The Sun peeks through the
openings of a tree’s leaves
Giving life to all

peace is slowing your pace
purposefully prolonging the pitter patter
of your feet on the pavement
peering up at the pretty, pale illumination

the roads are becoming familiar

i cant tell if i like that or not

the roads are becoming familiar

will i stay or go? if i stay will i be happy? if i go will i be happy?

the roads are familiar

what if i left?

the roads aren't familiar

When we think of grandparents,
We think of smiling faces
Warm hugs
Sometimes slow or in a wheelchair
But they are always there to listen

But one day they won’t listen
They want to but
they can’t
Their ears aren’t working as well anymore
You have to shout when you’re five feet away

They won’t hear your words
But they’ll see your face, the sadness
The frustration
They’ll know that they are getting old
And when they know it, you know it and it hurts

from the bird in the sky
we hear no cry
yet it always hears us
it hears as our heartbeats quicken
breaths freeze
and thoughts race
it swoops down
tries to get closer
wanting a bite of our body
while we suffocate ourselves
with our tears
it can hear us no longer
though its wandering eyes search
we have build ourselves a house
that none can penetrate
but none
can
escape

You run
It chases

I am lost
swallowed by sorrow
in an ocean of people
I can't see my 'tomorrow'
the crowd engulfs me
yet I am alone
I search the streets
but I can't find home
there are no familiar faces
no feelings, just thoughts, all around me
no friends
no family
I travelled on the train called life away from home
a big mistake
mistakes are made
little did I know that the world is full of hate
because I am alone
No one will help me
I am alone
I am lost

you may feel shame rising in you
i understand
i have felt it many times as well

but you need to know
you can change
do not let one mistake get the better of you

you can turn yourself around
it seems impossible to even try
but i believe in you

if i can try,
so can you

i should be paying attention

but everything seems so dull

Loneliness is a
Yoke we carry even when
We are surrounded

I wonder who it must be between
Two lovers?
Surely some kind of King and Queen
A forbidden love perhaps?
I wonder what worlds they must come from
Different galaxies?
I wonder what was the outcome
Maybe a The-Spider-and-the-Butterfly type thing?
I wonder if I could find a love like theirs
A love, never-ending?
One without tears
Have I heard of one before?
Yes! I have heard
Of the Greatest of All Romance
A love most absurd
Between me and my king

Injustice
Prejudice
F---
I hate this

Annoyance
Arrogance
F---
I hate this

Royalty
Poverty
F---
I hate this

Celebrity
Nobody
F---
I hate this

Crying
Hurting
F---
I want it to end

The girl looked out the window and watched the world go by.
The train kept laboring as she watched the world go by.
~~chug chug chug chug chug chug~~
She lifted her hand to the window.
She felt the cool surface and spread her hand on it.
She closed her eyes and remembered…

Once upon a time…
Not long ago,
She had been innocent, without a care in the world.
Little did that little one know
What would unfold

She came back with a gasp as a tear slid down her cheek.
She felt the vibration as the train toiled on.
~~chug chug chug chug chug chug~~
She wiped her cheek with her fingertips and looked at her lap.
She grasped the hem of her dress to keep from shaking
As her gaze wandered to her shoes and she remembered.

Once upon a time…
Not long ago,
She had been in a shop, the best shoe store in town
Hand in hand with her mother and father
Skipping along, innocently

When the memory ended
She quickly looked up and watched a man reading the paper
~~chug chug flip chug chug sip~~
She watched with youthful curiosity and forgot her worries.
Though she knew, when the spell wore off, they would come back.
“Back” she thought as she remembered.

