Some days
nothing
is the most
eloquent
statement
you can
make.
Shout it
out.
- mce

I was once asked what would I do
If I had to make a choice,
Between that which was best for you
And that which would make you happy

Which would I choose?
You asked me Intently
Well now that I've made my choice
Please let it be the right one

I,
have issues.
But probably not the kind you think.
Mine were created by my father and big sister.
By their relationship.
I have strived for a better relationship
to be better at everything than her.
But I've given up.
I no longer see the point
When you're sixteen years old
And you're more mature than your forty-three year old father.
Even so I'm terrified I'll end up like my sister.
Albeit she's doing well now
She's a teacher and is happy
and, she hates our fathers guts.
I don't blame her though
when you're father calls you a *****
And accuses you of sleeping around
because you go to school early to get help.
I can see why.
It doesn't help when he sides with his sister-in-law
And he tells you to "respect your elders"
even though she tried to burn you with a firework.
I do blame her however
for that dark cloud over my birthday.
See the night I turned ten
she took those pills.
She drank that strawberry Hill Boonesfarm.
She tried to **** herself.
But see I'm the only one who remembers the date
I remember every detail of that night.
Every image
Every feeling,
Everything.
I remember the red and blue flashing lights.
I remember the gurney
I remember the cold of the night,
until I went numb that is.
I have no respect for my father
when you do that to a child how could you.
But I am terrified of that.
Terrified I'll end up like her
that I'll break
that I'll be the one on the floor unconscious.
He was trying to do better
but I think he's given up too.
And while my greatest fear is that I'll be like my sister.
My second greatest
is that I'll end up with someone like my father.

I'm trying to be
a better person
but it's hard when
you're so
beautiful

and
it's hard when the night is cold
and I am wasteful

and when I thirst for
everything
how others thirst for
sedentariness

I'm not sure if
it's natural to
be good
but I want it oh
so bad.

Thank you for the love that almost was.
You've been a nice and gentle man
And offered more than I could dream
But alas, I'm not what I seem
It's not my fault you lived a dream
About a love that almost was.

I have to leave you now, my dear
Why must all men be only boys?
You think we're all your little toys...

You are so young, so immature!
Your choking love I can't endure but I could never tell you, not a single word.
You've cut my wings, a crawling bird I'm when you keep me in your thought.
It's not my fault I love you not.
I'm sorry, but my answer's no
And well...
For this I have to let you go.

Maybe pain is just right in us,
hibernating all the time.
Waiting for a trigger to infect us,
to engulf us and put us in tears.
Maybe pain is inside us,
it can't be removed, erased,
and even deleted in our system.
Happiness just need to overwhelm us,
and drown this pain in us,
for us to feel, to live.
And even if I'm bleeding everyday,
this pain that cut me in every way.
I will say that I'm okay
and accepted the fact that
pain is just right in us, in me.

I'm just a girl
With the usual smile,
Usual laugh
Even the typical
red lipstick and mascara.

I'm just
the usual girl
with a Twitter account,
Instagram,
and Facebook.

But you know,
all these things
are not so worth it..

Not unless,
I use these for you
to
notice me,
cherish me,
adore me
and maybe..
Just maybe...

Love me.

It's your look,
the way you dress,
your tweets
flicks a heart string.

But sometimes,
ignites a spark within me.

It's is for the best.
But what if the best is not for me?

Look at me.
And tell me
you're still here.

Boy,
I ain't over you..

*Not now..
Not yet..

I miss you
But I can't miss you
If I miss you
You win
Or I lose
Or something
And I keep losing
I keep breaking
I'm tired
So very tired
I wish I could sleep
But insomniacs don't sleep
When they throw away their
Lullabies

I stare,
I look,
You smile,
You took.
Gliding so softly
Across my skin
Just one touch
Is a type of sin.
One breath,
One heart,
Two hands,
Two parts.
Stroke my heart and soul
But please oh please
Do not wish
For my heart for ease.
You kiss,
You take,
It's you,
It's fate.