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it crawls into and creeps
in your mind
and inside of you
is an uncontrollable rapid
that your heart struggles to keep up
and your breathing shakes
your skin turns cold like you're
drowning
wondering when
will it stop
and.a soft whisper tells you
to fear for your life.
i miss the days
of being alone
in the house by myself
and i didn't have to hide
my feelings
and i could cry
in each corner of the house
and i would try
to occupy myself
with frantic cleaning,
horrible singing,
expressive dancing,
and absent writing
and the way i could
get myself high
just being all over the place
or sometimes
oversleeping at
one place
because i didn't want
to think
but now,
it feels like
i can't be me
when i need to be.

so please
just leave me alone
and i've seen too many times
the word "sorry" in my texts
that it starts to lose its meaning
and how it would've meant
everything in the flesh.

it's 2022, i know
but i'm tired of phones
and would want to live like we're
in the 1700s so i could
see your efforts show.

so i leave my phone behind
wanting to slow down
and disappear for awhile
so i take my walk
mile after mile.
i'll keep walking till i feel better but for now, i'm still finding the heart to forgive.
silence is loud when you're alone
and it's not the absence of noise
or the humming in your ear,
it's something only you can hear and no one else
it's constant and explosive and all around
it's the uproar of your thoughts
making all that sound

you can try and hush it,
try to make it a nice place to be but
you know another just comes
and it can affect you, hurt you
leave you in a loop— analysis paralysis
now don't lose yourself in it
break from that cycle, don't let
it eat at you bit by bit

it's like a virus that spreads
and starts numbing your body
your mind'***** overload and
just blaring, almost deafening...
but still,
you can never hear complete silence
not even when you're alone
so go rest your heavy head
and escape from reality
i'm sorry you have to do it again
because dreams are temporary.
my mind won't shut up and it's speaking nonsense
don't call us “friends”
when all you do is pretend

act like you don't want to attack
but you'll do it behind my back

and all i've been was loving and nice
but you were threatened by my spice

you mistake me for being flirty
when you're the who did me *****

telling everyone i'm the one to hate
when all i've done was be a good mate

so go on and talk **** about me
and i get we all have our insecurities

but don't be fake and start talking ****
hurting other people is just not it

words are just as hurtful as fists
pain like this can exist on wrists

there's too much hate already being hurled
when are you gonna realize we need more love in this world?

if you're wondering if i'd ever do that to you
i don't have the heart to do what you did to me too

and in the end, i'd still care about you
even if our relationship decides to fall through
you took advantage of my kindness, i was so blind and completely mindless
i gave you the room key
just to stay for one night
but you've been extending
coming back even at daylight

you run in the clouds
and walk in the sun,
your overstay has hit its time
so when are you checking out, ***?
minding my own business till you came along, you were allowed only one night in my mind but you stayed longer than i thought. i didn't expect you to stay in my dreams or stay when i awoke, you need to leave before i get attached.
let's play a game
you and i
stare in silence
while locking eyes

nervous and quite shy
turned into big smiles
then quiet laughter
still looking intently all the while

every second passing
and strings started to exist
attaching and latching
knots tying in twists

electricity started flowing
unseen but a rushing feel
back and forth
a connection -- is this becoming real?

in that short time
i started to imagine
me leaning in to kiss you
and I almost let it happen

three hundred seconds is up
and i tried to explain
but i couldn't tell you everything
that was going on in my brain

so i told you i feel closer to you
without saying anything more
didn't want you to know
it was you i was longing for.
i saw a video about people staring in silence for five minutes and we decided to try it and it was funny at first we couldn't stop smiling and quietly laughing then as time passed, our reactions were changing and we got more serious, i started to feel more than what i'm seeing in front of me. i was taking deep slow calm breaths and started to feel a true connection with you and in the end when we could finally share our experiences from it, you told me yours and i didn't tell you what was going on with me fully, didn't tell you my urge to kiss you, didn't tell you the feelings that were growing because after all, we're just friends trying a game right?
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