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Sep 2016 · 602
deck
Gigi Tiji Sep 2016
the bugs and the frogs sing a cacophonous tranquility
Sep 2016 · 537
Give up
Gigi Tiji Sep 2016
To give up that which you thought you had is to allow yourself to become with that which is becoming
Jun 2016 · 649
needle
Gigi Tiji Jun 2016
Oh love
I wish I was a vinyl
that you could listen to whenever you wanted
just press play and let the needle do the work

I wish I was a vinyl
so you could gently lower the needle into my grooves
and feel the music flowing through you
that warm feeling that keeps you alive

but I am not a vinyl
and you are not listening to me
and the needle is flooding your veins
with that cold feeling

I wish I was a needle
that could numb your pain
I wish I was a shot of the purest *******
Oh love

there's nothing much to lose
and everything to gain, so please
let's put the needle down
and listen to the rain
Mar 2016 · 502
Untitled
Gigi Tiji Mar 2016
writhing in the void is good exercise
basking in existence is pure bliss
Mar 2016 · 504
Untitled
Gigi Tiji Mar 2016
oh! the way that smoke lingers and sways in the cracks of the burning log
Mar 2016 · 597
learning
Gigi Tiji Mar 2016
learn how to be patient,
learn how to be wild,
learn how to be hot, and
learn how to be mild,

learn how to love,
learn how to be loved,
learn how to stand for yourself
when push comes to shove,

learn to be your own parent,
learn to be your own child,
learn to be patient,
and learn to be wild,

learn how to receive,
learn how to give,
learn how to die, and
learn how to live
Feb 2016 · 654
asuhdu
Gigi Tiji Feb 2016
hey, whatsup break me open and have a look inside
a suh dood check out these heady feels but like
whoa bruh they tell me
simmer down
you're harshin that mellow
yellow matter it's no matter tell me something new
find me something else to say I'm a
fried egg in a skull here's some banter
gallop trot and canter I'm just horsin' around
of course it's not finely ground buddy 'ol pal
you'll have to crush it up yourself
if ya wanna snort it
but hey let's abort that mission
I'm just tryin' to chill in the kitchen
all I want is a nice meal I don't want
anyone to steal these lasts wisps of my soul
let's smoke a bowl and forego the physical
maybe think about something quizzical
something that'll bring me elsewhere
anywhere but before
Feb 2016 · 464
Untitled
Gigi Tiji Feb 2016
They wanted to be able to feel a way that was familiar to them. Comfortable. And it did not have to feel good. They did not have to feel joy. Because joy was too fleeting. To them, joy was uncomfortable, because they could not control it. To them, joy was uncomfortable, because they knew it would soon be gone. But they could control their suffering. They could control their own despair. They could hurt themselves whenever they wanted to. They took solace in this. Finally, something consistent. A place to settle in. A cranny to hide within.
The world soared past them.
Feb 2016 · 835
hey
Gigi Tiji Feb 2016
hey
hey, whatsup break me open and have a look inside
a suh dood check out these heady feels but like
whoa bruh they tell me
simmer down
you're harshin that mellow
yellow matter it's no matter tell me something new
find me something else to say I'm a
fried egg in a skull here's some banter
gallop trot and canter I'm just horsin' around
of course it's not finely ground buddy 'ol pal
you'll have to crush it up yourself
if ya wanna snort it
but hey let's abort that mission
I'm just tryin' to chill in the kitchen
all I want is a nice meal I don't want
anyone to steal these lasts wisps of my soul
let's smoke a bowl and forego the physical
maybe think about something quizzical
something that'll bring me elsewhere
anywhere but before
Feb 2016 · 434
the cold road
Gigi Tiji Feb 2016
It felt like
I was walkin swift,
out in snowy drift
my thumb stickin out,
just lookin for a lift and
I'm going on and on
along this icy road, where
nobody should be driving and
there's not a single flower thriving,
just a sorry soul stuck diving
into vacuous space, with
a deadpan face an
intricate lace, and a
now unhurried pace
shuffle shuffle
thumb down

a single thread,
black thin and bare
floating adrift,
in starlit air
unattached

a single layer,
not enough

cold pink hands
in bottomless pockets,
filled with keys to lost lockets
with tick tocks and tickets, bits of
tobacco, and crumpled up paper

so lift yourself to lift the veil,
but lift yourself to no avail, and
it's no matter if you succeed or fail

it's a silly serpent biting it's own tail.
it has no need for anything else.

