Tonight, I thought of all the words lost on me
Like my favorite necklaces misplaced; my hands reaching for my neck, unable to feel them.
Tonight, I missed my favorite person, who continues to rest among the clouds
Tonight, I realized that friendships end and goodbyes are inevitable
Tonight, I wrote. I wrote and wrote
I wrote so much
All I wanted to do was puke my insides out because nothing I wrote sounded like myself
Tonight, I wept because I forgot who I was

Often times it seems like I’ve connected the dots and became what everyone wanted me to be, keeping the child within me locked in a dark room, with no windows to allow the light through.
At times, it seems, I’ve diminished my wants and needs because it was all, ‘too much’
It felt safer to stitch my lips shut, because voicing anything sounded like a cry for help and I never wanted to depend on anyone who may one day leave me,
Who may one day abandon me.

Tonight, I’ve come to terms with It being so much harder trying to put together pieces I never knew were broken
At times, I feel so insignificant, a speck, compared to the universe and it hits me how regardless of all I feel, regardless of how minor my emotions may be to the wonder that is, Outer Space,
I matter.
I matter. I matter. I matter.
I ******* matter.
All the feelings that rush through me,
The rage, the absence, the happiness, the love & lust that pulses through my veins,
It all matters.
It all ******* matters and the world may have never been the same,
Without me.

As the world deafened around me, and the weight within my belly settled, I looked his way and noticed his eyes slowly ******* me.  
He laid his head gently on my thighs and my hands found their way to his hair.
A river; my fingers swam to the shore.
We moved to the couch and my body adjusted next to his, pressing into each other, somehow becoming one.
His arms enveloped me, his lips pressed onto my shoulders,
He took a bite.
In that moment, a flame ignited and I wanted nothing more than for him to fule the fire he now sparked.
His hand reached for me, and I asked for more
He whispered into my ears and I shook my head,
He pulled me closer saying he loved my body,
And I wondered if it was the high or if he meant it
Our lips found each other and we kissed like our life depended on it.
I could taste bitterness and loneliness,
Darkness that could possibly have me wondering how much of my heart is worth my keep and how much is worth drowning in drugs that seem a lot like love and lust, mixed into a ****** concoction of confusion.
The weight of his body moved on top of me, and I wanted the layers of clothes to evaporate like rain, but they were there suffocating the images I once had of a previous lover.
We set into a rhythm and the world seemed to dissipate,
To fade into nothing, but twilight.
As he reached his high, his body settled back between my arms and his lips graced my forehead.
I didn’t want him to love me.
I didn’t want him to offer me the world.
I didn’t want him to save me from the loneliness that, at times, eats me whole.
I wanted to know that at some point, I was cared for, even when I was used for an advantage.

You're a Demon
Rust Red like the fires of hell
You're full of Pride and Greed
Yet we're friends
But still you're too Sinful
A short Devil with brown hair and lipstick
Devils and Royals don't mix
Violet doesn't go with Rust

When you say "her" do you mean me?
During your lonely nights, about whom do you dream?

Does your breath catch if I'm standing too close?
Is my affection a drug on which you can overdose?