I am fighting in a war
blood stain on my chest
the battle front  is empty
yet the field is a grand mess

and in this war, I stand
with no partner, king or hero
only pierced pain on my stomach
from a straight  cut bullet arrow

and this arrow had no bow
just soft hands that plunged my death
and I tell myself, enough
while I lose myself and breath

I am fighting a war
and in it, I fight alone
for  the enemy is me
with myself, I can not atone

I’m running out of words to explain how much I’m fond of you but I hope you see it deep within my eyes, in the way I look at you like I’m dying just to walk towards you, to hear you talk, to watch you laugh and feel like I’m standing right next to ‘everything I’ve ever asked for’ in a human form. I know that I don’t look at anybody else the way I look at you. I’m needy and I’m selfish, I get crazy jealous over what’s mine, I argue quiet a lot and I complicate things out of my control but I hope you don’t get tired of me, because then I’d be fed up with myself too. I love you, even when I’m ****** as hell, at my worst and best I don’t love you less. I can’t seem to be able to write much about you, I get goosebumps just by the thought of you because you, you cannot be real. You’re a crashing wave and I don’t mind drowning in you.

I miss you
I long for you
I would **** to have you by my side

Words like these give you the pleasure of hearing them, don’t they? But little do you know, these words come out from sorrow, despair. Delusion, perhaps.
It could be months before I get you back, it could be years… it could be… never. I may never fall back into your arms again. I might as well stay as I am; broken beyond repair.

I knew I’d lose you I just didn’t have the slightest clue it would be so soon, so… What’s the word? Effortless?
I guess so.
I began losing you that day, little at a time, piece after piece. Fights followed by cold behavior. I started going days without hearing from you, and I began wondering, how on earth do you manage to stay away from the person you love the most and not feel a thing? And then it hit me that this question worked its best on me, maybe it all meant a little something, to me. Maybe, just maybe, you were my favorite thing in the world but I was the least worthy of your time and attention. God knows how much I loath one-sided affection.

My dearest friend, my ever lasting love. You were more than just words. Your beauty was beyond my understanding. I remember laying in bed, wondering, what have I done, that was so purely good, to be blessed with a soul like yours?
You understood me with every word I said, you memorized all of my concepts. And I let you slip away. And I will always hate both of us for letting go of something irreplaceable.

You're no longer here and it all seems pointless cause I write as much as I can but no ink nor thought, no word nor letter has the power to bring you back to me.

I miss you. It sounds pleasing at first, but if you read between those three words, you’ll find what I call… Grief.

"Why do you love her?”
I don’t know, mom. Why don’t you ask yourself the same thing about dad every once in awhile?
Why do you love him?

Does the way he wraps his barbaric hands around your womanhood and rinses it of all pride turn you on?
Or maybe it’s the way his fists move with your tears… the choreography perfectly in sync with the ballad of your captivity… comfort… conformity - same thing, right?

Why do you love him?
Do you not see the chains on your ankles?
These are the same rusty chains that held onto your self-doubt; you’re drowning in a glass of water, mother.
The hinges are loose but you’re so stupid… so in love… your vision is blurry now. Let go of the tears you held back for sixteen years.

“Why do you love her?”
I don’t know, mother. Somewhere between the passion and commotion; the *** and the rage, I forgot.
I think I understand why you’re holding on.. It’s all in the comfort of knowing they will always be there. It’s all in the lack of trying and just being.

I don’t know why I love her.

I thought I was broken, maybe I still am.
I thought I couldn't love at all, that all my life was ******.

I thought I'd be fine on my own, living the life I'd been dealt. Until suddenly your in my life and I've felt things I've never felt.

You grabbed my hand, you held my heart, you glued me back together and promised I'd never fall apart.

And now your mine our hands intertwined, and now I'm yours, our love out pours.

Into every word we speak and everything we do, because every hole in my life is now filled with you.

"Hey, is that your boyfriend?"

"No."

"Who are you texting, I bet it's your boyfriend."

"No."

"So, do you have a boyfriend?"

"No"

"Hey, take this guy's number. He's really hot, you should totally text him."

"NO"
"No"
"No"
"No" I don't have boyfriend. Beacause I have a girlfriend. I love a girl, and yet I change all the she's to he's so no one will ever see the real me. I change my lock screen and delete my texts, so no one can see the love I profess for the girl that I love it's time I confess.....but I can't.

I can't tell anyone the way I feel, i should tell everyone because my lies they steal,

All of our happiness and the love we provide, all because I keep my love for you inside.

Fact: To some people I only need to find the right man.

Fact: No man, could ever love me the way that you can.

I'm locked in this world, feeling like a liar, while people surround me I watch their actions transpire.

You know it's funny, in my own family, it's okay for a girl to be a *****, because it's only the gays we really deplore.

I've loved one woman all my life, but compared to my sister who's reached double digets, I'm the one who'll always be blamed by the bigots.

Maybe one day, it'll will be different.
And our lives will feel anew.

For now, to all the girls who love girls,
It's okay to be you.

You asked me to give you space,
   I told you yes, I'm sorry, I love you.
You asked me to stop reminding you,
   I told you yes, I'm sorry, I love you.
You asked me to give you privacy,
   I told you yes, I'm sorry, I love you.
You asked me to always be positive,
   I told you yes, I'm sorry, I love you.
I asked you to show me affection,
   You told me you're not that kind of man.

I told you I did it for us,
I told you I have anxiety,
I told you I have depression,
I told you I love you more than anything.

You told me I did it to myself.
You told me I make things up,
You told me to stop bringing you down,
You told me I make you hate your life.

I told you yes, I'm sorry, I love you.
   Please don't leave me.

You stayed.

I'm scared to ask why?

you don't deserve a word
not even a poem
how does it feel
when you lost the people
you confessed you "love"

how did it feel
when your own medicine
ran through your throat?
how does it feel
to steal so much time
from someone who treasured it?
holding it close to her chest
against her rib cage

how does it feel
to steal something you don't own
from a family you "care" for

and how does it feel?
to see someone who loves me
better than you do
because you thought
no one could ever love me like you