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I'm different every morning
I'm never the same person I fell asleep as...
Sometimes I can't even look in the mirror...
I can't connect to who I'm seeing...
Sometimes I want to feel pretty...
Then others I want to be handsome...
My own body makes me uncomfortable...
There are some days when I match up...
Then there are other days when everything is wrong...
Its ugly...
I don't know who I am...
And I can't tell anyone...
Being genderfluid has caused me so much anxiety and dysphoria and it's really killing me... And I can't tell a soul... Not even my boyfriend who I tell everything to...
 May 2019 idiosyncrasy
Adler
Somewhere there exists a girl.
She is kind, and soft, and sweet,
And a reader, a lover of books.
She would read every one if she could
People say she looks just like her mother.
She doesn't know what to think.

Some place in the world there is a boy.
He is shy, and peaceful, and small,
He is adventurous, dreaming of planets unknown.
He would wander the galaxy forever,
Trailing after him stardust and clouds.
Nobody notices him.

Connecting them is one person.
They are creative, and caring, and bright.
Protective of the people they love,
Even if those people overlook them.
They feel too small to make a difference.
They want to find a purpose.


Three people, so very much alike.
Simalar in so many ways, yet still different,
Each unique in their own right.
All existing on the same Earth.
Seperate, but never apart.
They like being themselves and each other.

The only downside to their lives,
Is that that have to exist together,
Stuck in the same body, unable to change.
Each wishing to fit their own mold.
But they can't leave each other.

Sometimes the Girl in control.
She is the happiest of them,
She loves her body, which amazingly
Fits her, like the perfect glove.
She wished to make the others just as happy.

The In Between doesn't hate their body.
They like how soft they look some days
Like when they can look in between.
But they still feel wrong sometimes.
They don't feel like they can complain.


The Boy has it much worse than them.
When he has control his body is wrong,
The opposite of what he need to exist.
He deals with his problem though.
He binds his chest and wears button ups.
But that doesnt make it right.

Nobody knows that they share.
Most people are content being one thing.
With having a solid identity.
But it wasn't their fault, it is how they are made.
They didn't ask to be a river.
But they still follow the tides.

They wouldn't change who they are.
They get along fine with each aspect of themself
Compensating, trying to feel whole.
They have tricks to help them feel right.
But perfection doesn't exist.

Dysphoria comes as a storm.
Turing the river into a rushing waterfall,
Full of doubt and self-loathing.
Certain things help calm the storm,
But sometimes it just keeps raining.

They push through the floods
Of anxiety and doubt and fear.
Giving themself a bowtie for the Boy,
A beanie for the In Between,
A skirt for the Girl.
They persist.
And they live.
A poem about my gender-fluidity
She laughed when I first told her
Only nine years old, my little sister
"Sometimes I feel more like men"
"Well, that makes me a frog, then!"
"But really, I'm not only a girl"
That's when she almost began to hurl
Her face scrunched up, she was crying
No longer thinking I was lying
"Don't worry, it sometimes lasts only a day"
She sniffed, "Will this go away?"
"It's always been here, nothing new"
"Tell mommy and daddy, they can help you"
I tried to explain how I felt
Took her face in my hands and knelt
"Sweetie, remember our secret game?
It's still me, I'll always be the same"
She nodded, finally eased
I told her my pronouns and was quite pleased
When daddy asked "What's my big girl up to"
She replied "He's really busy, lots to do"
I'm so happy, I told my sister and my best friend... Life is so much easier when you don't feel lonely.
 May 2019 idiosyncrasy
m
this morning
i am stuck

i am stuck
between
Blue
and
Pink

every morning
i face the same decision
and ask the question
how do i feel today?

and every morning
i struggle
not because i cant find the answer
but because im scared of it

because i know
that i cant be Purple
thats too confusing

but i feel Purple
do they ever ask you your gender on a form and
just let you
answer no

sometimes when they leave a blank line for you to write on
I just write
lol

it's all too funny to engage with
where to be begin
tell me why we're still doing this
lol no
 May 2019 idiosyncrasy
Dirk
In Love
 May 2019 idiosyncrasy
Dirk
I am in love with a girl that has the prettiest smile, who basks in the morning light with a pillow shoved on her head and a grumble of 'five more minutes'
I am in love with a boy that has the prettiest eyes. who loves watching the moon and stars and has eyes that are just as grey as the clouds above him.

I am in love with a girl that has bad days almost everyday, and texts me about her new level on a video game to try and distract me from her feelings
I am in love with a boy that has a bad past and rarely talks about it, and when he does it's little snippets sprinkled with funny stories to lighten the mood

I am in love with a girl that told me one day she was now a boy, and I assured him I would call him by the right pronouns and name and he cried.
I am in love with a boy that told me one day he is still a boy, and I assured him I already knew and told him his dress was still cute, and he grinned.

I am in love with a gender fluid boy that sometimes loves dresses and sometimes wants nothing but his chest to be flat and his voice to be deep.
I am in love with someone who's idea of perfection isn't what he sees in the mirror, instead it's when you love someone and all their faults, but I assure him that he is mine either way.
 May 2019 idiosyncrasy
Haylin
i am not an it.
i am not an object.
i have a pulse.
i have a beating heart.
i am made of stardust.
i am made up of skin and bones.
and you still call me an **it.
your mind can't grasp the idea that
i am a strong woman one day
and a strong male the next.

— The End —