After the ball game
on the high school
playing field
Shoshana is still

sitting there
with another girl
so I go over to her
and she blushes slightly

and I say
what did you think?
she looks at me
and says

not very good
are you?
I smile
no not much

but they will
insist I play
at least you're honest
she says

I am
best way
I reply
the other girl

stands up and says
don't want to play
gooseberry see you
later Shoshana

and she walks off
something I said?
I say
no I think she finds

boys embarrassing
Shoshana says
I look at her
sitting there

dark hair
long straight
bell will ring
in a minute

she says
best get back
towards school
she stands up

and I say
where do you live?
I live a little way away
I get a school bus home

she says
so do I
I say
I know you do

she says
you get on
the same bus
as I do

I look at her
do I?
yes you've not seen me
I get on as quick

as I can
she says
I see you though
a bell rings

from school
well see you later then
I say
and she's off

leaving me there
and I wander back to school
across the grass
watching her go

her slight figure
in the afternoon sun
taking note
of her neat ***.

Why does every emotion live across the street from me?
I stare every day
over my morning coffee in this blank apartment
trying to stay awake,
alive.
And the apartment across the street has a window,
an open window,
and I spy inside and glimpse the colors.

I remember having those here living with me.
How though
can I trust memories of feelings I've forever lost to the next building?
Can I?
I feel their echoes.
But when I go downstairs the pancakes will be flavorless and
blandly white with gray thick
nothing syrup
drizzled all across them. I'll have to eat
to stay alive
but don't think I like it one bit.

they make sure
   that there is evil in the earth.
though the good
   taught us the value of our worth.

     our                 seeds                 are
rotten and forgotten from our birth

       andyoucantrectifythetragedy

I missed you
even when I was in your arms
because
I knew
the lips you were kissing
weren't mine.

I said “Shhh….”.

To silence the multitude with familiar faces,
to keep you unscathed/unblemished
from the hollow words
of people who haven’t seen
a glimpse of your everglowing soul.

For you to be you to me.

Pristine.
my eyes.

I'll leave you alone,
I'll paint myself into someone else's arms.
I bet I'm a terrible bet,
Not letting you get out of my mind,
Not letting myself out of your mind.
You're the breathe in my lungs.
I'm hoping you can forgive and forget.

If it makes you less sad,
I'll let you live alone.
I'm betting I'm not a safe bet.
But my Love,
Time has gone,
Can you forget?

Anxious sensations flood through my veins every waking hour.
Terror and violence make love in the maze that makes up my mind, producing venomous children that terrorize every barely mustered thought.
Struggling to focus on anything but, I fill my lungs with smoke.
Fighting to stay awake I ingest countless toxic chemicals.
Running from the hive of voices attacking me, I add even more smoke to the mix.
How are you’s batter my head, as are you okay’s taunt me.
Fine is all I can say but with each second that passes I want to scream in your face to make you stop asking unless you want the real answer.
But I can only scream internally. Suffering silently. Never escaping this unending anxiety.

There's something so sick about
        this emotional capacity

Before breakfast we plant atomic bombs in our neighbors yard
                                                            ­   like bulbs of (glad)iolus
Haven't you noticed how much gardens look like graveyards

My cereal, ceiling, bathroom, and skin
        All say Made in China
This homeland is looking more like that land
Ughhh and you can see the blood in my pink nail polish from that sweat shop girl
It's not supposed to be RED!

ooOooopps did we just learn how to commercialize genocide
I'm wondering when I'll wake up with a barcode
Will it be on my eyelids
             my arms                                           my soul

Maybe God was in the bees
And now
Now there's no more honey, flowers, or trees
  
                       Just time.

My brothers both went to war
It's not Wal-Mart
But it's open 24/7, checkout through Heaven
And I don't think they're coming home

Not without bones implanted in their brains
sharp, jagged, broken ones
That kind that make you uncomfortable with your memories
The one's that make it hard to sleep

Last week I found a dead cat
  A dead bird in the snow
When I turned around the corner, I saw myself

I was lying in the street
          Dead, dead
And I felt nothing

and as she looked at the moon
it made her feel small
so small it sickened her
it made it hard for her to breath
as if the weight of the entire moon rest upon her shoulders
and she realized
she felt the same towards her mother
the women who birthed her
the women that was supposed to comfort her
made her feel small and unimportant
made her feel that her very existence didn't matter
but now she knows
if only she could do something about it.