I hate you with a passion. I hate that I bump into you in the hallways and how i always jam my toe on the side of you, on
your slick lean edges. Along with the time you hid my favorite shirt from me in your stash of collections, where you keep my
notes in your drawer of secrets. Don't let anyone in, close yourself up just like furniture you are. Silence thats all anyone
hears when they walk by you but not me. I can hear your legs creaking trying to keep you up, strong and tall like how you
should be. My mother wants to throw you away but i won't let her. She wants to replace you with a nice cherry wood drawer. But not me. I still adore your creaking legs, and your rusty knobs. I won't let her throw you away, i forgive you for all the splinters you gave me on my feet. I just want you to stay.


sincerly,  

               Angelica♡

I woke up to a dream of me kissing your chest
Teasingly nibbling at your flesh
My heart full of smiles
But your eyes shifted away
The same way they did that day
And I wouldn't get a kiss goodbye
Not even in my dreams

Today I said my final goodbye
and did I mention how beautiful you were?
it was if you slept right through it all
not even realizing you're not here with us
I hugged your dad too tightly and said Katie taught me about God
I didn't know what else to say
but I said how I most remembered you
and I like remembering you that way
Your family has a strong link of faith
now I see how that's what you became
And though I lost my composure on the sidewalk on such a vibrant sunny day
I know there was no struggle
I know there was no pain

You hair was fire a gold; not just red (it was always my favorite part about you, not sure if it was something I ever said)
laid upon either side of your shoulders in a soft curl and draped around your face
Your nails were painted red and green
and you wore a red blouse with a beige scarf (wrapped loosely upon your neck with grace)
Stunningly beautiful you were
the most perfect I had ever seen
even in death, your radiance shone bright beyond the seams

Although my tears come and go,
and the sadness come what may
I know you had to go
and I know we had to stay
but we will meet again my friend
I will see you again one day

one day
i will hold you in my arms
and know that the world will not be ripped out from under my feet.

(at 3 am when the dragons of my past beckon to me
and engulf me in flames
i laugh and embrace them because
they will always be there for me)

don't weep for me
my love.

one day
you will not have tears in your eyes
when you ask me
why i cannot stay.

I'm tired** of being used
I'm tired of not being good enough
I'm tired of constantly harming myself to feel something
I'm tired of crying all the time
I'm tired of waiting for something to happen that isn't going to happen
I'm tired of waiting to be happy
I'm tired of not being okay
I'm tired of being hopeless
I'm tired of being in emotional pain
I'm tired of everything
I'm tired of being tired