I love you
I hate you
I like you
I want to fight you

The cycle on repeat a broken record ending in defeat,
I know you won't leave,
And I can't begin to think of a day that I can't call you baby,

I try to fight to be seen,
But believe you're going to leave anyway,

We both refuse to lose,
We both refuse to choose something better,
We both don't want better,
We want this,

Yet,
Here we go again,

You *****,
You liar,
You're toxic,
But your lips taste so sweet,
That even if it tried to end,
we wind right back up here,

Here we go again,

Same old story,
Another day,
Better,

The cycle on repeat a broken record ending in defeat,
I know you won't leave,
And I can't begin to think of a day that I can't call you baby,

So bittersweet,
My lipstick on your teeth,
Your lips travel my body,
Begging me to stay,

Sin never felt this great,
You *****,
You lair,
You're toxic,

But we're addicted,
So here we go again,

It doesn't matter,
Because in the end,

I love you,
I don't hate you,
I don't always like you,
And I truly don't want to fight you.

Yet,

None of them can fill the slience

I want my voice back

Mountains

Moving
Oceans
Underneath
Never-ending
Talens
Angry voices
And
Inside out stomach flips
Nerves
Shivers and silence

she bravely writes her words as if she hasn't spoken in years,
she closes her eyes to the troubles of the world in hopes she can escape the traps of lies,
she wonders if they will come to save her but understands if they do the will find out just as she has there is no way out,

she will not speak unless spoken too,
only write what she is given permission too,
and only read the books she gives,

she will conform to society because it is the only way she has to know how to survive,
she would rather die than fight for her own rights,
she would rather become silent an, have saved her soul then lose the little light she has,
the little light she stole,

so I know it might not seem like much but she has been taught to hide her true intentions,

give her time,
she will surprise you,
because though she quiet she is not blind,
and they will all soon learn who she is behind close doors

Becoming the storm by Astra

Tears dropped precipitously on the ocean floor, Her eyes full of a glassy haze,
Her mind like a cave,
Written on the walls are stories of her soul told in images,
Her as a child laying in depths of the darkness alone yet not fearful,
Her as a girl young and wild full of energy in the glow of the sunlight,
Her as a woman petrified of the world yet controlling it from the castle of the land,
Broken and bruised yet someone brand new,
The tears have turned from dripping water to waterfalls, They say “when it rains it pours,”
Her soul combined with the earth creating,
An earthquake allowing the storms to illuminate her soul,
And come alive but not like others, to survive by,
Becoming,
Becoming the storm

My skin tingles as I imagine what it’s like to be touched with love,
Hand once unkind or maybe they weren’t hands but eyes,

Eyes that burned my skin,
As fire arises I wonder if this is what it’s like to burn alive,

I remember the way you looked at me,
Starring your fiery eyes and begging me to want you,

But deep down I knew that the man across the room,
Would love me to life,

Instead of saying he loved me while watching me as I cried begging for my life

The overwhelming thoughts,
The never-ending desire to reach perfection,
The idea of reaching one's potential,
Or even the simple task of one's daily requirements,

A single volcanic eruption can’t begin to compare to life’s purpose,
The almost unreachable; aching
Realization that the idea of expression will ***** up your intentions.

A poem of my mind,

people only know how you feel if you speak it,
speaking my feelings is a sin,
one can not commit,
not even to you,
the one I wish could understand it without even a lick of my lips,

I wish you could get it,
yet I know no one can understand that I can never be it

Piano placed in,
Empty fields of sunflowers,
Bright yellow caress,

Your beautiful skin almost aligning,
Fears keep multiplying,
Wind shifts,

Our souls forever entwined,
In the fields of our minds,
Sunflowers and Pianos

It’s one am and I’m more confused then I was yesterday,
My thoughts somehow overpowering my life,

Making choices and walls that I can’t seem to deny,
Sometimes I wonder if tears ever truly dry,

Because though you may not see them on the outside,
I promise you,
I’m flooding on the inside

As the wind rattles the windows,
I arch my back allowing myself to imagine the wind brushing against my legs,

My dress filling with air,
And for the first time watching the sun highlight my skin,
Allowing it to illuminate a color of bright gold,

Shining brighter than a thousand diamonds,
As the warmth flows through my veins, I remember the ice cold dreams of darkness,

Yet remind myself to fall in the warmth,
Because the more I focus my mind on the abyss that’s drowned in sunlight,

The more I want to live a long life

Shut up, I screamed to my mind only to realize I just woke it up.