keep on walking
Feb 2016 · 922
glitching apart
Gigi Tiji Feb 2016
we held hands, we stumbled
in tattered coats, we mumbled
in our palms, we held the time
passing shattered windows
in our bob-bobbing boats and
we ran away from the rising sun
now we are running
away from the rising sun
running away from it
on creaky rotting docks
over sneaky sharp rickety rocks
(we) (wanted to see it) (rise forever)
[throbbing throats] [throbbing throats]
-we are the rising sun-
(we are the rising sun )
>lockets lickety locked< and
we grew tired >> we grew tired
(we are the change)
we had thrown away the key <<
(we are the ones)
and _ we had slowed down _
(we have been waiting for)
and ^the sun had sped up /
and that time
oh that time was slipping
between our fingertips dripping
(we are dawning)
(we are dawning)
Feb 2016 · 519
Abstracted
Gigi Tiji Feb 2016
War is the King of All,
as Heraclitus puts it.
No Life without Strife!

What wondrous distress!
This eternal suffering,
This eternal bliss

I am the ground
I am the ground from which
hatred and love emerge
neck and neck
symbiosis

I am abstracted from these
and yet intertwined, consistent
and unyielding in my birth and rebirth

I am the perennial,
the detritivore

The soil,
the mycelium,
the forest,
the fire

born from a single point,
growing and consuming
that which is colder than I —
until all fuel is exhausted
until I am exhausted

I am the Ugly Lie, the Corrupt
I am the Beautiful Truth, the Just
I am the Bad, the Good
I am the Formless
The Form

colorless, odorless, tasteless
unreachable, untouchable

receive me and
I am no longer myself
a distraction from the truth

I am entertainment
Will you entertain me?
Feb 2016 · 339
Iaminlove
Gigi Tiji Feb 2016
[I][am][in][love]
[I][amin][love]
[Iam][inlove]
[I][aminlove]
[Ia­min][love]
[Iaminlove]
in][love
[inlove]
in[love]
[in]love
in[]lo­ve
Feb 2016 · 287
Untitled
Gigi Tiji Feb 2016
see uknown in your empty eyeball
your empty eyeball
fizzy fuzzy thoughts and a
blurred pattern of vomitrocious gradients
split in two split in three split in four
more pieces to the puzzle
solve it and you will die
abandon it and you will die
so be happy and sing
be merry and dance to your
friend's heartbeats
getting quicker
getting slower
with your friends
getting higher
getting lower
unpack your massive bag
zipper broken and spill it all
can't shut it now not anymore
pack a small one
and empty it often
water your plants
rearrange your molecules
every time you hit the sack
every time you lay yourself to rest
remember the smile of that stranger you spoke to
and forgot their name
wonderlover wanderlust
celestial body
stardust
Feb 2016 · 238
Untitled
Gigi Tiji Feb 2016
there is a thing
this thing is not a part of anything
and this thing is not a physical thing either
as such it is not a part of space
and does not take up space

what is the location of this point?
from where did it come?

physical things emerge from space.
from where does this point emerge?

the point emerges from a place that is pointless
what is this pointless place from which this point became?
Feb 2016 · 238
Untitled
Gigi Tiji Feb 2016
when will i stop thinking with my heart and loving with my mind
Feb 2016 · 564
Untitled
Gigi Tiji Feb 2016
a true mystery of mighty depth
deep blue and green of infinite breadth
a single flame and a single breath
the brown of moss and damp soil

a chuckle and a smirk and a wink and a quirk
a kiss and a dance of the eyes
a nudge and a nuzzle a cuddly solved puzzle
I feel so alive with you
Nov 2015 · 240
new stone
Gigi Tiji Nov 2015
look at that sort of thing
we're a sometime sung lullaby
see how much you mean to me?
knock on the door to my memory
there's a new stone now
that storm has gone
Nov 2015 · 703
repository
Gigi Tiji Nov 2015
bee da fee da fee deedledee
feel boo dumb da fee fee fee
see what you want and hear what you see
you'll find you're picking from a cherry tree
ickie fickle pickle picker tickle chuckle lemon pucker
naps and cuddles and jumping in puddles
playin on the fiddle I'm a monkey in the middle

