He loves me, he loves me not
We're meant to be, or so I thought
My heart is broken, the pain is real
I long for peace, from all I feel

I fake a smile, so no one knows
I mimic strength, lest weakness shows
I refuse surrender, I stand and fight
I must succeed, and so I write

The ink it flows, pours from my pen
It heals my heart, and I can breathe again

Minutes into hours, hours into days
The love I held so tightly, starts to fade away
The pain begins to lessen, the tears no longer fall
Seemed misery was forever but it's not that way at all

Those nights you haunt my dreams
Are now few and far between
When memories overtake me, I know I'll be alright
I know now what to do....and so I write

The ink it flows, pours from my pen
It heals my heart and I can breathe again
Yes, I can breathe again.

Mediation is an art
                 Combining mind and heart
              sitting still and saying om...

    Dancing, biking, making love..OD-ing on adrenaline

             Whatever clears your head of thought
              And brings you to a centered spot

                                         Which path to take is you decision
                                        I can only offer words of wisdom

I feel like I'm drowning
No one can stop me
No one can help
I will die of my own accord
I've lost all control
I can't swim anymore
I'm losing everything
My mind, my heart
Every person
I'm becoming crazy
An animal
Everyone is sure to run
That's all they ever do
If they try to stay
They get hurt or
I push them away
I can't stop it
Everyone has just been fake to me
Who can I trust anymore
Is there anyone
Can anyone hear this silent cry
Can someone see this hurt
That I'm dead inside
I'm not hiding
It's the real me
Not a fake version

How can I live?
It's so hard
To just make it to the next day
You know it's gotten bad
When your only sweet relief
Is either death or cutting
Or feeling any pain
When you need pain to
Just get though the day
When everytime you try to do something
It makes life worse
What can you do
When you can't escape
The nightmare of the day
Not even when you sleep
When no one understands
What can you do
When people just give up
Because you're too much of
A mental case
I'm tired
Tired of people leaving
Of people getting tired of me
Of people hating me
Of people being fake
Of me
How can I escape myself
I need help
But no one can help
Cause the only people that
Can help are
Dead
Maybe I should follow
Maybe then I can escape myself
From this hell
The war going on in my head
The war for my mind and soul
I'm tempted
The trade would be much better
Than this
But for now I guess I'll try living
Even though it's so close to
Death

People don't know
Why I do what I do
Why I cut
Some people think it's disturbing
Some think it's for attention
And some just tell me to stop
But it's not that hard
I guess I could've stopped it
Way back when
But now it's too late
I'm addicted
Why do you think anyone does drugs
It's not because they're cool
It's to numb all feeling
To help
Depression is just as addicting
So is cutting
It started how any addition would
With just one time
One time became at least every month
Every month became maybe every week
Now it to the point where I do
Anything to feel pain
It's the control
You can control the pain
If you feel pain on the inside
There's no way to control it
But on the outside you can
You can cut lightly
You can gouge your skin
Whatever you need in the moment
I don't get why we hide it
Maybe we're ashamed
But we shouldn't be
Because it's not us doing it
It's the repercussions of an illness
And it's people's faults
Because they put those thoughts there
They make us hurt
We just are trying to deal with it
So when someone trys to tell me
Just stop
I tell them
Its not me that's doing it
It's them