i would break my back bending backwards for you,
but for me you wouldn't even chip a nail

You were a bright yellow flower
That bloomed in early July
I was the shy little bumble bee
That was always passing by
I would like to keep my distance
Cause other bees liked you too
Any yet you barely knew me
And I barely knew you
But somehow I felt like I've seen you before
In this botanic garden of dreams
Filled with flowers of blue, violet, orange
And crystallized glistening streams
But yet you were one of few yellow flowers
So you easily stood out
You colors always remained vibrant
Even during Our droughts
So I kept on admiring your colors
But I still stayed far away
In our vibrant crowded garden
Until you noticed me one day
And I started to fall in love with you
But soon came the end of July
And all of us smart bumble bees know
That's when Sunflowers die

you were always good with guns
you hanlded them with sence of grace
firmly, gracefully.
I used to be the one you talked to
the one you told your secrets to
the one you would laugh with
the one you would cry with;
but now you talk to her
you tell her your secrets
you laugh with her
you cry with her.
and now i'm crying by myself.
you were always good with guns
you hanlded them with sence of grace
firmly, gracefully.
load
aim
fire
and there goes my heart.

i’ve never had my heart yearn for someone so much
while my skin craves for their touch.

it ended
it’s over now
but what surprised me most of all is that i’m not even sad.
i’m happy it happened and i don’t regret a second of it.
i’ll miss what could’ve been, but i won’t miss what was.
it ended
but it’s only just begun.

it’s another one of those nights
eyes are weary from screens and forced tears
mind is filled with overwhelming overcrowded thoughts
the pocket watch clipped onto my heart refuses to tick
and i’m stuck feeling numb

when i showed you my hands and all they could create
you treated them like magic.
you held on to them and swore to never let go.
and as honest as you are, you kept your promise and never let them go.
you took them with you.

beautiful
beautiful-
b e a u t i f u l
i love the way it rolled off of your tongue
beautiful, b e a u t i f u l.
every time our eyes intertwine i can hear it echo;
beautiful, b e a u t i f u l.
a word my heart has only dreamed of hearing,
and yet here i am
standing beside you
still in awe
beautiful, b e a u t i f u l.

it seems if as i though i have fallen
into something way over my head
you’ve already claimed that you love me
but i think it’s something better not said

when our hands touched
a feeling of longing was returned to my fingertips
and my heart grew twice as big
my eyes widened, and so did yours
time froze
my hands fit perfectly into yours
the clock snapped and you let go
and then you ran to her
you helped her up and sang her love songs
from the smile on your lips
my heart shriveled up and blew away as ashes in the wind
you saw me so vulnerable
with tears grazing my cheeks
and yet you didn’t say a word
because you love her;
you love her.

Your lips are made of sugar, your sweet voice melts my heart
You stitch my wounds with candy floss, when I start to fall apart
patch my cuts with gumdrops, and dry every tear
bite off all the bitter, and kiss away the fear
It's nice to have a candyman but what I really want to know
is when the sweetness rots away will a sour side start to grow?
will this start to bore you? will my face become a dull sight?
will you leave my texts on read after pointless fights?
will you sell your sweets to another, and leave me blind?
because every sweet soul, has a bitter mind

i don’t understand
sometimes we’re okay
somtimes we are amzing, fantastic; perfect.
but then sometimes we’re not.
sometimes we don’t talk for hours, and i hate it.
sometimes i get wound up and intertwined into the past, and i isolate myself into despair.
sometimes you act like you don’t care, you shove your emotions down into an abyss of black that you try to make me forget, but how could i?
sometimes we are fine, i promise.
it used to be fine all the time, i swear.
but lately for some reason, there’s change in the wind.
maybe you’ve fallen too deep into that abyss.
or maybe i’m too stuck in the past to even dream about the future.
but either way, we’v come too far to give up.
we’ve sacrificed everything to enjoy what little we have.
and i won’t let anything take away what we have.
because i’ve never been happier in my entire life.

City of stars,
why aren't you shinging just for me?
City of stars,
is there someone else? who is she?
Who knows,
I wish that you'd just tell me what's going on.
Oh City of Stars,
am I doing something wrong?

