silent killer
but I have never heard a din so loud as the chemicals consume my brain

it is said that 24% of people relapse within the first year

I was a statistic

I wasn't strong enough

but this time
I will not be a statistic
because I am not who I was

The strongest earthquake ever recorded was a 9.5 on the richter scale
the ground began to shake
quivering at first rattling the tea cups on the shelf until
buildings began to crumble like they were made from a deck of cards
falling to the ground into heaps of rubble

sometimes I feel like I am stuck under the rubble
weighing down on my chest
crushing the air out of my lungs
but I think somewhere along the line I got used to it
made peace with the fact that no one was going to find me

They say it is a silent killer
but I have never heard a din so loud as the chemicals consume my brain
the voices in my head screaming for more
coercing my conscience

"just one, wait, that wasn't enough, a little more.. just a little more"

over and over
the cycle repeats
again and again

My heart is racing
my body is numb
I exhale
all the hurt
all the haunting memories
gone

over and over
the cycle repeats
again and again

"just one, wait, that wasn't enough, a little more.. just a little more"

see, I loved you with everything I had
and I know you loved me the best you could without loving yourself
you were fighting demons of your own design
doing everything you could to calm the eternal flames rising from your core

I spent years begging them to possess me instead
years fighting for you to love me in a way you couldn't

in the end, I got what I had been begging for

now, I am trying to dampen the flames rising from my core
fighting demons of my own design