I wanted
someone
that wouldn't
be afraid

of me.

I spent
twenty-one
years
doubting
that person
could ever
exist.

For humans
are far too shallow
and our
complications
are

way too deep

but I honestly believe
we should not have to
be alone.

I believe in independence.
I believe in self-reliance
and I believe in self-respect.

But I also believe that
humans can connect
on a far deeper level
than just what we see.

I believe there is a time
and place
for everything
and that includes
the moments

we fall in love.

You see,
there will be days
that you fill
empty
and lonely
but you have
to be there for yourself.

No one is going to give you
a handout
unless you show them
you are going to
make it count.

No one is going to
rely on someone
that cannot
rely on them self.

Co dependence can be
beautiful
but nevertheless-
it is filled with
even more grief.

You cannot fix somebody else
when you are still
practicing
the craft
of self-love.

Allow your lows
to be reminders
that you
can lose
and smile
knowing
that you can
bounce back,
too.

There is nothing
graceful
in struggling
but there is
something
glorious
in the

overcoming

and believe me-
you will find a way
to live through it all.

And then
some day
somebody,
somewhere
is going to
admire
the way
you refuse
to fall.

And you will wonder
how you ever
let the world
make you feel

so small.

-Andrew Durst.

I was waiting for
the last train to my home,
But it never came.
The night was cold,
Even though the winter had not come yet.
No one there.
Nothing there,
But the cold tracks
And the silent platform.
The air refused to speak to me,
Even to say "sshh" through the wind.
I was completely alone.

I wished you had been there
standing before me
and warmed my heart
with the fire of your love.
So, I could throw the handful of tears into that fire
And let go away all the sadness.

But I was completely alone.
No one there.
Nothing there,
But the cold tracks
And the silent platform.
And the air also refused to speak to me,
Even to say "sshh" through the wind...

KANYA PUSPOKUSUMO
2017
Instagram @kanya.puspokusumo
http://doeniadevi.wordpress.com/

*Andong is a city in North Gyeongsang Province, South Korea. It is about 200 km from Seoul.
It is known as the most Korean place in Korea, and the "Capital City of Korean Spiritual Culture", with many aspects of the Korean traditional cultures throughout the past 2,000 years.

It's late again and the room is dim
with candle lights taking over the night.
I'm swallowed in this empty space
counting the days.
How many moons must pass by
before I finally can fall asleep?
She no longer
is enough.
I've grown old.
I've grown slow.
I find my time lost in memories,
but I think it's now my turn to find someone
who looks at me like I'm glittering.
Show me the way,
Show me the signs,
I'm forgetting how to read.
Will I win,
Will, I walk,
I've seen this road before.
I've just never made it down to the end.
Luckily, the stars saw my grief and made amends with me.
They've kept me in the dark for so long,
and now are finally guiding me
through this terrain.
Through this rain.
Through the night.
Until I find someone who can carry me back
to the candle lights.