Once upon a time…
Not that long ago
She had been walking, walking through the snow
With her mother and father in boxes above her head
Lumbering along, numb to the world

This time she laid her head on the window watching the world go by.
She opened her teary eyes and looked at the sky
~~chug (sigh) flip chug (sky) sip~~
She looked at the ceiling of the train car and tried counting sheep
Anything to sleep
Anything to forget

the vultures are circling
the vultures are searching
the vultures are waiting
for me to mess up
the vultures are hungry
they want a taste of the skin
around my fragile bones
but i,
i hold a torch
a warning sign
DONT COME NEAR ME
ive had enough
(please leave me alone)
(im so tired)
put up these walls
so i can forget
but it leaves US
with the task
of making holes to communicate
while trying to keep
the walls glued together

i want to stay close (theres a college 30 minutes from home)
i don't wanna be too close (i can live on campus)
i don't wanna be stuck where i've always been (i can travel if i want)
what if i become an outsider in my old life? (maintain your friendships, and create new ones)

I’m gonna tell you a story… not

Long ago a girl met a boy, but he was no
Ordinary boy, he was Godly, gentlemanly,
Very kind, funny, handsome… everything she
Ever dreamed of, and more. and he loved her!

Yet even though he proved to her time and again
Our girl couldn’t believe it… she was terrified,
Understandably so, for love is terrifying, but

Time went on… she knew him more and she
Realized she wanted him to know
Everything about her, and she wanted the same
Letting him in was scary at times, but
Little by little, she fell further and further
In love… but this story isn’t over, it’s the start of
Something much bigger

hatred and anger are only
the absence of love
and can be diminished by
the abundance of love

Happiness is a feeling
Way down deep inside
It can be hard to get
And it's very hard to hide

For some it's hard to grasp
And when asked “Do you have it?” they lie
Some lie to much and get all sick inside
Some may even want to die

Enough of the sad
There is so much good
Would you give it out
If you could?

The world is full of people
Some who won’t share
The world is also full of people
Who care

Gooey remains
Of a genius’ brains
Rot inside my head
All is not lost, it is gained

Let it fester and ferment
Filling up my vision
with vibrant, vivacious victory
I finally feel free

You wave and smile
So excited for summer with all your friends

I will wave back
Unready for a summer filled with memories

You walk away
Excited for the new school next year and the people you will meet

I stand, watching
Unready for the new school year of learning alone

You're going to a big school where you will be a nobody
And you are ready

I'm going home to be a nobody in a big world
I'm not ready

Red for the blood of your father and mother
Orange for the warmth of love
Yellow for the stars that shine for you
Green for your growth
Blue for the tears of joy and sadness
Purple for the riches of wisdom
Pink for the peacefulness of age
Black for the life beyond

loneliness isnt necessarily
when youre alone.
loneliness is the feeling
that you shouldn't be
even if you are surrounded by people

people are happy alone
until they come to learn
that they are, to society,
lonely

the first loneliness is when
you have never not been alone
when you want to be with someone
but you don't know how to get to that point

the loneliness after
is when you have been with someone,
but they left, you left,
or it just didn't work out

people talk about finding love at first sight
but how would you know unless you were looking?

i am finding love at first loneliness.

i look at a stranger
and i envision our lives together
our children
our pets
our house
our LIVES
but then they walk away (literally)

and i am left
with half a dream
that they never knew about

I think she feels stuck

"im a ****** old woman living in a crazy house"

i don't think shes happy

which *****

but what can i do?

Crazy, yet relatable...
does anyone else remember the times
that they've pasted a smile on their face?
Hid their pain so well that
the superficial smile was all others saw?
Purple fur to cover a withering heart
Hope was all but lost
Yet you kept on smiling?
You don't want to let others down
So you drown yourself in fake happiness
Your cheeks hurt from the strain
And you're just hoping that you can fake it until its real
You don't share your hurt with others so
you won't bring them down with you
And all the while you are slowly
disappearing until there is nothing left.

<                             Friend                             (i)
———————————————————-
                                        ­                        (Hey)>
<(Hey, hows it going?)
                                             (Pretty good, I’ve)
                                             (been writing a   )
                                             (lot of poetry...  )>
<(. . .)