I believe that i am a cloud
some days i am an airy swift ball of sunshine
but other days i rage storms with lightning that will chill your spine
some days i cry tears that water willow trees down below
and other days i just wallow in the sky sulking in a forever feeling of numbness
i am what you want me to be
maybe i’m a butterfly one day
maybe the next i’m a sunflower
and the sun whispers in my ear each night before she sets,
“A rainbow shall come after the rain, and if you wait long enough you may find happiness too. But be careful, because a rainbow can be further away than you think.”
and i think i found my rainbow;
but they’re out of reach.

i used have cravings for chips and ice cream
but there’s this new drug i’ve been on since i met you, and it’s called cloud 9.

and there you went again
curly black hair bouncing bountifully
as you walked out of my life once again

cut me loose
let my feet walk again
no longer drag me by the thread you’ve weaved in between my heartstrings

cut me loose
let me roam without your phantom-like presence
let me feel what it’s like to fall in love with out wanting to look back at you

cut me loose
let me understand that unrequited love isn’t the only option
there’re so many things waiting for me up ahead, but you’re just dragging me backwards

cut me loose
I’ve overdosed on temptation and now i feel numb
i have no desire to fall in love with you anymore
so please cut your thread
cut me loose

In a sea of unfamiliar faces,
Some I used to know,
I am dragged into the navy abyss
And left to stand alone.
I’m drowning myself slowly
In a fate that I had drawn
Because even if they cared
The wouldn’t notice I was gone.
I’m dowsed in regret and self hate
But I won’t say it’s your fault
Because you’ll  beat me until I’m broken
And fill my wounds with salt.
I can never be enough for you
I can’t be who I am not
And when you asked for seven seas
I told you one is all I’ve got.
A long lasting disappointment
Begging to be set free
But my cries fell into my stomach
When my soul died at sea.

Dear my love,
I have yet to find you. The past years of waiting have been exhausting I’ll admit, but still i wait hopeful. I’ve forgotten what it feels like to run barefoot in the summer rain. As well as what it feels like to gasp for air mid laughter. I can barely remember the feeling of your salty summer hair, and the sand in between my toes. The sound of quiet whispers on a phone call that’s been going on for hours. I’ve forgotten the warmth of you’re touch. You melt me like candle wax my love. I miss your striking eyes, and your gorgeous smile. And mostly I miss this feeling of comfort. Like I could just fall into your arms, into your love, and it will all be okay. I miss the way you’d whisper to me I love you, and how you’d kiss my forehead in between smiles. I miss the way you remembered the name of every constellation I’d tell you about, and would giggle when I told you about another. I miss you and your everything my love, but most of all I miss this feeling you gave me. This feeling that I’ve never, ever, ever known.
And the only word that I could possibly describe it with,
is whole.
Until we meet again.
Sincerely,
The girl you’ve never met

we live in a deck of cards
you are the king of spades
i am the queen of hearts
but even the jester knows, a ***** is to dangerous for a heart

where is the place where they won’t fight
where is the place where i can find sleep at night
where aching and hurting blow in the breeze
and the only noise present is the soft blowing of the trees
where what he says and she says and he said is dead
where i’ll finally have room for a thought in my head
i’ll set inbetween boxes of boxes in this unwanted place
because bad memories tend to take up a lot of space
i long for this place to rest infront of my eyes
but i know if i believed that i’d almost be as stupid as the lies
because as nice as it would be to rest in the dream i consider home
i might be happy, but they’d still be alone
the irony of it all, is either way it won’t mend
because when you hope for two to fall back in love it’s bound to end.

if your love is my wine
i’m drunk on mine

in my opinion i think having to feel the reality of dying love is 100000000000x harder than not being in love at all. because if you plant a rose bush it’s beautiful for about the whole summer, and maybe a bit of fall. but as the air gets colder, and the temperature changes the roses start to die. and when it starts dying, you don’t want to rip it out of the ground. you want to keep watering it and keep doing everything you can to keep that last rose alive. but eventually it all wilts, dries up, and dies. and if you’re like me, you keep that bush there either because you’re too lazy to rip it out or because you don’t want to let it go (still not sure which one yet) but maybe next time i’ll save myself some tears, and i just won’t plant roses.

How does one call out love, when one knows nothing but sorrow with the word love painted on it?

