Aw, come on, don’t be sad,
Don’t you know you are loved?
Unburden regret, cast it down,
Living in the past burns,
Your future will be in flames,
Just let go, relax, hold me.

I need your touch: need!
You want to come in?
Do you? My door is open,
Live now, shed anxiety,
Uncertainty comes from dread,
Dread of what will be.

Yeah, that’s it, snuggle closer,
I have you now, you’re free,
And yet, also bound, safe,
No chains though, just love,
I ask for nothing, just you,
Smiling, happy, not sad: okay?

© Paul Chafer 2014

I keep wondering,
Could I be content with happy?
Ha, that's a funny thought.
I'm blinded by the worst
Yet I pursue it so urgently
What could be right?
The fact that I'm falling in love
But I'm aggressively running away from it.
It's a whirlwind of ignorance,
I'll keep running from yours.
My clarity is being fogged
I refuse.
I hate you
Who am I kidding?
Me, that's who.
My divided contradiction
It's right because I trust you
Could I possibly be content?
I've found it in an anxious trust
My wandering soul
I've found my love
A love for the unsure
Delighted in the journey
Trusting my way through my disbelief
And willingly falling into the very thing that ran from finding.

I am
So tired.
I am cold
And white
And blind.
On my wrists,
Defensive wounds
From a vicious love,
From the kisses
Of a black asp
With constellation eyes.

I have been reliving my death.
I have been choosing
That sweet, frigid venom,
An addict dripping poison into my veins.

But I am
So tired.
I am spent
And lost
And alone.
There are bruises on the soft insides of my arms
From a habit of worshiping
Sharp things.
Under my fingernails,
Dark soil
Evidence of a grave I've overcome
Too many times
And a struggle I've won
At a cost.

I am sick of death.
Sick of attending funerals for the futures I lose
Brutally and unexpectedly.
I am sick of being tolerated.
I am sick of being
Sorry.
I want to feel life in me.
I want to learn the taste of sunlight
And safety.
Of forgiveness--
I hear
It is sweet as warm honey.
(I wouldn't
Know)

I have gazed....
Oh, I have gazed long,
And the void saw me
As I saw it.
And long after I wished I could look elsewhere
I stood, gorgonized, on the edge.

Hold my hand.
Remind me that I have hands.
Spread light
In me.
Forgive me for my gravity as I lean forward on that hollow breeze that's always calling.
Pull me back and keep me
Steady.

I will never be
On solid ground.
I will never be easy.
I will never be
Safe.
I am half light and half shadow,
Half joy and half pain,
Half kindness and half anger.
I am a great, twisted tree,
With my branches in heaven
And my roots
In hell.
Love that in me,
Will you?
Will somebody?
I am ready
To bloom.
I am ready
To live.
I am ready to be exactly
What I am.

I think I fall in love a
Little bit with anyone
who shows me their soul.
This world is so gaurded
And fearful..  I apprieciate
Rawness So much

She was the one who made me belive in happiness.
She was the one who was there two years ago,
With me.
And now,
I think she dosen't need me anymore.
Well, yes.
She comes back when she's crying,
And I'm the one who conforts her,
But after this,
She just runs away.
But, what about me?
What if I'M sad?
What if I'M crying.
Nothing.

I call this a game.
She's playing with me.
And I let her.
Cause I know Karma will take care of her.

Hanna says it: Sometimes you poke the bear. Other times, the bear pokes you."

I sit here by my crackling fire
surrounded by all that I desire
nature for all
Bacon frying in the pan
coffee in the mug
the morning sun there in the east
small birds fly up above
I sit and I do wonder
how long can this beauty last
against the greed of man
We spew pollution in the air
about acid rain we do not care
for we now have got the cash
Our fair land now ripped by open cast
in our search for coal, for gold for wealth
but that wealth is but for the few
The multitudes who bend their backs
the ones who have the cough that wracks
and tears apart their lungs
still labour for a paltry sum
not for them the holiday in the sun
the bosses can afford
And so for the years that I have left
I will enjoy the nature that is left
BEFORE IT TO IS GONE

But once you saw her in the middle of the night with messy hair, tired eyes, and tears

d
   a
      n
         c
            i
              n
                 g
across her cheeks onto her mouth you wanted nothing more but to kiss them away..