I want to fit in

Not with the jocks
I don’t like sports that much anyway

Not with the late-night partygoers
Our definitions of fun are much too different

Not with the bullies
I could never hurt a person

Not with the people in my class
Not with the people in my dorm
Not with the people around me

I want to fit in with the misfits

You were a Capricorn.
You told me those typically clicked with Virgos.
You put a lot of faith in horoscope factoids like that.

You wrote in all caps often, but
you were never yelling out of anger.
You were just an enthusiastic person.

You had a boyfriend.
You loved him a lot and the feelings were mutual.
You always liked to tell me about the funny things he said.

You had cancer.
You managed to keep that secret from me for a long time, but
you never stopped believing that you could beat it.

You were a broken soul.
You had been torn apart by your family and your disease and
you never wanted to accept help from your friends.

You were an enigma.
You never told me what the matter was and
you disappeared before I could figure out what was going on.

You came back, but
you came at a bad time and before I could say goodbye,
you had already left me your final parting words:

“I’ll see you after life.”

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...I got my writer’s spirit amputated a year back

Doctor Perfectionism said it was a lost cause
Dead weight
Heavy like an anvil resting on my brain
The anvil of the hardy wordsmith I used to be

Nurse Inspiration was the one who removed it
With a scalpel
Sharp like a fox’ teeth plunged in my head
The fox that used to whisper clever plays on words to me

Mortician Motivation buried it deep underground
In a coffin
Shut like the gateway to my mind now is
The gateway that used to unroll a red carpet in front of my feet

For all intents and purposes, it should be gone
I would never write another word
But then what is this feeling?
This itch?
This urge?

Is it phantom pain?

It’s him again
There he comes bursting into my home, uninvited and unwelcome
He only ever comes over to scold me and insult me and harrass me
There is no end to the list of things he dislikes me over
And he wants to make sure I know all of them too
“You only care about yourself!”
“You barely put in any effort!”
“You always bring pain to others!”
Maybe he’s right about some of the things he says, who knows?
But I just want him to leave me alone.
I just want to be able to enjoy the things I like
And do the things I have to
But he keeps interrupting me
And I’m sick of it
Just as he’s about to go on another rant, I cut him short
“Let me show you the way to the door.”
I say to Myself.

I’m fidgeting with the AUX cord of my headphones
It’s because music is only blaring through one of the ears
It’s strange

To my left, I can hear the sonorous warcry of a singer
To my right, I only hear a contemptful whisper from a dark corner of my mind

To my left, I hear a percussionist beating the drums and cymbals
To my right, all I hear is the sound of tears bursting against the floorboards

To my left, a moving melody accompanies a soulful serenade
To my right, there is only empty static to fill an eerie silence

Maybe I should consider getting these old things repaired
Or getting a new pair entirely
Oh, would you look at that!
I finally managed to fix it
Now everything is alright again.

Let me out of this prison
I am in incredible pain
Everything is falling apart
Save me please

I stare at my work begrudgingly
Because it has something I want
Potential