I held you as you slept
and I knew.

Was it three years?
Or just two? The nine month break
must be counted too.

God I love you,
it's an illness. God,
I really ******* love you.

But I knew,
I kissed you hard
but it just didn't taste the same.

It just didn't burn the same.
For once I feel like
friends would make more sense.

It's emptiness,
it's the first time hopeless
since I was sixteen.

Nineteen now
and I still love you,
but it just doesn't taste the same.

It wasn't the heartbreak, no.
It wasn't the anxiety or lack of motivation.
It wasn't the drugs that killed him.

I think that he simply got tired
Of all those lined up houses
In his neighbourhood.


F.Z.**N

A man at my local zoo
Once showed me how snake venom
Effected human blood.
While dripping a drop of the acrid mess with one hand,
He held a small container of life in the other
And with a drop and a swirl of his wrist,
The blood was coagulated
And obviously unable to flow.
In that moment I knew
That love
Was the venom
And I
Was the blood,
Slowly congealing and
Falling at my only purpose:
Staying alive.

there was a little cat of the furry sort
and he used to dream he was an astronaut.

climbing in his rocket heading to the stars
landing down on jupiter then flying on to mars.

he could float in space and float around all day
all along the universe  and across the milky way.

he had a little suit and and big space hat
he was a proper astronaut a proper spaceman cat.

when his dream was over he woke in his bed
the thoughts of being an astronaut still running through his head.

i can't help but feel sad
over all the people i'll never get to meet.
never feel the calloused hands that have turned the earth inside and out
never see the eyes of those who have chased the sun, moon, and stars
never trace the constellations they weave in their heads.

this world is overrun with beautiful souls
but not enough me-
why can't i have more hands to hold the ones stretching out to me?
why can't i have more legs to carry me further across?
let me meet them halfway
between "what i know" and "what i could know."
let me go
i beg of you
please let me go.

there are so many beautiful souls
but not enough me-- not enough me.

so instead i will embrace the bodies before me
i will hold out my frail hands
and read theirs like they're the last book i'll ever read.
i will be afraid to blink
in hopes of watching every sunset they extend.
i will carry their hearts wherever i go
and wear their lives through each season.