My age is such a disrespect to how old my soul is
I've been 16 for 6 months now and I have learned so much
But really,
the lessons That can only be learned through experience;
Those started 3 years ago
In 3 years I learned just about enough to be set for the rest of my life
That makes me sad
I've always been different you know
Open minded
Non judgmental
Free spirited
Wild hearted
Rebellious
I thought about things in a different way
My intellect is and has always been one withholding infinite depth; at 13 years of age it was greater then my ability to differentiate from what was, what wasn't, and what could've been
I was definitely way to independent for my own good
I don't think that being a 13 year old made up of all those things was good for me
But I guess there's not much I can do about that considering the fact that all of that is left in the unfortunately non changeable and non reversible thing called "the past"
I've felt way to much pain
I've been treated way to poorly
I've been used way to much
I've been taken for granted
Touched in unpleasant ways and wiped clean of confidence, trust, and security
There once was a time were I was able to feel
You know that type of feel you only obtain once in your life
And then I experienced my first heartbreak; it was as if I died for the first time
I remember the feeling as if it was still living in me
I found myself dried out of tears sitting on the floor staring at millions of tiny broken grey shards of glass .. I realized that I was staring at everything I was that had now been ripped from me; all of my many colors and my perfectly whole self was broken and grey lieing in the floor without life
it felt as if a knife was stabbing right through my chest and my loungs were filling with blood
slowly I was bleeding out
everything that I was; my innocence, the love I had yet to give was draining from my soul & hopelessness took over me for I did not know how to make it stop
2years later
Many deaths later
Here I am
Empty
You might think:
"she's only 16 how could she be stuck in such a hopeless dark whole? How could her loungs be filled with such thick smoke composed of intoxicating and fatal desolation"
Truth is that's exactly how I torture myself every second of my dam life;
With that same question
How could I have let my past **** me and shape me into what it wanted me to be?
I should of fought for myself
People keep telling me to fight but I'm not really sure if there is anyone left to fight for.
16, Beautiful, Damaged