Ponyo Kahlo
Siddle Widdle Cookie Wookster
Queen Maddie Schizofranny
Victor Victor Jackie Jackie
meowy meowy meow!
Nov 2015 · 507
(warped wood)
Gigi Tiji Nov 2015
there are lightning rivers running from the mountains
tree tops swinging menacingly atop the scalp of a human
moss tangled in toes there are flowers singing with the clouds

in the unfathomed depths of an eyeball we see the vast expanse of space
pulled eyebrows and eyelashes on the desk by the blank notepad
unkempt fury pressurized in thin glass bottles

look at this unfamiliar air between us
look at this forced civility

where have the nests been dispersed
when was the last straw that twisted your neck
bit your ear and tickled your toes

the green apple appears red in the periphery
look closer because there is truth in the mud

a blue lotus
ever blossoming
a belch of the marsh

who are the ones that observe these thoughts
who is the one that chooses them
every moment a different person
never the same
the past and the future are here to stay

everything is now
don't sell yourself short
disconnected appendages
a ghost within a shell
a high strung harp

sugarsand whiskey pit
blackberry blossom
warped wood
Nov 2015 · 376
(unravel)
Gigi Tiji Nov 2015
pressure building inside of me
rather maybe it is that
I am growing large for this shell

is this pressure inside of me?
when I look down I see a body
I'm on the outside
if it's inside of me
me is on the outside
if it's outside of me
me is on the inside
what is this line
what is this border of flesh

my eyeballs are not
the windows to my soul
******* heart and you will
smell pungent truth

split my skull open and we are splitting hairs.
yes, that's how we get closer.

let my brain unravel like a fern's fingers on the forest floor.
Nov 2015 · 356
over
Gigi Tiji Nov 2015
quite a conundrum
this hum drum dumb song I've sung
with a numb tongue I'm quite stung
by my own bone I'm quite alone
wishing that I could've shown
wishing that I could've sung
all the right tones
walking on my tip toes
untying all these ripped bows
I'm trembling as I'm in the throes
of reevaluating all that I know
from here from here where do I go
on from here how do I go on
Nov 2015 · 930
learnmedontdevourme
Gigi Tiji Nov 2015
Queer, genderqueer, non-binary, non-hetero, pan, omni, gay, pagan, quaker.
whatever.

Labels may make people more easily digestable, but I don't want to be devoured by your limited paradigm.

I don't want your gut to strip me of my intricacies and **** them out only to be flushed away.

If you are trying to engulf me and break me down you will surely *****.

I will make sure of it.

My name is Gian, and
My name is Gigi,
and I hope that even that
is hard for you to keep down.
Nov 2015 · 199
Untitled
Gigi Tiji Nov 2015
my hands don't even look familiar to me anymore
nothing does
Nov 2015 · 414
flood
Gigi Tiji Nov 2015
For how many days and how many nights are in the moment of a kiss?
There is a light bulb on the horizon screaming ****** ******.
An obsidian hammer exploding into licks of carnelian flame.
A war drum, it's hide cured from the skin of the desperate.
A humanoid figure crawling out of its ****-stained cage
smelling the slime of a new day.

Little boxes smashed to bits by the stamping foot of a child.
There is a wind blowing from the mouth of the bull.
A ring of fire burns red and green from the void of the lover's soul.

Below the surface of a sea of sand I am breathing in only stardust.
My legs are tingling as they strive to wake up for this journey.

You are narcotic in your presence.
I am elated and depressed simultaneously by your existence.
A wonderful rush followed by a drunken stupor.
An ******* and a small death herein.