Winds whistle
Trees sway
Screams ripple
Run away

In my mind
I lose it
Don’t you dare try
To soothe this

I like to escape
I like to think
I can feel your hate
Swim, before you sink

My mind is a tornado
Breaking this countryside
Run like a torpedo
You should probably hide

Something about you was different
You said thank you, like everyone else
But our hands brushed and I got this feeling
You were truly thankful

You took the water and chocolate bar
And drank the water first off
You were actually thirsty
You took it in like it was life

'how does he have any self confidence?'
no one knows

grandma picks on him
auntie undermines him

cousin doesn't listen to him
he has no power

'how does he have any self confidence?'
no one knows

but he holds the door open with a smile
tells a joke to brighten someone's day

i don't know how he has the energy to be that sort of light
when his days are mostly dark as night

'how does he have any self confidence?'
no one knows

he's quiet and unassuming
until he tells a joke, and his laughter rings out, loud and booming

he talks when someone listens
because that's all he wants... someone to care

the flower in the
field was swaying in gentle wind
a patient flower

Flower was taken
placed into a vase to be
admired by passers

Flower dies slowly
yet willing to wilt for us
yearning for our love

she is beautiful
and she dies beautifully
and gives joy to me

make the night last with dancing
because we grew young here

do you ever regret doing something you've always wanted to do?

i made a friend
in an online chat room
too bad i'll never talk to him again

he said he liked the way
i worded things
he said the way i said 'EPIC'
was adorable... it made me blush...
i don't know why

i laughed at his jokes
as we spoke about ghosts
and the rolling hills of england

the thunder is
here and i crouch
under the
noise. i
didn't understand how anyone could
ever feel so powerless. i
really didnt understand how
someone could
take cover
or crouch so lowly in such
real fear until i
met the thunderstorm, and then i understood

Ive never really appreciated everything hands can do.
Ive always known hands are useful. I know they bring things close and throw things away. I know they clasp onto something and hold on to it.

But I’ve never fully appreciated their beauty.
Slender, quick-moving fingers
Nails delicately placed on their ends
Wide, soft palms, and the lines across them
Callouses from hard work

Your hands are golden brown
I love them

Your fingers trace my skin
Your palms are so soft and warm on my shoulders

I love to watch your hands
The way you place your hands on the steering wheel
The way you dribble a basketball
The way your hands fit into mine (even though they're so much bigger)

do you ever get the feeling that you arent doing enough?
that you aren't being enough?
that you aren't, yourself, enough?

i know i'm doing a lot, got a lot on my plate
but i know other people
who always seem better

i want to do more, be more - but i don't know how
i'm not the smartest, most practical, most creative
i have no idea what i'm doing

all i have is dreams less grandiose than theirs
and contentment waging war with wanting more
and all i want is to feel enough

not to be jealous of what they have
but to be okay with what i've got
and to feel enough

You,
Pronoun that is used to point out or address another being

Broke,
Past tense verb that means something is somehow changed, usually for the worse

My,
Possessive pronoun that means something belongs to me in some way

Trust,
Noun which describes the building block for all relationships

-I-

I’ve always wanted to feel safe
I’ve always wanted a knight in shining armor
You have no armor, but you shine to me
You haven’t been knighted, but that’s okay
You’re everything a knight is without the title
You’re generous, chivalrous, humble, honorable, faithful, courageous, and strong
And even then you’re more,
You’re mine

———————

-II-

You need no earthly armor
You don’t need a title
You don’t have to go slay dragons
Or leave for epic adventures
You do something even better
You stay
You’re here for me
You listen to me talk about my day
Or when I go on a random 11 o’clock ramble

I want to be the maiden you rescue
Every day for as long as you’ll rescue me
Rescue me from my troubles
Sweep me off my feet and take me away
To faraway places
where there is abundant peace, love, and joy
Take me to where you are
I ask for nothing more
I only ask for you

I don’t know you.
I know how we’re related,
But I didn’t know you existed until you died.
That sounds sad, and it is.
I’ve heard that you impacted many people,
But isn’t that what they always say at funerals?

You had an open casket.
There was a picture to compare.
In the picture you were full of life.
Sun kissed and full bodied.
In the casket you looked empty.
Pale and still.
I didn’t look long.
You looked so cold.
Your eyes were closed in the final sleep.
Your skin was so pale it almost matched the silk sheets.

