I'm drowning again
Waves have been crashing over me
As I struggled to swim
But now
I'm just sinking
The fight is gone
Gravity is taking over
And the light grows thin
As I sink into darkness
I tell myself to breathe
But it's a hard thing to do underwater

I feel empty as if someone dearly close to me died every time I finish reading a book or series. I am often sadder that the story finished than when characters die. It is a really lonely few minutes. Then I read the book again.

They said
It wasn't surprising
We all
Knew
She couldn't
Hold on forever
But
We still
Kind of expected
Her to
Because after a
Year
Of rallying
Us thinking
This is it
And her surviving
Making it
To her 90th birthday
We didn't think
It would be now
We thought she had years
Maybe not
Happy
And maybe not
Easy
But years
Still
We thought she
Would be happier
Now that she was not
All alone
But
Then
She got sicker
And we found out
That night
That she was
Gone







* * *








No one cried
At first
We all just stood
Quietly
Wondering
Why
We Knew
She wasn't
Happy
She was in
Pain
She was
Sick
But now
She is gone
I hope
Her pain was
Left here with her
Body
And that she
Is happy
Now
I hope that
She is healthy
That she can walk
With ease
I miss her
But I hope
She is better
Now

They said
It wasn't surprising
We all
Knew
She couldn't
Hold on forever
But still
It was a
Surprise

You wanted to know why
I was destroying myself
But how do you explain
To someone who doesn't know
What it feels like
To have your thoughts
Tear you apart

I have a friend
Who is beautiful
And kind
But I am losing her
To the dark side
No not to anything life threatening
Yet
It is this thing called
Popularity
And she wants it
And I'm pretty sure she would do anything
Not to feel invisible
That is a long list
I am worried
Every time I see her
She is more and more distant
She is crazy
Like before
But in a way that is different
How you act with your new friends
Conflicts with some of my morals
You can't seem to think
About academics
Or family
Only your social circle
I am worried
Someone is going to take advantage of your desperateness
To be Seen
And you are going to get hurt
Honestly the only thing that keeps me
From hiding in bushes outside of the houses
You go to parties in
With a chainsaw
Ready to rush to your rescue
Is that you don't tell me when they are
And also I don't currently have a chainsaw in my possession
I am worried
That I am going to lose you

Parsavagely Kompenere

lnside your sadness
If you feel like
You are the Real Version of the Walking Dead
It will get better

I Promise

Your sun will come out again
Happiness is in your forecast
There will be rain again
But like the weather
It will not be constant

I Promise

If you need someone to lean on
Or simply carry you through the rain
Just Ask
I will be there

I Promise

Because what I Promise is not the solution to your problems
Or the end of all your tears

I Promise Hope

He would be kind
To everyone
Polite at least
He would get along with my friends
Be able to carry a conversation
Be someone I could be proud to introduce to my parents
Someone who would scare them
Someone who likes dogs
Who will support me in an argument
But not always give me what I want (only mostly :p)
Who will listen to me when I am upset
But know when to distract me from my thoughts
He would know the real me
And like me for it
He wouldn't laugh at me for loving writing
Or being crazy
He would want to read all of my stories
He wouldn't be afraid of those three words
Yet he would mean them when he said it
He would push my limits
But not destroy my comfort zone
He would be proud to call me his girlfriend
I would be able to trust him wholeheartedly
He would be honest
And if either one of us had to end our relationship
It would not be because he cheated
We would be able to talk for hours
About anything
Or nothing
Or we could just sit together
Quietly
With no awkwardness
And basically just be my best friend
And the best boyfriend
I could ask for

When everyone is saying
How much they hate
Their appearance, personality, althetic and academic abilities

I stand away
Awkward and quiet
Offering no opinion

Not because I am happy with myself
But because I am so insecure
I am afraid that pointing out my flaws

Will make you see

The parts of me I hate
The parts of me I hide
The parts of me I tried to change

Yet failed

Because I have what I got
I can't change it
To fit in with everyone else

I can't be someone else
Because I am not them
I'm me

And in some way that has to be enough

Darkened room
Soft voices
I enter
Moving quietly
I don't belong
Every movement is deafening
The group's voices rise together
We make eye contact
I turn to leave through a dark, narrow stairwell
I hear the voices
In haunting harmony
Chase me through the hall

We used to live next door
But now your home is empty
We used to sit in desks side by side
And giggle whenever we got in trouble
We used know each others favourite everything
We would choose swings over slide for the other
But
One day your windows were shut
Your door was locked
Your desk was still beside me
But you always looked away
Your new friends would play on the swings
While I sat on alone

Why
Why not
What if
I wish
I promised I would
I promised I wouldn't
I wish I could
I
Don't
Want
To
Die
But
I
Do
No
I
Just
Don't
Want
This
Particular
Life