There was a time when i believed in falling
for falling is the first step to trust
and trust, i have lacked for the last few years
because sheded tears caused my steel heart to rust
for a while i was convinced there was a spark
hidden under heaps of high expectations and hope
past the overthinking, right next to quaint smiles and glances, and hidden under the wish that we’d finally elope
but love isn’t built with empty promises
nor is it molded with the lovley, “if only”
because when you fall in love with the idea of someone
falling turns to broken, the broken can’t mend, and your back to being desperate and lonely
i wish being loved wasn’t so difficult
but if it was easier no one would dare to fall
because we’d rather be shattered from falling with faith
than stay safe with nothing at all

in every romance i fall into blindly
there’s always a curious tie
invisible but inevitable
and this one has been yanking my pinkie since December
and every time we encounter one another, i can feel the gentle nudge from angels above and the kind whisper from the summer breeze
but your pinkie is being tugged by another
she holds your heart, and you hold hers
and it doesn’t look like you’ll be letting go anytime soon.
but when the day comes when your tie gives out and hearts shatter across the cream stained marble floor,
i’ll be here
waiting patiently
for you

The moment I looked into your eyes,
I knew you wouldn't stay for long
I knew that there'd be love and lies
But I'd lock onto your arms until you're gone
I knew this love would hurt
But I did not know it would be this hard
Because I'm not ready for you to go
I'm not ready to stich up new scars
I'm not ready for the leaves to leave the trees
I'm not ready for the wind to be cold
I'm not ready to say goodbye
Because this love was meant to be gold.
But you can't decide when the wind changes
And now withered love will blow away
I guess I should've listened to Robert Frost
when he whispered to me,
"Nothing gold can stay."

i love you so dearly
but you are dying me blue
from the tips of my toes
to the tears you make me cry
i know you’re too clueless to understand the emotions of a hopeless romantic like me
but i hope you can understand one day
that i am doing this because i love you too much.
for so long i never understood why people left the ones they loved
“Why do such a silly thing to yourself?” I would ask the stars accompanying venus
but now i understand that the silly thing would be to stay
because as much as i love you
i need to love me too.
so for now i’ll sail my ship far away
and maybe one day you’ll grow up as i did
and love me as a love you.
and it pains me to say this
this pain is like no other
i would rather take a bullet straight through my head
but we all have to make sacrifices
and so now i will take a bullet straight through my heart
goodbye.
~ you know who you are. i love you too much to stay. i hope you can forgive me but for now let me forgive myself.~

We pulled up in the drive way
If it weren't for my hello kitty flip flops, my feet would've melted into the cracks of the pavement.
Running up to ring the doorbell, and the smell of home rushing through my nose as I am greeted by hugs.
Kicking off my kicks, and letting the beige colored carpet mingle with the bottoms of my feet.
Leaping on to a couch that was stained with strawberry ice cream and memories.
The lace that trailed off the ends of the curtains danced as the breeze from an open winow came to say, "hello."
Splashing in a wading pool while grandma looked through Avon catalouges
sipping lemonade that we made prior, in a Disney Princess Sippy Cup.
I run up the stair into my room; sparkly purple bed sheets cover my bed and I crash.
All snuggled up in an ocean of blankets while everyone else watches the Steelers game downstairs.
As I dose off, half way through a dream filled with pink, grandpa woke me up; he said we were going out for ice cream!
I put on my favorite Little Mermaid shirt on and ran downstairs.
We all pile into an old BMW and start our journey to Sarris.
Nostalgia and city lights fill my eyes with wanderlust.
We park the car and rush to hop in line. When we order our ice cream we sit down in a red diner-hop booth.
Everyone together, MiMi, Papap, Mom, Dad, Victoria, Patty, G-G, and me.
And I don't know if it was eating powdered donuts on Sunday mornings
Or the way that Fresca tasted after eating a happy meal,
but visiting your house
in that small town in Pittsburgh
Is the only way that I can describe "home."

last summer i fell in love
with someone i no longer recognize
you’ve changed so greatly since august
there’s even change in your hazel eyes
we were just too different to be together
the same as moon and sun
because although people wanted us to be two
i was just happier as one
i can hear your hurt in ever insult you speak
i can feel your hate burning through my skin
you can yell, and blame me, hurt, or shame me,
but in the end it’s your own problem within
you can claim that you don’t miss me all you want
and frankly i’m just waiting until you choke on your lies
because words can shout and scream about
but the truth is spoken softly in your hazel eyes.
but i’ve moved on, and it’s time you should too;
grow up.

sometimes you’re gonna meet people who change your life
who shine like your sun, glow like your moon, and twinkle all of your stars
but, you mustn’t fall
because someone else is their sun, their glowing moon, and stars.
and you can’t take away someone’s world, because that love comes once in a lifetime.
i just wish you could see you’re my once in a lifetime.