I walked by.
I looked around.
I noticed how full of life everyone was.
Then I thought of you.
You’re in heaven now, full of life again.
But your body is here and it is empty.

You left her behind.
I know you didn’t want to.
She was so quiet.
She didn’t speak or cry.
She just sat beside your fiancé.
He cried, but your daughter was still as stone.
She looked pale, but not as pale as you.
I wanted to look at her and reassure her.
But how do you tell a 12 year old girl it will be okay?
When her mother is gone for good,
And she will never get another hug,
Another kiss,
Another touch,
From you.

I’m glad you’re with God.
It’s just hard to see those you loved suffer.
I have a hard time when I think about my loved ones dying.
I don’t know if I’ll be able to handle it.
I think I’d die of heartbreak.
I’m honestly blown away,
By how strong your daughter is.
She stood there and took everything.
Every look at your casket like a punch in the gut.
Every condolence and hug like kicks to the back.
Every moment of that day like a hopeless trek through the desert night.

Everyone talks about how
Hell will be a pit of fire
I think the opposite
For fire is warmth and light

Hell will be cold
Cold on this earth is only
The abscence of heat
Hell will be truly cold

Nothing to warm you
Nothing to give you light
You’ll be frozen in terror
Unable to take flight

Stuck in the moment where you realize
There is no hope here
And you can’t close your eyes
To make it disappear

I thought I was drowning in your love
but it turns out
I was drowning in our fears
our fears of not being accepted
we tried to accept each other
we were clinging to each other like the other was our lifeboat
but neither of us were kicking to keep us afloat

I cause

Eyes to turn to glass
Lungs to be unable to contract

Hearts to cease to beat
Bodies to be unable to hold heat

Muscles to relax
Faces to sag

Hands to become useless
Legs to become motionless

What/Who am I?

Atoms
Make up cells
Cells
Make up me

I stand next to the ocean
Trillions upon trillions of atoms
Make up the water
And the things in it

----

People are so small
Minuscule figures line the shoreline
Yet people take up so much space

Millions of hopes and dreams
prayers and questions
Each person is full of these things

Each person has a name,
goals, flaws, joys, and sorrows
Each one living in the moment

I see two people walking down the beach
Hand in hand
I wonder what they’re thinking

‘She’s so beautiful’
‘His smile lights up my world’
Completely unaware of the power they hold

They both hold life,
which means they have choices
They CHOOSE to walk by the ocean

They CHOOSE to be with each other
The ocean chooses nothing
It obeys the moon and tides with total and utter compliance

I see a family
Mother and father watching their children
Skin and bones as active children are, yet so full of life

So full of the ability to CHOOSE
They choose to romp in the ocean without a care in the world
While their parents CHOOSE to love them

I choose to people watch
To watch them interact with the waves and sand
To watch these minuscule, yet amazing beings

The builder is building a house
Brick by beautiful brick
It seems an unusual house
Everyone agrees

But he loves his house

His ideas are big
His ambitions bigger
But they start with a little house
That he’s designed

For his love

He dreams of his wife
Who will nurture
She who cleans the house
And grows the garden and flowers

While he works on the roof

He longs for the days
they’ll spend laughing together
in their chairs
on the porch that he has built

Drinking lemonade that she has made

He spends his days building
The foundations of this dwelling
With his head full of dreams
His heart full of love

And she watches him built their home

if sadness was a color . . .
if despair was a shape . . .
what a
            marvel
                        loss
universe it would create!

i dont wanna lay in bed
but i cant seem to move my limbs

i feel bloated
i feel selfish

i just wanna lay here
maybe watch some tv

numbly watch the gorgeous
actresses and actors work

im just so tired
but i cant sleep

i wanna be free
but i dont know how anymore

Loneliness when you’re surrounded by people
But nobody understands you would be worse
Then if you were the only person left on earth

One day I’m gonna live by myself
In a cabin on a mountain
I’ll be the loneliest f**ker you ever did see
And I’ll dance with ghosts