Summer was materializing
When I met
The most beautiful girl
I had ever seen.
A jacket was not needed.

Fall came upon us.
I began to fall in love
With the most beautiful girl
I had ever seen.
A jacket was optional.

Winter struck us.
I confessed my love,
And you kept me warm
throughout the season.
A jacket was a must.

Spring knocked on our door.
After fights and discussions,
We always made up:
The world was ours.
A jacket was optional.

Summer breezed in.
The bed was cold.
You decided to leave.
The world was invariably yours.
A jacket was not needed.

Fall flew by.
I met another girl who I wished
Amounted to who you were,
But I know she never will.
I threw out my jacket.

I still love you so much,
Even after all the pain
You brought to my doorstep.

But I could never admit it,
So I began lying when you asked
If I still felt something for you.

And when you asked if I was okay,
I would sternly say "I'm perfectly fine",
And that I was happy you had moved on.

Sometimes I would even mention
Some fake new love I'd wildly invented
And all the fake love I felt for her.

But the lies were actually for me,
Because with them I could pretend
I was happy and didn't need you.

They helped me live a life I wasn't living.
A futile life with you, without you:
*The idyllic life.

It's getting harder to write.

Tears run down my face
As I stare at the blank paper
And realize that it's you.

It's getting harder to write.

This window of emptiness,
This episode of hollowness,
Is the result of you.

It's getting harder to write.

You triggered everything,
That has ever been wrong with me.
But I'm a great liar: "I'm fine."

**I lost my ability to write.

If I could not word how,
I
Felt for you,
I
Would say it all in a kiss,