He loves me, he loves me not
throw flower petals up in the breeze
he loves me, he loves me not
sweet honey trills off your lips with ease
He loves me, he loves me not
even though you say it's true
he loves me, he loves me not
You make it hard to believe you
He loves me, he loves me not
my bruised skin is healed in the places you kissed
He loves me, he loves me not
but you soon strike the skin your fist once missed
He loves me, he loves me not
the soft, delicate hands that used to hold mine
he loves me, he loves me not
now beat instead of intertwine
He loves me, he loves me not
wrinkled petals flutter across the sky
he loves me, he loves me not
as you’re pleading i begin to cry
He loves me, he loves me not
And i was really hoping you’d known
that no matter how much you make up for what was lost
a plucked flower will never grow
he loves me; not.

I do not have her brown hair, and I do not have her genuine smile
But I have hair tinted as gold grain, and and a grin I've worked on for a while.
I do not have her slimmed out waist, or her beautiful skin
But I have a tummy that folds over on occasion, and a beautiful soul within.
I do not have her elegant laugh, or her power to light up a room
But I have a peculiar love for flowers, and like them I need some time to bloom.
You adore her and laugh with her, but when I come over to talk to you you walk away. And I can't help but to wonder, what would've happened if you stayed?
Now I can't promise you beauty and grace, nor can I promise me to open up.
I can't promise that I'll trust you right away, or that I'm ready to fall in love.
But I can asure you one thing, something I am just dying for you to see.
That the day she breaks you into a million pieces,
you'll wish you picked me.

The trees have shed the snow that sleeps on their branches,
and the rivers are starting to crack.
The wings of the geese are once again heard in the distance,
and icicles are creating puddles on my front porch.
I'm packing up my winter gear and saving my galoshes for next
December.
The Sun is once again peeking behind locks of cirus clouds.
Sofly kissing my cheeks and nose.
My back is warm, my toes are wet, and I finally remeber the smell of, "green."
As the Sun soons sets, the smell of a campfire cozies my lungs.
And I think I forgot how bright stars could shine, until now.
Polaroids snip snap click and clack as I gather and scrunch up with two friends to get the perfect scrapbook shot.
Burnt smores and belly laughes fill the air until we all pass out- and do it all again.
hope.

i am from walking along the cold cobble stone streets on a rainy sunday afternoon,
only to be welcomed by the warmth of my home. that is tucked into the corner of a forest, at the end of a street in the borderline subburbs.
i am from the La La Land soundtrack being played one too many times, while accompanied by a warm bath that smells of lavender and chamomile. I am from fuzzy socks and blankets snugged up by a crackling firsplace. from watching raindrops hit the glass of my windows, to the way hot chocolate tastes after heart break. i am from a family of way too many essential oils, and burning insense to clear the air. I am from passing out on an unmade bed that waits for me with open arms, and from city street lights that shine brighter than the stars. i am from excessively hanging christmas lights in unnecessary places, and from baking cookies that tastes too sweet for most taste buds. but in the end it all adds up, i am simply just from love.