Here I am looking away from you because I am afraid of who I am.
I will only skim your surface because what is beneath mine is unspeakable.

I keep my eye heavy lidded,
because if they were wide open,
I would explode into treacherous rapture.
I would know bliss, and that is not meant for me.

This pain, I am only holding dear,
because it has been wrongfully taken from me before.
Please, allow me this despair. Let me feel this anguish.
Though it does not allow you comfort to witness,
it leaves no reason for your false consolation.

Look not, if it discomforts you so — to see me writhing.
Ask not of me to untangle myself from this twisted feeling.

This vine is welcome wisteria nestled in the shadows of my arms.
I ask of you to focus not on my withering leaves,
but of the blossoms it bears.

I will hoist its parasitic lavender radiance to the heavens,
an offering to the eyes of the suffering.

Do not dam these rivers lest you wish a flood upon your mind.
The ocean does not deny any a waterway, and why should you?
Are you so different from the vast gut of the world?
Let us be left landlocked and breathing hot sand.

Let me be. Let me run!

Where is the right place?
When is the right time?
To surface from the ocean of sinking sand.

The forever crumbling plateaus of this high
have me leaping from stone to stone.

Watch where yours is thrown;
where it lands you may find interesting.

This is incoherence.
I am confusion.

Where be my emotional faculty!
Where be my functionality!

Ever wandering.
Caught up. Waiting.
For the next ending.
Too busy to think of the new beginnings.

Quick! Keep going...
You may miss what's going to happen next!
But wait, wait for it...
"Right after these messages."

WHAT OF HERE
WHAT OF NOW
HAVE WE FORGOTTEN EACH OTHER
HAVE WE FORGOTTEN OURSELVES

Have we already closed
the never ending story and
put it back on the shelf?
Nov 2015 · 448
Neighbors, open your doors
Gigi Tiji Nov 2015
Closed doors

slaves too weak to fight
dying in their chains
electric cuffs around their wrists
objects of profit and entertainment
their image of suffering used
as inventory for auction
in between the air waves
and the pixels of your screen

they are there
and we are here

an image fed through a tube
into the belly of complacency
to be half digested and regurgitated
in the form of chit chat

suffering is now material
profitable stock bid on by
bourgeois couch surfers
entertain me they say

the unaware say
at least it's not me
until it is and then
there is no one but us
no one but our neighbors
our friends and our families

we cannot wait for a friend
that promises protection
and profits from our misfortune
there is no friend in government

open doors
Nov 2015 · 382
I am I am I am
Gigi Tiji Nov 2015
I love that I am
I am that I love
I am nothing, everything, silent, and singing
I am complacent and I am resisting
I am not equal
I am less than, greater than, and equal to
I am that I will and I will that I am
I am here and I am there
I am skin and I am hair
I am truth and I am dare
I am that I keep and I am that I share
I'm unjust and I am fair
I am apathy and I am care
I am clothed and I am bare
I am broken and I am whole
I am two and I am one
I am the moon and I am the sun
I am the sky and the stars that glow
I am ignorant
I am what I know
I am all my secrets
I am what I show
I am the dead of deep space
and the billion winds that blow

I am I am I am
Nov 2015 · 410
babble
Gigi Tiji Nov 2015
buzz buzz bizz bazz fizz fazz shally wazz fazeem shilly shally fo sheem I'm a beam of light bring forth the maker bring forth the taker let the maker make and the taker take for that is who they are in the grand scheme of things there is no grand scheme its a grand ol dream its a grand ol stream of beams oh beam oh beam we live in a dream within a dream a mise en ebyme a tone within a tone a moan within a moan we live in a cry within a cry we live in a die within a die and it's all a lie within a lie that makes a truth within a truth after all there is no proof there's only me sitting aloof sitting in the booth waiting for my food at the local diner but I've never felt any finer than when I got that lovely shiny shiner I might be what you consider an anti-liner gotta pick up my binder and swing batta batta whisk the batter batter doughhh
Nov 2015 · 574
a thought forming
Gigi Tiji Nov 2015
Here it is
coming together
slowly and quickly
points being connected
connections being disappointed
disappointments being appointed
appointed proportionally and
disproportionally
click clack
stick it together
vertices criss cross
bricks and feathers
interlacing lines and
concentric circles dance
in and out of time it is a
convergence
a coming together
a going apart
it is silk spun in
every way you can think of
it is spit spat from every mouth you've ever heard
this blob of tip tap gloopy gloop tick tack
criss cross criss cross make it last
make it first
on the bus or in the hearse
in between or outside of
either way it's kind of
all the same and
very different
but look at that
and then it's not
a ghost in the periphery
a shadow in the center
Gigi Tiji Nov 2015
Jesus was a liar and Ghandi was a fuccboi.

