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 Nov 2014 Julie Butler
brooke
Dirt
 Nov 2014 Julie Butler
brooke
A tale of two, of three, of four -
but focused just on one.
Sixteen years
Five thousand tears
Cause the dirt to become undone

I emerged a fragile rose
Craving nourishment, sunlight
You were the thorn under my nose,
The storm in which the wind blows,
And I could not survive at night.

(My petals leak,
my stems are weak,
you can crush me
- it's an easy feat)

But from the rose a garden grew,
You began to see me shine.
I still was not as big as you
So you took all that was mine

I grew back time and time again,
standing straight up on my own.
I am no match for the stronger winds,
you see - I still need a home

(What roses need -
what you can't give me,
is a home that's always
filled with beauty)

The silence had become so loud,
it created a bigger storm,
I watched my rose fall in the ground,
the dirt I now had formed

But from the dirt, as I had been,
sprouted a smaller tree.
A quiet, lovely evergreen,
to become the biggest you would see

(My branches grew,
stronger than you,
I only need me,
I finally knew)

And from my tree standing tall -
I learned only this way -
I never again saw myself fall,
My roots would not give way.

We come from the same dirt, you and me,
But I became something else.
I became something you could never be,
someone who could help.

(I'm far too strong,
you could not be more wrong -
you'll tire yourself out
before you bring me down)
 Nov 2014 Julie Butler
december
I want to outline your body in red paint and turn it from a crime scene to a cathedral
If looks could ****,
I'd be a villain
 Nov 2014 Julie Butler
Monika
He won't tell you he loves you. He will not look at you like you're the universe or the sun or even the smallest star in the sky. He will not show up at your doorstep at two a.m. and he won't give up his seat for you and he won't make you mix tapes. But he will stay up talking to you, making you laugh and sigh when you're almost falling asleep. He will be thousands of miles away, but whenever you feel like your lungs are filling up with smoke and you forget how to breathe and your hands get sweaty, you'll think of him and feel okay again. You'll write poems about him that he will never read and he'll listen to your favorite band and tell you how much he hates their music. He'll show you new songs to listen to and you'll love all of them. A baby bird will die in your hands and you'll never stop thinking about it. This is how he will leave you. Two years later you'll still love him even when you're no longer lonely. You'll dream about his eyes and you'll find it hard to understand how he left before he was ever really yours to hold. You'll be okay without him but you won't be happy, and that little bird won't ever leave your mind. He'll never leave your mind. He probably won't think of you because he has someone new he can hold. Someone with brighter eyes and a wider smile and whenever she asks about you, he'll smile but he will only say, "all I remember is how much she loved this really ****** band."
 Nov 2014 Julie Butler
Monika
THE LAST TIME I TRIED TO WRITE ABOUT YOU I HAD AN ON AND OFF HEADACHE FOR A MONTH AND THAT WAS OVER A MONTH AGO TELL ME WHY I'M WRITING ABOUT YOU AGAIN AS IF I DIDN'T LEARN MY LESSON AS IF MY HANDS AREN'T STILL NUMB FROM THE DAY YOU LEFT. I'VE STARTED DRINKING COFFEE IN THE MORNINGS I KEEP THINKING IF I FILL MYSELF UP WITH THINGS YOU HATE MAYBE I'LL BEGIN TO HATE YOU TOO BUT INSTEAD I HAVE THIS ACHING FEELING IN MY CHEST I SWEAR THERE'S A BLACK HOLE ******* UP ALL THE HAPPINESS THAT'S LEFT AND I NEVER HAD MUCH TO BEGIN WITH BUT NOW THAT IT'S GONE I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH ALL THIS SADNESS. MY LUNGS ARE FILLED WITH SMOKE I THINK I'M DROWNING I CAN NOT BREATHE AND I DON'T NECESSARILY WANT TO BECAUSE I DON'T KNOW HOW TO LIVE WITHOUT YOU. I DON'T WANT TO SAY MY HEART SHATTERED THE DAY YOU LEFT BUT YOU MUST HAVE THROWN ALL THE TINY LITTLE PIECES INTO THE DEEPEST PARTS OF THE OCEAN JUST SO THAT I COULDN'T FIND THEM. SO THAT I WOULD BE MISERABLE WITHOUT YOU. I'M JUST TRYING TO FIND MY WAY BACK HOME ALTHOUGH I'M NOT SURE I HAVE ONE ANYMORE, BECAUSE I GOT SO USED TO LIVING INSIDE OF YOU AND YOU LEFT. THE ONLY HOME I EVER KNEW ABANDONED ME AND I DON'T THINK I HAVE THE STRENGTH TO BUILD MYSELF A NEW ONE.
 Nov 2014 Julie Butler
Sydney Ann
As I cry these mental tears
I realize
what I miss the most
Is the warmth
And your eyes
Those beautiful eyes                                                                
And most of all
The way
I  could feel your heart
                                              your precious life so close to mine                  
I was so touched
That you would open up
And let me in
And I feel so bad
That I tore your heart up
Instead of protecting it

And  now the tears come
In my head
 Nov 2014 Julie Butler
Kagami
Trouble, love...
You drown me in
Quick
Beats;
Palpitations of my
Red *****.
My waters run for you.

Tied with
Ribbons of
Silk,
I shout proclamations
To the clouds who
Threaten to rain on us.
Eve
Do you think God wanted to hold Eve's hand,
Whisper into her ear and tell her,
"I know what you did, and I know Adam doesn't know how to,
But I still love you and that's all that matters."
 Nov 2014 Julie Butler
kayla
shrink
 Nov 2014 Julie Butler
kayla
there is a courtyard
behind the abandoned hospital.
vines crawl up the walls like cancer;
like a sickness that cannot be contained.
just like my irrational eagerness for pertinence.
disconnect my conscious thoughts.
*make this infection disappear.
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