Kat Pan: Favorites

Jun 2017 Kat Pan

Fenix Flight

Little Carole Jean
You were born to early
Only 20 weeks and 4 days into my pregnancy
Born without a heartbeat

I held you in my arms
So tiny so fragile
8.6oz and only 21 inches long
But so beautiful and pure

You had your daddy's long legs
And my annoying chin
Nine Perfect Baby fingers
And Your tiny feet so cute

I'm so sorry babygirl
That mommy couldn't protect you
I failed you little one
Please can you forgive me.

I see how Daddy cries for you
His eyes show how much he misses you
You were his world, his little princess

I miss you so much
I miss you growing inside me
Watching your daddy wrap his arms around my tummy
And say he is on protection duty

I wish I could have watched you grow up
I can picture you in my mind
Dark unruly red hair
And bright blue eyes like daddy

Your dad would have had to chase all the boys away

I wish I could wake up from this nightmare
And erase this whole last week
Look down and see my bellies small bump
Can I go back to when things were good?

Rest Easy Carole Jean
Be safe up there ok?
You have a whole lot of people to meet you there
And a whole lot of people still yet to come

I will see you again one day
Until then please be good.
I cant wait to hold you again
And I know Daddy can't either.

We will be a family again one day
Until then you are always in my heart.
I will NEVER forget you
I dont think I ever could

I love you daughter
And forever always will
You are with me for eternity

My little baby Carole Jean

My daughter Carole Jean was born 5/26/17. Weighting 8.6oz and only 21cm long. Born still but never the less Still born. I love you babygirl and Mommy always will

#still #born #pregnancy #loss #miscarraige #baby #daughter #child

Apr 2016 Kat Pan

when i feel alive

Apr 2016 Kat Pan

Kathryn Paige

when i feel alive

I love days like today—
when flowers are
being pressed
between the crinkled
pages of my
notebook, and
blades of grass are
sticking to
my bare feet.
I'm humming a line
from a song
I can't remember
the name of,
and the sun is
peeking through the
space between my
blinds.

And I can't help
but to feel alive
when I'm marveling
over all that's
surrounding me.

-k.p

Mar 2016 Kat Pan

Dancing With Darkness

Mar 2016 Kat Pan

Gidgette

Dancing With Darkness

The shadows held me under the moon
And I danced with darkness last night
In my bare feet out in the cold
I finally stopped searching for the light
Darkness cradled me tenderly
At last, I conceded
I always thought it was the light
I had so desperately needed
We danced wildly under the stars
Darkness and I
For the first time in my life
I had no need to ask why
I knew I belonged
In the nights cool embrace
The dew and the fog
Softly kissed my face
The shadows and stars
Watched with great pride
As I finally gave in
And became the nights bride

Mar 2016 Kat Pan

Good, Better, Best

Mar 2016 Kat Pan

Eugene

Good, Better, Best

The moment I saw you,
The moment I stare at you,
The moment you smile,
I was hypnotized.

The way you speak,
The way you laugh,
The way you express,
I was mesmerized.

The day you notice me,
The day you smile at me,
The day you greeted me,
I was nervous, I stuttered.

I don't know how to express,
I don't know how to say,
I don't know to bubble,
of what I truly feel.

You are affluent, I am not.
You are articulate, I am not.
You are famous, I am not.
But, deep inside? I like you from the start.

Staring at you is enough,
Waving at you is good,
Liking you is better,
Falling in love with you is the best.

#love #crush #inspiration

Feb 2016 Kat Pan

close || 26/02/'16

Feb 2016 Kat Pan

Murredith

close || 26/02/'16

Love isn't the endless colours of confusion running through your mind on a lonely Friday night thinking that without them, you'd be nothing.
Love isn't the messages they send you at 4 AM because you're sleeping & they miss your body sprawled all over theirs in a lovely mess of lust & fascination.
Love isn't purely the cute dates in blanket forts with loud music & ugly fights with disagreements followed by rude names.

Love is your best friend who brings you hot chocolate in the summer & ice cream in the winter because you love them both all year round.
Love is the beautiful baby of a stranger in an ugly stroller passing you on the side walk today who happened to be the only one to shine you a smile.
Love is the girl who ordered from you two weeks ago with the most beautiful curly hair & her politeness stuck in your mind as you endlessly wonder if she made it home okay.

It's important to love & trust me I love so many new people each & every day. You should too.
Love someone's shirt because it doesn't suit them but they wear it anyway.
Love someone's smile when it's raining but they're dancing.
Love someone's kindness when they're treated like dirt.
Love someone's eyes when they catch you from across the room.

Love people, every day, all the time. There's something to love in everybody & if you find someone with everything to love in them, hold them close.

#love #eyes #beauty #summer #winter #smile #music #dancing #sleeping #baby

Feb 2016 Kat Pan

Something New

Feb 2016 Kat Pan

Alice Baker

Something New

Dear self,
Tonight is hard.
You are being flooded
With memories and dreams
And your soul is heavy
With self doubt and destruction.
Your hangs heavy
With thoughts of disgust
And the emotional scars
Sting just as much as the physical ones.

But hey

You are tracing old marks
In your skin
Please, Do not repave them.
Remember all the nights like these?
Your lonely tears will wash away.
And while I cannot promise you that tomorrow
Will be better
But it will be new.
Every path we make
Will diverge into unknown territory
And I promise
You will smile
Again

#love #self #depression #hate #anxiety #hope #night #new #mantra #ego