"i pray that you always stay happy"
my mama used to say every night
whenever i would jump in my bed
before kissing her goodnight.
"mama will i always be happy and never sad?"
"yes my love, i have told God that."
------
i sometimes wonder why mama never told me
the harsh realities of this world instead of
filling my head with all those sweet dreams.
------
"i pray that you always stay happy"
i said to my child while putting her to sleep
she kissed me good night and clutched her teddy
"mama will i always be happy and never sad?"

i look at her, her innocent face
wondering that is how my mama would have seen me

i smile and brush her hair off her eyes
"no my love, you will not always be happy
you will have to face a lot in life
you'll have to laugh but also cry
but i have told God that
i have told Him to make my baby strong
so she can face everything alone"

I don't feel like writing anymore.
The light has taken away my charms
Let me crawl back into the darkness
Let me be myself again
Let me pick up the pen again
Let me write without any care.

"I want to live just once.", I whispered to my own shadow one lonely night.
"I want to live once and taste freedom on the tip of my tongue. I want the fire of determination to burn inside me and keep me warm on a cold night like this instead of the cigarette that I smoke. I want to taste the stinging love as it rolls down my throat, tensing every muscle in my body, and please me with the pain. I want to feel loved till I evaporate into million particles and float away with the winds of summer. I want to smile so hard that my cheeks hurt and my heart explode as I drink the poison of happiness from the hands of my own life. I want to break down and cry like a thunderstorm that takes everything down with it. And once that all is done, I want to face death. I want to look into its eyes as it makes love with me one last time. I want to feel death holding me close before taking me with it forever into the land from where no one can ever return. "
"I just want to live once", I whispered to my shadow as it disappeared with the last flicker of the burning candle.

I was told to act like a lady and speak sugar coated words.
Cover my face in make up and look pretty for the world.

I was told to act like a lady and wear skirts not jeans.
Impress people around and make them all happy.

I was told to act like a lady and be polite to everyone.
Suffocate my own dreams and live like others.

I was told to act like a lady and keep my voice down.
Just pass smiles and not to laugh out loud.

I was told to act like a lady and be a lovable doll.
Let them play with me while I can't put up any walls.

I won't act like a lady and there's nothing you can do.
I'll be whoever I want to be, it's my kingdom to rule.

We are just a couple of teenagers
with our dreams wild like our hearts.
We don't go with the flow or according
to the customs of our society.
We live for freedom,
we live for ourselves,
we live for living.
And we'll do everything and
anything that we are told not to.
We'll smoke and get high
We'll run and attempt to fly.
We'll wear our hearts on our sleeves.
Let it break down, break down into a million pieces.
And then we'll search different ways
to mend it and satisfy ourselves with
lies and more wine.
But don't worry for us, we'll survive.
Don't waste your time thinking,
"What are they going to do?"
for we will fall down and rise up again
we'll discover the whole universe
on our own.
So Ma'am, let us go like the summer wind
but never forget us.
We are just a couple of wild teenagers.

He left the girl who loved him more than her life.
On her funeral he said, "It's not my fault that she died."

Years later, he found a letter on his daughter's bed,
"Sorry daddy, I loved a guy who didn't care and left."

Last night before going to bed, I wrote my diary and wished upon every star in the sky to help me decide what to do.
Last night I had a dream and I swear the face that I saw was no one else but you.

Lavenders.
I looked at them and wondered
if I could ever touch them.
Lavenders.
I sigh
for they remind me of you.

I smoked your love in and enjoyed
as it burned my lungs
making me feel invincible and free.
Sorry my love,
But I just got high to
puff out the clouds of poetry.

Let me tell you a secret, I hope you keep it to yourself
I try not to show it so often but I guess I am depressed
Oh no, I’m sorry I didn’t mean it unload my burden on you
I was just having this feeling and I didn’t know what to do

You see at first I thought it was just a bad day
That I’d stay in and watch some movies and be okay
But then it became a bad week, and then a bad month
And slowly I lost the count of the days, I felt worthless

I was doing everything that I did as usual but
the time slowed down and the pictures started to lose colors
At first I thought it was just me
but then the whole world started to seem blur

The most difficult task became getting out of bed every day
So I started staying in, sleeping or just lying down
thinking it was just a day off, a much needed break
but little did I know it would gradually become my escape

I tried “reaching out” to the people around me
who posted on social media that they can help and ****
but I didn’t want to just load it all on someone
so I tried to be subtle, indirectly leaving some hints.

People thought it was for the trend, I was being cool
They handed me more bricks to build a stronger wall
From being away from God to being delusional
I heard it all.

I didn’t realize when I began losing people
Maybe it was the wall that kept them out or
maybe they just didn’t want to have someone like me around
someone who they’d talk about later of course.

I see I’ve been speaking since some time now
And you look tired and bored of me
Wait, let me tell you a joke or two
anything you want, please just don’t leave.

I’m stupid?
Yes! Of course.
I’m so stupid that I’d try to **** myself
by jumping from the ground floor.

Did that make you laugh? Oh I’m glad!
I hope you didn’t notice how badly I wanted to say
top floor instead of ground floor
because that would have only scared you away.

