written March 19, 2015

"who said people can't be poisonous?
because the thought of you is taking over my body
i'm ill, dizzy, unable to think straight
and you're just the catalyst to the fire setting off inside of me
slowly deteriorating like a wave crashing against rocks
but my stance isn't so strong
now that you're gone
slowly, i slip
into the deep sea
drowning in your memory and full of everything we used to be

who said people can't be poisonous?
because i sure feel infected
nothing but you on my mind
nauseous over the broken promises you once said you'd never turn on
but now all you're turning on is the anxiety and depression inside of me
this black spot within, i once repressed
is now back and spreading like fire lit to forest green
because you are poisonous
yet
you are also my remedy"

written March 9, 2015

"There is war raging inside my mind
I'm not fine
Need someone to help pull out, analyze, and perceive these feelings I'm feeling
deep down inside
And I'm trying
To cope with my sporadic brain
Please don't avoid me today
and everyday
Because it feels as if you're slipping away
and I cant handle this pain
I know you love me, I can feel it deep inside
But the feeling of overwhelming anxiety is higher
Has me contemplating, thinking that you may be a liar
And I'm tired
of my mind playing these stupid on and off games
Not knowing which direction my mind is aimed
So I take every day, as it comes and goes
Trying to embrace those harsh and lonely "lows"
Hoping for the best, I'm not doing so well
I didn't know loving someone causes your world to turn to hell"

written March 9, 2015

"Hiding the sound of my tears dripping down
with the rushing water flowing from the shower head
I don't understand what is up with my head
Went to bed at 7:30, highly unlikely of me
I just couldn't deal with all this built up pain and anxiety
It got the best of me
And now I sit here, naked on the bathroom floor,
wondering why I am the way I am
Because something so simple, something so small, shouldn't affect me the way it is
It's took a toll on me like no other
That is what I get
for being and unconditional lover"

written February 23, 2015

"I wish we could be no strings attached
But these strings have already been knotted, tangled and latched
I'm trying to overcome these feelings inside
By untangling the knots one at a time
Until I can subside
and you can quit the lies"

written February 15, 2015

"The feeling of him leaving scratch marks down my back
doesn't add up to the feelings I get when you rub it
And the feeling of him biting at my lips
cannot compare to the sweet kisses you place upon them

I was wrong to do such a horrible thing
You don't deserve my disloyalty

In a way it was an awakening for me
Because it reminded me how hard life would be
If you were not with me

Rough *** is great from time to time
but all I really want is someone to hold me tight
and tell me they love me
You're the perfect bachelor for that

Our sloppy drunk kisses meant nothing to me
It was temporary

And I'd rather have sober pecks
then a long drunk mistake anyway"

written January 25, 2015

"Even a two hour absence of you is enough to make me break down crying wondering why you left
I'm anxiously awaiting a message from you but the phone screen remains as black as the night above
And it makes me wonder, scared shitless if the day comes when I no longer have you, and the phone screen remains message-less
days upon days
Because just these two hourss, and I'm already consumed with thought on why you're not texting me back
And today is the day I know I'm in too deep"

written December 24, 2014

"As I walked inside the flood of memories came pouring down into the deep depths of my empty stomach
And my heart dropped down with them, when I first saw you
Feeble, exhausted, and glued to your bed
Throat so inflamed that barely any words were said
Wishing things were different, but there's nothing we can do
Besides sit and watch a movie together, inside the hospital room
When you caressed my hand, I felt it straight in my heart
Like a pathway to my happiness, you are the start
Our time was cut short, and I had to say goodbye
Our hands fell from our intertwine, to our sides as I looked you in the eyes for this last time
And said, 'bye'
But don't worry my love, I'll be back soon
And I promise I love you from the ground to the moon (and back)"