my fingers around the mug                        
                                    ­i imagine your neck
steam fogs over my glasses                        
                                       i imagine your breath
heat rushes to my face                                
                                         i imagine your warmth
a sip of hot green tea                                  
                                  i imagine your lips

all these mingling with mine
whenever i drink
a cup of you

my soul is drenched
from the storms
he causes within me;
his hands, his laugh, and his words
are pulling me in like they’re sirens,
lord, keep me at bay,
for i want to drown
in his ocean trench.

maybe one day
i won't get so scared that
i might fall for you again
every time i see you
after so long.
maybe all i'll see in you
is the ghost of that love
that i've generously gave you;
all the feelings i had
buried six feet under;
and my love letters
left on the surface like a gravestone
with every beautiful word
i ever wrote for you engraved on it;
the last tangible proof
of what existed
and is long gone from the confines of my soul.
oh how i would mourn
for what i have lost,
oh how i would be stronger by then
to be able to see you again
without my longing,
to be able to smile
at the boy who murdered my heart.

i imagine
kissing him would taste like
his vanilla tobacco and whiskey;
he would taste just like sin.
maybe thats why i find myself
drowning in my liquor
as i start to wish
my head was spinning from
the gentle graze of his lips instead,
not from this
cherry-flavored poison
I have in hand.

you're the poison that i want
and not having you
will still **** me.