Dear Deadname,
Someday I will be able to look at old pictures of you without disgust
I will look at your long dark hair and remember how much you loved it
Loved running you hands through it as you untangled it from its curls
I will remember how it felt between my own fingers
Silky and smooth and how much I loved it myself
Your eyes that were so dark they looked black
And how at the mention of books, or cake they would light up like the Fourth of July
How your smile was so full, and real
With no underlying intent
Especially how your skin would become so dark in summer
Yet so pale in winter, and still look beautiful on you
Even your petite shape was something I fell in love with
How you fit so perfectly in anyone's arms
And maybe even one day I will be able to utter your name
I am not ready yet, though your name is a beautiful one
I want you to understand that some day I'll love you but until then
                                                            ­                             Sincerely, Rowan

Help me
by Ashton Ard



Help me,
is something I wish I could say,
Just waiting until the day I can finally be freed from this prison I built around me.
Everyday gets harder to breathe,
I tear at my skin
ripping off the weights holding me back,
making me hold my breath.
It's too late for me to be better,
I've been bottled up for way too long.
I wish I could be strong,
like you all want me to be,
choking back my tears, I wash away my fears,
hoping to leave no trace of who I was.
Who was that girl,
who everyone thought was a lesbian?
I don't know,
because that was never me.
I forced myself into a box,
girls wear pink,
boys wear blue,
Help me,
is something I wish I could say,
just waiting until the day I can finally be freed from the prison I built around me.
Boys play sports,
girls play dolls,
No!
I scream,
This world doesn't see the many colors of who you can really be.
I rip at my chest,
I rip at my hair,
why can't I just be happy?
it's the worlds fault for pushing us back.
We're people too,
We love just like you,
Help me,
I whisper underneath my breath.
The prison walls around me fall down,
I stand in the middle of a field,
A single rainbow stands before me.
Finally,
I'm accepted,
I'm loved,
I'm happy.
Thank you.

I feel trapped
Like I can't reach
The peak of who I am
Of who I'm meant to be

Everything becomes an obstacle
My hair
My voice
How I dress

They stop me
Stop me from being perceived
As the gender I feel
The gender I am

If gender dysphoria was a weapon
I would've been shot down long ago
With my brothers, sisters, and siblings
Who died from the never-ending torture

All I want is my name
All I want is for others to use my pronouns
But that's too far away
So I'm waiting for the torture to finally

End me

You gave your baby life,
so, tell me this;
why would you want to take it away
over something as simple
as love?

out of everyone
it could've been anyone
but i was chosen for this task that no one wants.
as i walk to the door
i wonder why
as i turn the ****
i wonder why
as the dreaded creak means my entrance is now
i wonder
why.

dragged in here
i float
as i hear people scream
defending their side
i just can't decide
but maybe they aren't screaming
i think that might be me
because of the pain it brings
when they pull me in their opposite directions..
until i fall apart
but i was never really together.

raw in pieces
they keep giving me evidence
to prove that they are right
right about me

i guess i'm the guest
that doesn't want to be here
but they sure feel like unwanted guests
inside my head.

"she's a girl"
"he's a boy"
"because of this"
"because of that"
this can't be true
that can't be true

i'm just an observer
in this court room
but then why am i in the center?

i'm was picked at random,
the chosen one
and i really wish i wasn't.