Prophets hate themselves the most.

Try to be pure light and you will never be.

You are not a single drop of ***** in an ocean of ****.
You are an ocean of **** in a single drop. Don't tell me that's not ******* beautiful.

You came from sacks of fat floating around in primordial goop.
Don't tell me that's not ******* beautiful.

You are 99% vacuous void but that 1% still makes you visible to me.
Tell me that's ******* disgusting.

I used to think I was all love and light and that was it.
Everything else was shame.
Everything else was to blame.
Everything else was also me.

I am mostly nothing and mostly darkness.
Don't tell me that's not ******* beautiful.

That despite being a walking maelstrom of empty space and spasmodic dance,
I am a ******* universe expanding in all directions simultaneously.

The only reason you can see the stars in the sky is because of all the emptiness.

The only reason you can look into my eyes is because of the little bit of life that shines through my pupils.

The only reason you can hold me in your arms is because the trillions and trillions of quanta that hold me together hate themselves and love each other because they all know that they hate themselves.

It's because they're entangled in a hot mess of spaghetti, sauce, and melted cheese.
Like a functioning dysfunctional family, we are trying our best and we all hate ourselves but we are trying love each other anyway.
Because we feel it.

Vacuous void. Chaotic dance.
Mostly nothing and a little bit of everything.
Nov 2015 · 166
Untitled
Gigi Tiji Nov 2015
I saw you in the forest
and I thought you were just another tree
but there's no such thing
Nov 2015 · 501
tongue
Gigi Tiji Nov 2015
i am afraid of my tongue because i do not like to break silence
but i like to describe it and i cannot do that without destroying it
/'
but i am worried
i am worried of how
how i will break it
/'
the sound of the crack of a whip
a sharp tongue licking the air
/'
an explosion of proximity
the bursting breath of approximation
/'
masticated thoughts bite loose tongues
bite your tongue bite your tongue!
/'
give it to the cat to play with
until it is dead and no longer fun
Nov 2015 · 432
electric
Gigi Tiji Nov 2015
can you take me to the last domain

\\

the last one
the one before
everything

\\

come tumbling down with me
flying skyward frown
upside inside out

\\

this amoebic mass of
intergalactic introspection and
analyses of outward perception

\\

this ion exchange
line dancing across an axon
don't shoot the neurotransmitter

\\

this realm is made entirely of thanks
when there is nothing to say

\\

it is my childhood that keeps me alive

\\

I'd like to immortalize my friends

\\

remember when we played in the sandbox?

\\

remember when my father stabbed you with a screwdriver.

\\

there was a time when all that mattered was music
there was a time when all that mattered was flesh
there was a time when all that mattered was eternal
there was a time when all that mattered was death

\\

scaled fish curling into reverse spiral
it floats there in haunting grimace

\\

the upholstered chairs by the fireplace
feet chewed by the jaws of a puppy

\\

the china cabinet in the corner
I could see the reflection of your
disgusting indulgences in it

screwdriver pink skin

\\

the musty mass of wires where your desk once was

where your life unfolded 'til the wee hours of the morning
sick and twisted absent minded distant soul

\\

that ball of electricity floating down from the sky
bobs as a ball in the surf toward the kitchen door