So I was telling you about how people left me alone
They didn't understand my isolation and coldness were just
attempts to find someone to hold onto during the storm
but instead I became invisible just like this poem

I couldn’t blame them though, I never would
You can’t force people to be there for you
No matter how much you want to
No matter how much they should.

I understood them despite all the dark clouds around me
I could see their fears, their thoughts, their priorities
Everyone had a right to have someone better
But they were just afraid to end up on the letter

They didn't realize how they weren't supposed to cure me
They just had to be kinder and show some empathy
But that's alright, sometimes they need it themselves too
Maybe that's why I try to be always there because I've walked in those shoes.

Instead of filling our hearts with hatred and disgust
We should look around, we all are humans
We should understand each others' pain, make them feel okay
We should try to make sure that their bad days are just bad days.

Life's too short to regret when it's too late
You can't spend it living in a state of what ifs
What if I had just called her and asked her how she was?
What if I had just stayed there when she tried to cut everyone off?

Oh, is it time for you to go?
I guess I should too.
Thank you for listening to me
I hope this stays between me and you.

Let's break all the rules and laws of this society
and grow old with creative minds and young hearts
living in the worlds created by our demons
without the fear of getting lost or falling apart.

Sound of a gun echoed deep
while the whole city was fast asleep
screams and cries and more firing
people injured while tons of dying
A war for peace with an unknown rival
destroying so many families and leaving them so critical
Why were they killed? What was there crime?
They were just innocent people busy in their lives.
Having fear in their hearts, they are still ready to give their lives.
If that is what it takes to end this blaze.
I just pray that someone hear the pleas
of the brave survivors living in Karachi.

He offered me wine but I refused for I don't drink.
He offered me a cigarette but I refused for I don't smoke.

He offered me his heart
and I took it
because I was longing to be
loved.

I read all this poetry and it haunts me
Like an old lover or a dead friend
I pretend that I don't know the words
While they **** me inside
Because deep down I know
I have lost them
And they cannot be mine.

It took me centuries to find you in the dark
And in a second you lost yourself again.

I walk down the street tonight
The city does not sleep anymore
I can see tall buildings still alive
Nothing seems the same anymore
These streets are empty yet filled with new faces
Hearts are cold yet burning to ashes
I am walking down the street
I don't know anymore
My city is lost or maybe
I am, God knows.

For the first time in my life, I wanted to learn every language of this world in search of words to explain exactly what you are to me.

They hid their ugliness beneath all the makeup
and she hid her beauty under the masks of her words.

I remember we were standing on the edge of the world.
You showed me your scars, I offered you my soul.
In that moment, we felt invincible and mighty
Conquering the undiscovered, fighting battles for the throne.

Funny how I once thought I'd remember that date forever

and years after, it passed without your name even crossing my mind.

Wait.
Does she not trust you?
Have you tried looking at her differently?
Maybe she had trusted too many people in the past
who broke her trust. (And her heart.)
Maybe the last guy she loved, told her the same things
that you did.
"Don't worry honey, you can trust me."
"Hey, I promise you I won't leave."
Maybe she's pushing you away because she knows
how this is going to end. (she'll be hurt again.)
Maybe she's too broken to try again.
Maybe she just needs some time (or forever.)
Maybe she just needs herself right now.
Or maybe someone who could love her better
and remove all her fears away.
But you won't understand that obviously.
(because you won't stay.)



(Nobody ever does.)

The streets and houses were the same as before
Only now they held the ghosts of our past.

The mind said proudly,
"I am more powerful than you, see how I control this human being?"
The heart smiled,
"That's not your power rather your weakness my friend
for real power is controlling the soul which is unseen."

I've been addressed by different names

but "mine" is the best I ever heard.

He asked me,
"Why do you always write about me?"
I sighed,
"Because I can own you through my words only."

I went to a gypsy to ask about my future
She said, 'show me your hand my child.'
Her eyes popped out and she gasped loudly
'Oh good Lord! What a frightful sight!'

'What's wrong?' I asked her curiously.
'Everything. Everything is wrong.' she replied.
'Your palm lacks the line of fate.' she said.
'I know.' I told her. 'He's gone from my life.'

She sang the song of the dead as I walked out
'Oh the ****** dark soul, Oh my poor little child.
You have no idea how unfortunate you are
You need to be safe. Run and hide. Run and hide!'

The cloud started to follow me down the street
as I cringed in pain, questioning the sky.
'What is my fault?' I screamed in tears.
I guess I'll never know why you had to die.

he tells me to **** my fears
i try, i try my best to **** them
i lean over them in the darkness of the night
thinking to stab them
with the sharpest of the knives
i hold it tightly in my hand
i expect them to put up a fight
but they don't, they do nothing at all
and i realize that i cannot **** them
i cannot **** something that has been
a part of me since the beginning
so i pull up the trunk from under the bed
and lock them away and tell them to be quite.

he tells me again to **** all my fears
i tell him they are dead, yes i lie
he buys it easily and i secretly smile

i hate my fears yet they feel like the only thing
that is truly mine.

and though i didn't want it to rain
because the first drop
that fell on my cheek
made me
homesick.

i looked up at the clouds
and asked them
silently
if they have seen
where i
live.

the sky roared in reply
and i kept
wondering
how to decipher
it.