I am not hot
Hot is a bowl of soup or a fresh cup of coffee
I am not hot
If you touch me will I burn you?
You’d think an English major would have wider vocabulary
Hot is not romantic hot is merely a weather forecast
For this forecast is expecting thunder if you call me hot again
But hot is what you settle for
Hot is what you say
Is hot supposed to make me swoon
In some romantic way?
Hot will sexualize and demise my self worth
Because hot is not me
It will label my beautiful with a 50% off sticker
And it will place me on a pedestal and shine spotlights on my bare body
Yelling slurs from below me and taunting my every move
Hot is not hot
I am not hot

My father once told me to always except the best and worst possible outcome.
And for the longest time i was completely baffled.
"How could I be okay with the worst possible outcome?"
"It's impossible to be okay with the worst possible outcome."
But what I think I was really trying to say was," It's impossible to be okay."
And I remeber the day loud and clear.
I was shaking and in utter destraught.
I wanted it all to end, and I too thought it was the end.
But despite the chaos
for a slim slip of a second, I was okay.
Not only with the "Worst possible outcome."
But I was genuinely okay.
Because that was the day I realized, that no matter what,
through the worst and best "possible outcomes"
I had Grace.
I had me.

i think you like your tea sweet
a spoonful of milk and a douse of honey
stirred with a silver spoon
it scrapes the porcelain gently as you brew your sweet potion
your tea wouldn’t be scorching nor chilly, but like the warm summer rain that falls upon those who wait
the cup would radiate a warm touch
like the kiss i’ve imagined rests on your lips
it’s the type of tea you drink on an early November afternoon
when you set the galoshes down and put on warm woolen socks, and hop into a cedar scented sweater
i’m not usually a fan of tea
but your’s might change my mind
i think you like your tea sweet

You are the warm breeze that hits my shoulders in summer
When I am sitting in the shade
Roots mingling with blades of grass
Bumble bees cozy in my braids

Always passing
Always watching
Always moving
Always there
And I too am always passing
Always moving
Always watching
And always there
But you just so happen to not be aware
Of my presence

You somehow are able to make flowers dance
You even make the weeds waltz and sway
You make butterflies blush and blue birds sing
But yet you never seem to stay

Soon fall comes around the corner
And your chill makes the oak trees drop their clothes
We graze fingertips
as you wrap around my hips
And we nearly touch lips
And time suddenly froze

So did you

You became a chilling breeze of ice
I had to force away your embrace
Because slowly snowflakes and frost
Appeared across my face

I’ve longed to be with you since forever
But every weeping willow tree knows
As much as I wanted to hold on to you
The wind must eventually go

So a watched you glide away
Across the freshly fallen snow
And without a breeze nearby
Things were moving slow

No poppies were swaying
No sunflowers were smiling
No butterflies were in sight
The weeds were not waltzing
The blue birds did not sing
And there were no stars twinkling in the sky that night

Soon the snow melted into dandelions
And the snowflakes melted midair into rain
Sprinkling on the concrete sidewalks
And the noise seemed to wash out my brain

Because that next summer I didn’t miss you
Your presence no longer meant a thing
And I think everyone also forgot
Because the roses still bloomed
And the blue birds would still sing

And one day I felt a warm breeze walk by
While I was sitting in the shade
My roots in between blades of grass
And flowers stuck in strands of my braids

Since forever I’ve longed for this feeling
That’s why I’ll never know
That instead of holding on
I decided to let the breeze go

-It’s time to let go

every word that you speak
hits my ears like falling rain
every glance you send my way
glides up the side of my body
from my painted toes, to my amateur excuse of hips, and crawls up the back of my spine to then plant a kiss on my neck.
when you touch my skin, i become bathed in the feeling of love; as the shore longs for a crashing tidal wave to sweep it off its feet,
i long for you.

i’m just abother victim of the green eyed monster

Is silence so much to ask for?
If you don stop I will slam your lips shut
Because these same old lines of mockery
Are making me want to thow up.
If you don leave me alone, I am warning you
beware of the things to come
because I wont hesitate
to chew your face and spit it out like cherry chewing gum.
If you dont leave I am telling you
I will **** you, I promise, I swear
because I am sick and tired of being your joke
So if you dont shut up, I am warning you
beware.

i miss you
but i promise i’ll see you soon
and when i return home, and i gaze into your beautiful luring eyes
I will wisper, “I love you, I love you” without even moving my lips
and our eyes will intertwine for what feels like a century
but when reality comes flooding back in
we’ll move along with our lives
just as friends.

I am so greatful
that the world has let me fall in love
with such a beautiful soul

most of the moments she remembers
only happen in her dreams

i feel like a sailor lost at sea
but the sea is filled with people
and the boat i am steering is my mind
you are the island i saw far in the distance
with fruits of gold
mountains of silver
and streams of crystals
sand of emeralds
and sunshine made of citrine
a moon of pale opal
and stars of pure diamonds
and as i rushed to shore holding out open arms
you vanished
disappeared
and i was simply just a sailor, having a hallucination
lost at sea.

