keeps me in a trance
somewhere between consciousness
and dreaming
I lay there
replaying every moment
        we spent together
reliving every sweet moment
        our bodies touched
and I still wonder
why I wasn't good enough for you

•  Old dresser drawers reopened
• silly, simple T-shirts back in style
• confusion of how the last 5 years of fashion
• abandoned honesty and compassion, straightforward presentation

• he swims into the swatch
• it fits perfectly, but what to wear with it?
• total mystery; his sleek, **** jeans?
• his soft, comfortable shorts?

• maybe this would be easier if
• he owned less costumes
• silently noting that nudists
• likely feel quite comfortable in T-shirts

• shuddering @ the thought of such vulnerability
• he sorts through another stack
• faded reds dredging long drowned days
• eyes closed, sun bleeding crimson, thoughts lofty

• wondering what the sneakers he used to wear
• really said
• long sigh, less than hopeful
• but these things are cyclical, you know

• what goes, eventually comes
• old pictures always met with "what was I thinking"
• with fashion, you never can be sure, not even later
• besides, one day you'll just wear a suit, so be simple now

there are times where i remember everything you have given me. you taught me the best things and the worst. you taught me how to love with all my heart, and how to hate with every inch of my soul. there are times where i remember the way you use to look at me. when you use to pay attention, nod your head in awe of what i had to think, of what i had to feel. you use to look so golden, even underneath the moons pale gaze and the cigarette smoke against your breeze-chilled skin. i use to look like a ghost. only visible to your eyes. there are times where i remember everything you told me. remembering that i have the power to leave the cold bath water if i pleased. that i had the power. you use to always be there for me. you always use to protect me when i needed it the most. i could call you and you'd be waiting for me on the other end. i always did the same for you. i still would. i remember the times you use to love me. when i was your favourite, and we'd dance around in the darkness, unafraid and young. before our cigarettes turned stale, our lipstick running out, you use to love me. it seems now the track has stopped, the feelings gone; unamused and full of malice, you used to love me. you used to. and now you've used me entirely.

-the first layer

conceptcollection

She loves the feel of good words
And I am full of them tonight.

When I lived on Venice Beach
my nickname was “Smiley”
because I smiled at everyone

When I lived in Luxembourg
I was not understood
because I smiled at everyone

When I was a child
my mother made a game of smiling
and when she saw someone unhappy
on the street or in their car
she would smile at them
until they finally smiled back
and only rarely did her efforts fail

I have been considered shallow
by those who never knew me
because I smile at everyone

but those people have no clue
how much inner strength
those smiles represent

thank you god for this blunt
and for making me fend for my own
praise the prophets for the hunt
and all that they wrote in stone
I'm grateful to bear the brunt
of the pains and things unknown
thanks be to the universe-I live in want
and we all reap what we've sewn
I thank existence and face blunts
cause i never burn alone

I love you more than you love me
Just the thought of  you kept me from the wrong way
You are the only person I see
Got past all demons, I have not strayed.

But why didn't you do the same
You have once again stabbed my healing scar
For you, is this all just a game?
No turning back. We are more than marred.

Goodbye is a hard thing to say
When I think all the good memories that we had
But that alone couldn't fill the gap
You have lost me. When you chose to fall into a trap.