He pointed at trees
telling me their names
so I looked at him
like I saw
the future.



He puts his fingers
between
gum
and
lip
all the way down the throat.



His hands rubbed
my dead heart
pulsed
the sides and now
it sings
like it's in the
******* opera.

The first time he hurt you, you told your mother
Her visions blurred by a bottle
You poor little lost soul, you are surrounded by poison

Your dreams were limited to one island
'You can't leave here'
He rips the rest of the world off of a map

A sick seed grows inside you, spoils your appetite for life
If only you had wings
You are so sick you don't see love anymore

A small window of opportunity arises
I have to leave now
Your father helps you pack your car in the night

A new road on a long journey
Five hundred miles does not feel like enough
Is he following?

Sunshine and cigarettes are now your new air
You gladly accept this poison over the last
One day, all you'll be breathing is the ocean's air little girl.

Do you remember the first time alcohol touched your lips?
A plastic water bottle filled with your neighbors *****
A new taste and smell enter your atmosphere
The warm air wraps its arms around you

Is this what being numb feels like?
Your head clouds
An overcast day has set in your mind

Has everything always been this beautiful?
Has everything always felt so raw?
Your inhibitions are gone
You are free to float as you please
A sloppy smile creeps across your face
You close your eyes

The freedom you craved has been achieved
And now all you want is the safety behind your door
Fireworks go off in the distance
The air turns cold
The sweater you brought is gone

Laying down feels like floating
Mocking waves rock you to sleep
You are unaware of the journey you have just begun

Sat in the Pub Zoo, I can nestle
And lie, in the hustle and bustle
Of this merciless crowd of brick.


My thoughts are my own for me
To lay down on a bed of broken
Bones, and weary, weeping eyes.


I look up to see a skeleton of black
And of piercings. I will never know
What it thinks, for which I am grateful.


For sometimes, I don’t wish to seek
Another ruin. My neurological debris
Is enough, it tortures me until tomorrow.


I do not hope, or wish, or think
Or willingly believe. I just sit and
Exist and critique the sobbing leaves.

If I could lie in bed, by my window
forever, I would. But only when
it’s dark and stormy outside and
the wind whistles by my side,
around the middle of November.

If I could listen to the trees roar
and growl, so peacefully loud,
not here with me, but still so
close, I would jump at every chance.

If I could feel the subtle draft
of chaotic darkness kiss my
cheeks and bare shoulders
for years and years, I would.

I tell myself that
I don't need the
Speed, or some
Rush that drags
Me discordantly

Soul twitches fast in
A morning rush for
Peaceful dreams,
Which I can’t even
Begin to pursue

She, he, won’t let
Me drift heartedly,
So weak that could
Perish if I sneeze
Or if I cough

There’s a shiver
That’s shouting at
Me so harshly and
Coldly but I will tell
It to please, go to bed

despite everything, stay with me
(even if it is just here in this world)
share hazelnuts music with me
dissect the seconds
make the morning turn more pink
and intertwine the noontide smells with me
together – beg in me for evening
thank the candlelight and afterwards
lay your skin on mine

listen, let me protect you and whisper
as if I am an orphanage
without laws, rod or anguish

just for the pleasure of whispering