I sit in an ordinary seat
in an ordinary office
with an ordinary will to live
and a cactus
I am surrounded by people with ordinary habits
and clothes
the window is opened at the usual angle
and the volume of the ringer is on default

we look at each other in an ordinary way
(No love/ no anger with a dash of hope)
we have families, lovers and cats in ordinary numbers
(They calmly invade our minds on our tea-break)

we work shoulder to shoulder sweating
with no fear of Evil or God
we have no ink in the printer, no problems, no money
no elevator

we have similar names, ordinary haircuts and shoes
we have a receptionist who eats carbs
the second floorboard, the one on the right as you come in after you punch the code and give it a good tug
is squicking

I am told that’s new

I swore I wouldn't do it again

I did it again

I hurt him again

I can't fix what I've done

I've cracked his trust three times now

I'm drowning in guilt

I swore I'd never hurt him

I did

I wish I could go back in time

Back to before all this happened

It's all my fault

All of it

I want to make myself feel pain

Like I made him feel

I need to make myself pay

So I don't do it again

I can't bear to lose him

Although I didn't deserve him in the first place

"I'm sorry," doesn't heal ****

I don't know what to do

I'm lost in my own pain

And the fact that I've hurt the one person I never wanted to hurt

I'm so close to losing him

I don't want to **** up again

help me, someone

anyone

But when he asks what's wrong,

I say

"Nothing."

Dancing somewhere in the shadows, behind whatevers in the way,
Her thoughts spin quietly,
As if shes afraid of knowing what to say,
They jump and fall and press themselves to the tip of her tongue but courage or lack thereof reminds her what must be done.
The words she uses fit perfectly like the notches of a key fit a lock,
Her application is where the art is,
Delivery as gentle soft rock.


I just wanna know,
Everything you wish you had,
Everything I'm not for you,
And everything he is,
Is there something I can do about it?
Or is it just the proof in the pudding that I'm supposed to be alone?

When he strums do you have the urge to tell him,
"You're definitely not allowed to do that"
And when my arms are wrapped around you is it his voice bouncing around in your head that drowns me out?
Lately I don't know which parts of me you'd keep if I fell apart,
Or which you would trash because you have no use for them.


She always tells me 95 percent,
And vague as they can be listening to her speak her words is always time well spent.

This letter I write to myself.*

Accept it. It's over, and it's never happening again. Did you really expect it to work out? Did you really think lives change for the better that fast? Did you really think you wouldn't **** up?

You always expect too much from people. You believe in the kind nature of humanity not realizing it only exists in a select few. You have to stop being so naive.

You knew she was too good to be true. Sometimes it's wise to listen to reason instead of the heart. The heart is a selfish entity that tends to take us down uncertain paths that, mostly, end in pain.

Well, now it's time to pick ourselves up, dust ourselves off, and move on to the next path. It'll all be better before we know it.

I wish this loneliness
would leave me alone.
I am legally blind, a metaphor for my state of mind
I like to keep people at bay, say, do all people carry dismay?
I look at her *****, it's like a potent revolver
Warm, wet, scratched, and half-seen
I wish I was a problem solver.

I wish there was somewhere I could go
To be alone with the universe
To feel the stardust coursing through my veins
Lie down in my own corner of the earth
Soak into every blade of grass, emerald and jade
Generations brushed against my skin
Paint my eyes every color of the sky
Vermillion and gold and endless blue
Settle in to rest when the glory of day gives way to dusk
Pull up the cover of night around my shoulders
Quilted in black and pale moon glow
Dripped in crystal constellations
Galaxies between my fingertips
Gentle peace of eternity stretched before me
Fill my dreams with worlds unknown
Carry me away somewhere void and vast
Leave me with the stars and never look back

junkyard patchwork
mismatched symmetry
residue recalled to life

a tale of another city
one stanza at a time
reborn to dichotomy

should fate reveal
passionless existence
would poetry still be written

mania means blackouts.
the violent situation
mania.
all the symptoms were there.
short fuse.
irritability.
full blown,
mania.
all of the time.
mania.
i couldn't sleep.