you said:
"pull my hair",
and so i did.

dragging the albatross across
pavement stretching several states
i turn my back to where i'm going
for a fishermanwomxnbeing
to spear me in the back and
hang me as one of their own
in case your feathers get bent
and crows tear at your meat
until i'm wearing nothing but a
skeleton at my ankles
but even then i doubt any killer
will pry my mouth open the way
you did when you wanted me to
feed and even then i doubt
they would look at me with
the affectionate fear you had
of never having the sight of
two glass worlds you thought of
as yours again and even then i doubt
anyone would be able to **** me
because i'd be dead already
if i was completely without you
and no evasive species
has the strength or the claws
to drag you sea from sea
and open their wings wide enough
to envelop you with the warmth
of the beating heart you've called
your pillow for as long as
you have been sleeping well
and asking me to pull your hair
and so i have but i am tired
of begging for my own ******
as i drag you around because

you aren't my albatross.

you're the one i love
and i'll carry you as such.

saying "I love you I love my baby
I love my baby so yes yes oh yes
you can fall asleep in my arms
forever you will always be safe
you will always be loved"
whenever I'm carrying you

until we can
fly together forever.

People don't change;
I'll still have Bukowski quotes
written on my ribcage
in Sharpie.

Chlorine will go straight into
my nose whenever someone
mentions drowning,
or hating life in general.

Jokes about surf punk and Arizona tea,
everything I've done in the past year
has grown stale. I use the same
three words to describe my feelings.

Things don't change;
my apologies are still faux.
I never felt grief about that death,
or all those car accidents and overdoses.

Radio pop songs derive catharsis,
but I use one pretentious band or two
to combat that. It does nothing,
I am nothing,
or something like that.

Everything won't change;
except for feelings, emotions,
point of views, personal contacts,
and my habit of texting back.

I'll say a bunch of Beatnik quotes
and freak out over small things,
the latest post punk song will be
spray painted in the school's parking lot.

I'll still hate the smell of Chlorine,
but love the thought of memories.
Love the thought of moving on

and the idea of things ending
for a good reason.

I thought I saw Ursa Minor in Lampe Park last night,
but the trees blurred my vision to the point
where I couldn't tell whether it was a constellation
or a phallus ******* on a posy of roses.

Stars don't make sense.
If amateur philosophy has taught me anything,
it's that they can't be social constructs
or a figment of your imagination
because they exist.

They're dead,
but they exist.

and they'll be here
until all my jokes about cancer
or death in general
catches up to me.

do you feel like a boy, boy?
or just like a bad person?

you like it when your bangs
touch your greasy blackheads,
when girls squeeze your earlobes
while you kiss on the staircase,
and the way your calves
look like mayonnaise covered gerbils
every time you flex in the mirror
or cross your legs in the coffee shop.

you don't like playing foosball
and going through all the scenarios
on how people question your being.
                 metro?
           "we don't have those in Nevada"
            

you label yourself as a straight white boy,
because you can't call yourself a feminist.
you want to be a feminist,
but you're a wannabe feminist
according to the ones
you let down and continue to
because you're not quite a man,
yet you aren't female.

what are you, exactly?
according to the history books
we only know what masculinity is,
femininity a vague genre tag of
every other piece of music made
when villages aren't burned
and the ****** has to wait
another day before becoming
a prize in Heaven.

do you feel like a man, boy?
or nothing at all? cause
you can't feel like a bad person
       when you don't feel human.

“i’m done with furries”


i.
i can’t dream your dreams,
but you’ve told me about them.

you wear an owl mask
shaped by fists and transgression;
a laceration splits your side
from a skin split
to your rib splits.

your love,
Bill Clinton or Donkey Kong
(whoever populates your thoughts),
crack your bare skin
until makeup
leaks out of your pores.

you dream of emulating art;
O hanging from a ceiling claw,
clicking heels against drywall
until leg muscles give up
and her diaphragm accordions close.

but who is your sculptor?
who is your artist?

ii.
alas, i am only
a paper mache bird.

i flinch when it rains,
i flinch when i move;
my paper skin
could cave in
from lip crack to *** crack.

(i hate
Inside Out.
but, i’ve only watched it once,
and i’ve been told
my eyes would adjust
on the second viewing.)

i dream of emulating art;
Marat in an ice bath,
tragedy and love and death
captured
without conflict.

but who is my muse?
who won’t break my bones?


iii.
you don’t know my dreams either,
but we could dream together.

two reveries in polyphony
of an owl and bird *******,
making love
before they
make art.

our love
is ******* weird;
a childhood seesaw
we’re trying to
find the perfect balance
to with our weight.

we dream different things;
**** fantasies and intimate kissing,
but that doesn’t matter.
at this point in two years,
we can see through each other.

i can’t make art without you.

you aren’t done with furries.