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 Oct 2014 Gigi Tiji
Yael Zivan
Ripped, torn. My trust was yours and you slashed it apart.

Bleeding, unborn, broken, I wandered in sea of lost

Colors, never. They faded like black blood.

Greyer days i’d never seen, like grey and silken mud.

Sunken, food was never tasted, so I rejected it.

Skinny, crude, lazy, Wallowing in pain
of loosing
you.

My future was a pinprick of light and a hell hole of darkness between me and ending.

But in the darkest place of my longest night. When my bones showed through this endless fight.

I lit a flame and color formed. I burned my shame and cut the chord.

I sent you love and felt more whole. Not healed not better, but for my soul,

It meant something.
And now i see, i planted a seed but not a tree…

But now so long now has time come through.

The light is bright and colored too!

The glowing gold of sun and sky shine through the green of leaves that i,

cultivated and let be fed, with glories of this world, undead…

Reborn and breathing in the sight. Of all the beauties, and all the right….

My wounds i stiched with a single thread, a needle *****, but no blood bled.

The glowing hues of days to lead, began to water and warm my seed.

Now every ******* day it grows.
Even the nights, a blue black rose.
And my love is back.
The world wants me,
and the odds are stacked.

I’m here you see!

existing, thriving, held, a dove.

My branches lifting, flying, above.

I see you now, not far away.

Living on as we do every day.

I love you still, but not like before.
I can see your body and not need more.

Because i light the fire inside myself.

I don’t need another to put me on a shelf.

I am whole as I am, in breaking and birth.

This tree that is me will increase in girth.

And the colors get brighter, because the heart is sewed tight.

My tree exhales wonder,
rainbows in sight.
It has a happy ending.
 Oct 2014 Gigi Tiji
Yael Zivan
My spirit doesnt fit for long
It needs room to wander
For all of my many lifetimes
I meander and merge
Migrate and congregate
Relate and perpetuate

i breath
And i shift
My soul doesn't settle
Feathers frantic, curving rains
Tops of mountains, secret caves

It doesn't understand weight,
Light and free forever wandering
Forever lonesome, but relishing the clean stinging pain,
The solo sunrise
Boots on the ground.
New smiles to see
Best friendships lasts 5 minutes
Get a bright flash of me.
Thats all you need.
A streak, a shooting star
to pierce and uplift and connect and remember
Then off and out and alone

Sometimes my soul thinks it belongs
It holds on
It exhales
Breathing out all the air and tries to sink
To touch the bottom.
To remain, to be heavy and constant
A stone not a leaf,
But then no air. The drowning feeling. Panic and pressure and then the numbness creeps in. Conform, accept. Belong, work, remain, stop flowing, stay the knowing.
The weight of the water is warm and dull, crushing, aching,
Forgetting the joy of breath,
And lightness.
Forgetting my nature
Only taking comfort in the constance of depression
The hopeless relief of daily dying
 Oct 2014 Gigi Tiji
Yael Zivan
The talk
that gets us nowhere
except the joy of hearing your own voice speak.
The stifling circles of meaningless rambling
justifying the normality of strange and stuttering minds.
Please hear and see me.
I am guilty of this.
But the silence punctuated by the most simple and profound truth.
Speak that

and no other words.
silence voices rambling chatter small talk shut up!
All I have to offer you
Is a handful of broken glass
But know that
Every shard
Is inscribed with your name
I'm sorry, love,
If sometimes they cut you
I'm a bit rough around the edges
But if you hold me to light
Just right

I'll shine
 Oct 2014 Gigi Tiji
Yael Zivan
I am my tears.
And i am my sweat
I am my pain and i am my regret

But i'm also the choice to say no to it all
To the hurt you have caused me and the choice not to fall.
Because had i had known you would treat me like this,
disgusted and guilty but worthy to kiss,
i would never have touched you or spoken your name,
sat by the fire and feel your love flame,
because you are a simple man
and you have simple desires,
you want what you don't have

and will do all that requires,

and once you have reached that.

The goal that you seek,


you look on to the next thing that looks bright and unique.
breakup, alone, he was being a *****,
I am real
and constant
and confident.
I am a flood,
I am an exacting pressure.
I am alive
and alone
and I like it.
2013
 Oct 2014 Gigi Tiji
Chloë Fuller
When I tell you to go away

Please don’t leave me

I’m sorry I speak in crypts

Protecting myself while I battle you

It’s intentional but I always regret it

Help me stop

I can’t do it alone
 Oct 2014 Gigi Tiji
Chloë Fuller
I want to see your face and body’s reflection amongst a hall of broken mirrors and still marvel in your steadfast opulence
 Oct 2014 Gigi Tiji
Chloë Fuller
I want you to teach me how to pronounce my name again because I forget it from moaning your’s so many times
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