\\

terrifying electric forgiveness coming to engulf my brittle heart
Oct 2015 · 327
voidskipper
Gigi Tiji Oct 2015
destroyer of the void
I am glass shattered sun
scattered high beams

leaping from one black hole to another

I am finding nothing but the light within my soul bent into empty caves empty caves abyss forever
keep spitting

you're mine forever
chain link and snap

seratonin is an inhibitory neurotransmitter

happiness means
less neural activity

stop thinking, brain
stop it, please

but I will know joy from suffering
so I will know bliss from despair

**** me **** me I want to feel alive
train wreck train wreck

someone
pull me out of the
hole of *** the
hole of gender the
hole of identity

it is raining

my words drip along with the raindrops as the sides of this meatbucket crumple inward

plastics melting and
canvas fibres disconnected

i am frayed eye lash
eye lash pull scream and

eyes twisted in shapes unseen
body convulse and and convulse in
I'm confused why am I here

take me away from
this body
this now

losing my eyes would help everyone else
Oct 2015 · 513
Untitled
Gigi Tiji Oct 2015
salty banana brain game
seratonin sunshine soup
neurotransmitter broth
shimmer shimmer
a neuron takin a ****
Oct 2015 · 620
nervous
Gigi Tiji Oct 2015
mm...! you generate an action potential in me

seriously, you got me doin' some
crazy ion exchanges through my axon

you got me spewwin' neurotransmitters
into the space of our synaptic gap
pew pew!

we don't have to touch to be
ELECTRIFIED
oh myyy
my dendrites are standin on enddd!

oh myyy oh myy my myelin sheath is very well developed ;)

this electrochemical transfer is snappin' like whiplash

FIRE IN THE BRAIN!!!
Oct 2015 · 312
back
Gigi Tiji Oct 2015
so I end up writing backwards
and it seems sometimes I lack the words
to go forwards I gotta start somewhere

by retracing my steps
by looking back
and seeing where I've been

where I'll be going
it's all in the knowing
in the becoming known

I am becoming something else
by coming out of what I've been

I've been slower, I've been faster
I've been the cave
I've been the master
I've been the slave
I've been the master
I've been the cave
I've been slower, I've been faster

by coming out of what I've been
I am becoming something else

in the becoming known
it is all in the knowing
where I'll be going

and seeing where I've been
by looking back
by retracing my steps

to go forwards I gotta start somewhere
and it seems sometimes I lack the words
so I end up writing backwards
Oct 2015 · 579
Gendercode
Gigi Tiji Oct 2015
i,
I
am real
my gender is real
my sexuality is real
despite everything and everyone telling me that they're not —
I am real as ****.

Maybe that's why you're confused by me.

Maybe it's because you're used to a resolution that's less than 8-bit.
Maybe it's because you're used to a pixelated existence.
Maybe it's because all that you can compute
are 0s and 1s.
***** and *****
lips and *****

Maybe that's why you're afraid of me.

Because you're afraid of what you're going to see in high resolution.
Because you're afraid to see exactly what you've been missing out on.
Becuase I'm not coded in binary, hexadecimal, Base32 or 64,
but Base∞

and I code myself in a language
that I am constantly learning
and creating simultaneously,
let's have an interesting conversation

...supurfluous, unnecessary, confusing...
words spoken by the able, the unwilling
to take a closer look at my pupils —
dilating in high definition.

In fact, the definition is so high
that you'll have climb from my genitals
all the way up into my heart to see me for who I am.

Yes, I realize that binary is necessary for the basis of computation.

But we're past that now.
We don't only have ifs and thens.
We've got ands, ors, buts, maybes, sometimes, always, and nevers.

We've got infinities.
We've got forevers.
Oct 2015 · 847
heartbrain
Gigi Tiji Oct 2015
floating heartbrain
silly cilia stickin' out in all directions

antennae with fingertips extrapolating the surrounding situation

form dictated by the circumstance of inward pressure in correlation to outward pressure in conjunction with the trajectory and spin of itself and all others surrounding

indescribable without it's surroundings lest it be left lacking; it is the result of touch
the ethics of touch

it is the reception of signals from all directions; a hodgepodge of waveforms
a hot tangled spaghetti dinner forever forcefed to the happysad hungerstriker grateful

forever hateful
love is all we need
love is all we are
grateful
for hatred

pain gives way to bliss
sensitive cilia
feel me
feel you
feel all
Oct 2015 · 452
aya
Gigi Tiji Oct 2015
aya
the ayahuasca vine
is creeping
and crawling to
the further reaches
of the world
like a thought
Oct 2015 · 357
Tuesday; bleedy pens
Gigi Tiji Oct 2015
Tuesday, Tuesday...