I can't seem to figure out if it is love itself that I fear, or if it is the possibility of never being loved back that scares me.
There are billions and billions of people on this Earth, and yet I haven't felt a single spark with anyone of the two thousand people that surround me.
Not one.
I've come very, very, very close, but the match was just too far from the wick.
The irony of it all is that I don't even know if I long for love anymore.
I've craved it and held onto it for so long, but after a while the taste was familiar, bland, and sometimes even a little bitter.
People don't fall in love anymore.
Some may kiss a smitten crush, others may hold "their one" so tightly, and some jump in the sheets with a new endeavor everynight.
But this isn't love.
Love isn't possible nor does it exist.
It was simply glorified with the glitter pens of old english literature, and fed to our souls to give us a reason to stay.
But it doesn't exist,
So why keep lying to ourselves?
As much as I'd like to blame it on what he said, or what he did I cant.
Because he did not make love extinct, dissolve, and blow away in ashes from the palm of my hand.
I did.
I burned it all because of a broken heart, and now look where it is.
gone.
And I can't get it back,
so I'll just have to live
without love.

You mean so very much to me
You make butterflies spiral up my stomach and flurry around my heart
you make me giggle on the days that my eyes are sore from crying
I love every single part of you
from the freckles around you beautiful brown eyes
from the way your lips seem to have the words “kiss me” written on them in cursive ribbons
but every rose has it’s thorn
You seem to enjoy the daisies
while i enjoy the sunflowers
and no daisy lover shall fall for a child of the sunflower
but when i’m with you, i could care less
the way we love without warning makes Romeo and  Juliet jelous, oh so jealous
i’ve spent the summer away from you, but that doesn’t mean a day goes by that i refuse to think about you
and on this summer journey i noticed something quite strange.
As the sun rose and melted colors of pink, and orange, and yellow into the morning sky
i saw a single sunflower
holding hands with a daisy
and oh how happy they looked
soon the orange, and yellow, and pink transformed into beautiful  cumulus clouds.
and there the daisy sat with that sunflower.
and i don’t think i’ve ever seen something better represent love.

Now I’m not usually into politics
But our nation's not a firm apologists of its actions
And it’s making me quite frustrated
Seeing homeless veterans on the street
Isn’t being this small minded just a little bit outdated?
The America that we’re living in has me completely surprised
Has no one in this country ever opened their eyes?
Because our skin tone still defines us
Yeah thats without a doubt
As if the darker your skin gets the less respect your given
Is that what you want America to be about?
Immigrants are given no trust
And now our  president wants to put a wall around us
I think that’s enough
Don’t you?
They say we’re in troubled paradise but all I see is trouble
Cause the number of suicides from last year to now has nearly doubled
And not to mention
That there have been just about 22 school shootings in just this past year
Ever wonder why our country is trembling in fear
Well here’s why
Because our school dress code matters more than our gun laws
Here's why
Because our skin tone determines our value and our worth
Here’s why
Because Gay marriage was only legal just a few years ago
Here’s why
Because poverty is spreading quicker than ever
Here’s why
Because now women get harrassed on the street
Here’s why
Because some people feeling like dying everyday and the only help they’re  given is prescribed medication
Here’s why
Because women are still paid less than men
Now I suggest you go ahead and look outside
And don’t try to hide away from it all
Don’t ignore the homeless man that is dying on the street
Don’t ignore the black woman being sexually assaulted on that corner
Don’t ignore the that gay couple being rejected from their church
Don’t ignore that little girl who has to measure her shorts for school
And we are told that young or old freedom will unfold
But If that’s so
Then why has nothing changed in the past century?
And now let me ask you
Did we make America great again?

I long to see the moonlight hit that face of yours
it looks so pure, so untouchable.
its as if the gods carved and chiseled you by hand
and then, by the grace of god, brought you to life.  
I want your marble hands to rest on the small of my back
and those polished lips to kiss me from my collar bone,
to my neck,
to my cheeks,
and then my longing lips.
- I want you so badly