I wonder how my poems sound when you're the one reading.
My words curling on the tip of your lips as you go through my feelings.

*Do you think about me as you read my heart out?
Or are you still drowning deep in your doubts?

Under those cold sheets
I mapped my whole world
on his skin.

How does it feels,
When you fight against yourself?
How much it hurts,
When you can't fight well?
How does it feels,
When you raise sword in defense?
How much it hurts,
When those wounds start to swell?
How does it feels,
When you have no hope to conquer?
How much it hurts,
When you can't control any longer?
How does it feels,
When it slips from your hands?
How much it hurts,
When you can't hold it back?
How does it feels,
When your opponent gets stronger?
How much it hurts,
When you are forced to surrender?


In the battle field,
I whispered silently,
"I am tired of fighting
*Fighting every time against me"

He asked me what bothered me at night?
I told him I was haunted by nightmares.
He held me in his arms and said "It'll be alright,
I am here to make them all disappear."



*Last night I had a nightmare again
And your face was all I saw darling.

he's like that familiar smell of
freshly baked cookies my mother used to bake
when i was a kid.

and now i miss them and my mother and him and myself.
i guess i miss it all, every thing.

he died without any honorary medals
on his chest or any awards
named after him.
he died silently; an ordinary death
with scars and wounds and
everything similar
to a war hero
but the only thing
that he couldn't do
was to **** someone in return.

I don't want stars to be named after me
or children reading my tales in history.

I just want to leave a mark
somewhere
or maybe on someone
that will
be immortal,
shifting great things
silently.

I wanted to sleep but the words kept me up.
They entered my mind and tried travelling to my heart
But before they could do that, I spilled them out on the paper.
I can't let anyone enter that broken **** again, not even words.

I see things that are not to be seen
And I hear things that are silent for the ears.

They tell me to not go against the flow
of the river
that's been flowing since the begining
of the universe.

But I don't see my fault in all this
I am gifted as well as cursed.

Like a wave kissing the shore for a little time
and then leaving to return to the ocean,
He came into her life and touched her soul.
Now she sits by the shore waiting for him.

Inside these ******* covers, we all hide a child that refuses to grow up.
A child that still craves love and attention but is chained and dumped.
We all are aware of that little life who is scared and tortured and left alone
But none of us is brave enough to stand up for that child and make him feel home
And give him love that he deserves and be his friend to help him overcome
all the fears that feed on him
Fear of rejection, fear of this world
Fear of closure, fear of growing up
Fear of trusting someone
Fear of being loved.

Inside these ******* covers, we all hide a child that refuses to grow up.
That child will either turn into a monster or into a no one.

Under the sober moon we sat
as we gulped down
bottle after bottle of that sweet wine.
You handed me another
and whispered,
"Are you not drunk enough
to fall in love with me already?"
I laughed out loud
as I thought how
unaware you were honey.

i remember there was a thunderstorm that night
those flickering candles and the scent of the rain
something more intense was happening inside
on that old couch in the backyard studio
with paint on your hands you were painting me right
eyes closed, lips locked, i could feel each stroke
of your scrappy fingertips on my thighs
the sky roared furiously and so did you
waking up the demons that had long died
i wanted more; both you and the storm
i wanted just some more time

In the graveyard of the forgotten,
I see the dead rising up
With their faces burned and full of scars.
Their eyes turn hollow when they see some life
But I see them looking at me as the child of the dark.
They sit around the burning bones and sing
the songs of the unheard souls.
They sing and dance and celebrate
the life that they never lived
as they curse the great pearl for
changing the course of their stars.

For Him, the pillars of these limited buildings could never be enough
That's why He chose to live inside a place as colossal as a human's heart.

I visited the wonderland after ages
I was welcomed in the same old way.
The lavenders performed a splendid show
Reminding me of the last May.

The mansion was as we left it,
holding all the memories we made.
Your clothes were laying on the floor near bed.
I still remember how I allowed you to invade.

The family photo was hanging in the gallery
showing off one of my greatest achievements.
Those trips to London, Paris and New York,
a new adventure on every weekend.

The empty rooms haunt me now
but I am holding it all with a thin strand.
(If you ever want to return, darling,
Just come back to our Wonderland.)

I want to discover the mysteries of the universe and what lies beyond.
I want to float with the stars and find my home.
Somewhere out there where I truly belong.
Somewhere out there where lives my soul.

paint me with all those messy colors and broken brushes.
paint me with your rough hands and scrappy fingertips.
paint me with all your love and your regrets.
paint me in a dark room with uneven breath.
paint me with dried out lips and the tip of your tongue
paint me all night till you're halted by the sun.

Pick up your brushes
and paint me
into a complicated
piece of art.

She was pretty messed up but unlike everyone else, she used it as an excuse to create wonders that no one else could.
She painted her soul with her finger tips and sang her heart out while dancing on the strings of a guitar.

The world called her some insane and crazy freak.
Little did they know that she was different and unique.