I wake up naked in my little bed and roll several feet onto the floor.

The ceiling is always entertaining to me.

Laying in silence, I contemplate whether I should shower and do my errands, or *******.

My cell phone buzzes to let me know that an echo of one of my longing cries for a sense of connection has responded from the void.

I'm ******* ******.

My train of thought was finally getting somewhere deeper. Somewhere deeper than the considered ****** gratification, prolonged for as long as I can distract myself from reality — which is pretty much until I decide to experience the tantalizing taste of what death might feel like; a doppler of pleasure similar to an airplane flying overhead followed by a weakening of consciousness, limp limbs and a brief moment of thoughtless bliss: surrender.

I push my sorry, soar neglected body into a somewhat upright position in order to reach my phone, for which some ******* reason, I think will let me know the reality of my worth.

I press the 'power' button to confirm that I will not find what I am seeking outside of my self. I set it back down and think that I am the only person who would know how to love myself best, but even I don't know how to do that.

Well, that killed the mood.

So I stumble out of my room to search for some food in the refrigerator, but it seems that I only ever want something that is magical and out of reach. Typical.

Most of the time I really hate wearing clothes. I'm pretty good at it, though, I suppose. I used to lurk on fashion forums when I was a closeted freshman in high school, thinking that maybe people would appreciate me more if I at least looked aesthetically pleasing. I was right to a degree, but not in the way that I wished to be.

I throw on some pajama pants and an old white v-neck with some holes in it.

In the corner of the living room, my green backpack sits slightly crooked with its grey straps lying lifeless on the floor. Someone I loved but will never love in the same way again gave me that bag. It's got a bladder I can fill with liquid and a hose with a ****** that I can **** to keep me alive. It's really nice to have when it's as hot as two ***** rats in a sock outside.

But it's brisk and the leaves are crispy and falling from the dried out grey-brown branches, so I reach inside past crushed pieces of dried sage and bits of tobacco to grab my leather-bound book and ****** a ball-point pen off the table because I like to feel the resistance against the page as I write and I just can't get that same feeling with those **** pens with the bleedy cartridges that I leave in my pockets when I do a load of laundry and it leaves ink stains on only my favorite shirts. I really love them too, though. For other things.

But today I want something that isn't that. Today I want something different. So I shuffle into my sandals, and tighten the velcro straps and run out the door. The air hits me like a brick wall of happy sky breath. I'm not wearing any underwear, so I feel somewhat liberated from oppressive societal paradigms as I skip to the street. Across the road is the tree line to a million acre pine reservation. Leaning against the telephone pole, I wait for a car to pass and then sprint out in front of one that's trying to turn onto the street. I feel absolutely giddy as I do so, and keep running until I'm half a mile down the trail, another half mile away from the lake, panting with glee.
Oct 2015 · 270
warm kiss
Gigi Tiji Oct 2015
they're colliding —
coming together and dancing,
breathing with one another

their bodies, magnetic —
orbiting slower than photons
perceive us to be moving

— at the infinite speed of love —
spiraling into one another:

an interaction as primal
as celestial bodies taking shape —

...amorphous shimmers of light
frolicking on the surface of a happy lake
rippling in sync with its intentions...