You're right..I'm not over it...but you forgot one word..YET..
I'm not over it yet but eventually I will be and you'll be the one left missing me.

Poem

One word changes a life

Update: this one changed mine!

Watch me,

Watch me eat a cake,
the whole dang cake,

Watch me own MY body,
and ignore your comments,

Watch me smile,
as each day my thighs get a little bigger,

Watch me learn,
learn to love me,
learn to respect myself,

Watch me,
own who I am and make no apologies

Watch me,
want my life,
my mind,
and every piece of who I am,

Watch me,
watch me as I have bad days,
and watch me as I strive,

Watch me as I come alive!

Listen,
Breathe,
Shh silence she’s asleep,
Quite to not make a peep,

The child made of concrete and leaves,
Is fast asleep,
Move to quickly and the ground will shake,
allow the vibrations to awake,
A silent soul so pure and innocence,

Yet the world decided to scream,
CHILD MADE OF CONCRETE YOU DON’T DESERVE TO BE,

Frightened and confused the child moves just to quickly,
To hear the earth raddle as the body meets the floor,

I wish they would have just
listened some more..

Haven’t written in a while,
The reason or reasons seem jumbled in my head,
I know what I want to say but I question if it wrong if I feel a certain way,

Lying in dread,
From these thoughts, I try to escape,
Lies I remind myself,
Feelings are lies,
Allowing yourself to hide is the greatest gift you could give,
Keep on tryin to believe you're alright,
But at night it’s like the light can’t even help

You’re fine,
There’s nothing wrong,
Well, nothing significant,

Roof over head,
Bread in tummy,
Plates to parents,
Air to heat,
Sheets to shoes,
All it is mind over matter,
As long as you don’t mind it won’t matter,

I mind,
Does my mind matter?
Do all the thoughts I think matter?
Is it wrong to feel what I feel?
Is it wrong to believe what I believe?
What’s right?
Why’d I stoping writing?
Why'd I try to silence myself?

Is it the thought that my voice is meant for silence,
That I should be the girl in crowded hallways who bears her soul inside the books, walking quietly,
Smiling at strangers, trying to remember no one sees the chaos in my brain,
That it’s all tall tales I tell myself,

So I’ll sit and type the feelings I feel,
Allowing the silence to fill the voids of speaking,
knowing I’ll be judged for them,
Believing my life is meant for more  keeps me going,
And one day showing the respect of a voice that just wants to feel heard,

Silence is deafening,
Let me know if you can hear it too?

I wish I believe it when people say they'll never leave,
But I still taste the salty tears of the goodbye note you wrote,
The lullabies of heartfelt cries,
An those times I was to good at say goodbye,

Behind my pain-filled eyes,
I see a girl I use to recognize,
A healing heart,
On a open battlefield,

A little girl trying to believe the bedtime story she told,
But being told by her soul the real world,

One where princess have to wait for there Prince Charming,
One where the frog kisses the wrong princess,
One where the fairy godmother is to late,
And one where she broke her shoe,
her carriage has become a cage,
When her hair as faded from every page turn,

The war that has been raged inside her,
Because she afraid to believe in one day,
She afraid to believe the nevers and the forevers,
Because she seen everyday turn to parades of the same fake forces daze,

To never forget that life to short to trust salt,
That was confused for sugar,
That being nice with only take you so far,
And that one day,
You wake up feeling the same,

You'll flap our wings one more time,
And sing your fairytale song,
And your true love will sing along,
You’ll remember what it like to dream,
And believe it could be a happily ever after,

And wake up in a world,
Of your own,
And those goodbyes,
Will turn to mournful cries from forgotten peoples eyes,
Because just than they will realize,
There boring lives,

As she thrives,
She survives,
And now truly now,
She good at goodbyes,
And hardly recognized,
For the rest of her life