From these throats come
undulating warmth, as misty as
the sighs of trees in the brisk morning —

wisps of transparent cotton,
lilting in the breeze —

motions uncurling into actuality

thoughts unfurling on the forest floor

...a fern reaches for a piece of the sky
dripping from the branches above —

tendrils of starscapes opening
as a book read by the wind...

a trillion crystal orbs —
suspended off the ground,
aglow with golden sunlight:

the presence welcome
Oct 2015 · 222
some
Gigi Tiji Oct 2015
Sometimes I forget that I can play the harp
Sometimes I forget I can speak
Sometimes I forget that I can be my undoing
Sometimes I remember I'm a freak
Oct 2015 · 693
spy
Gigi Tiji Oct 2015
spy
won't you play espionage with me
we can spin our espian eyes around
as we dawdle in thespianage
we can burn a bridge with a barrage
of molotov cocktails
Oct 2015 · 309
fuck
Gigi Tiji Oct 2015
you with your soft pale skin and coarse hairs
I want to feel their juxtaposition on my own

your proud **** teasing the skin of my thighs
the strong calloused fingers of your left hand folding over my protruding hips
grasping them and guiding them
before your pulsing throbstick

my arm weaves through yours
reaching around your muscular body
to tickle your rosy wrinkled hole
as the tip of your self slides between
my cheeks and kisses mine

your other hand reaches up
and wraps itself around my skull
and you plunge your sword
deep into my heart
and I gasp
please

love me
**** me
destroy me
Gigi Tiji Oct 2015
Oh cute little thing
I like your contour

you look pretty funny when you're cold
you get these lovely wrinkles
especially in the middle region
nearly dendritic
more like the cracks in the earth

and your satchel breathes on its own
like a brain if it had lungs for itself
but more like an amoebic celestial body squirming around in some primordial goop
I think that's pretty cool

you're a pink and brown mushroom emerging from a forest of black wiry moss

concentrated around you and
all growing in your direction

almost lifting you up and out
and then further away fading

the way the water gets clearer
above a sand bar

and then a great convergence
a crashing of two great waves
against each other

forming a wall of spindly tendrils
before the whirlpool
Oct 2015 · 657
bath
Gigi Tiji Oct 2015
I like to feel my weight lifted by the water

I like to sink my head
beneath it's surface and
listen to my breath

my eyes blinking
my heartbeat
in my head

I like to feel the warmth
permeating my body
releasing tension

softening jagged feelings

I like to turn out the lights and
lay in the morning darkness

savoring the drowsiness of the newfound day

The time before all critters
and errands of the day
come roaring to life

I like to feel the purr of serenity
Oct 2015 · 505
speck
Gigi Tiji Oct 2015
I'm a speck of stardust
soaring into your photoreceptors

spinning down the drain
of your eyeball

blink once
and im over the event horizon

blink twice
and my light is bent into the void

shwoomp!
out the other side

I'm completely inside out now
my blood is flowing in reverse

blink once more and
I'm lying in my little bed
staring at the ceiling

good night
Sep 2015 · 305
pretty nice
Gigi Tiji Sep 2015
there's nothing left on the table
there's nothing left in the garden
there's nothing left for me to tell you
and there's nothing left for me to lose

but there's nothing right
and there's nothing wrong

you've given me lots of words yeah
you've told me quite a story
you've given me quite a few
and yeah I'm really really sorry

but I can't seem to stay angry
no I can't seem to stay mad
you know you're downright sideways
and I'm neither happy nor am I sad.

words really like to run their mouths

find the leather bound book
by my sorry little bed and
you'll find it's filled to the brim
with thoughts from my head and
they're not the best thoughts
and they're not the very worst but
I'll never have them last and
I can't say I've had them first

but I guess I guess
they're thoughts nonetheless
whether or not they're
tidy or a mess

oh little sun little sun
won't cha give me some light
I'm looking for happiness
or at least a good fight

show me something old and
then show me something new
and I'll tell you that it's all the same
for me and for you because well
everyone is everyone and
we've all got our own paths and
they make a little ant colony
they make a nice hammock

you can sit within its net of strings
and swing away in the summer winds

but you can also take a sharp little knife
and cut a knot in its complicated web and
you'll see where that gets you
whether you like it or not

broken down train of thoughts
screaching to an end and
in the end I can't find anything
better than a friend

for there's nothing at all like being alone
but it's pretty nice when you can do that with someone else
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