Time is a delicate advocate for pain
We say that it heals all wounds
We say that it opens doors
And we say that it closes them
Time is my only medicine
for a disease like this
I am cutting you off
Like scissors cute paper in
the old childhood game
I am leaving you here
before this burden gets too heavy
Already I find myself stopping
because of the overwhelming weight
My shoulders are abandoning their supporting bones
The blood is draining from my face
I find I do not blush in the name of you
as much as I used to
Time may bring these habits home again
but as of right now
time has delivered nothing
But time
is all I have

Our love is
so sweet and secret
Kept locked up behind bedroom doors
and the doors of your beat up truck
Our love is
clever woven words
trying to out-do each other
Our love is
our faces getting too close,
eye contact that last too long
Silly things that didn't exist before we created them
Our love is
the moment between breaths
the spark of a lighter
the hidden smiles
the looking
the looking away
Our love is
borderline insanity
Our love is
like nothing other
because this love
is titled

"Just Friends"

I see you look at her
and it is not hard to tell
just by the expression on your face
that you still love her
I recognize this look
because it is how
I look at you

I loved you like a child loves Christmas
Craving the attention
Looking forward to the unknown prizes
Hoping to get exactly what they wished for
The not knowing
Is the best part
I loved you like a bee loves honey
Working hard to get the best
To bring the best home
Looking through each part of you
Discovering new sweetness
I loved you like a little girl loves makeup
Discovering new colors
Painting the beautiful on
Experimenting with the shades of your eyes
I loved you like you were the only thing beautiful in the world
I treasured your company
I took pictures because there were pieces of you
I never wanted to forget about
I looked at you longer than friends should
I stared with a compassion that storytellers use
Passing down their generation with metaphors
I loved you with my whole self
and I remain whole in your arms
Do not break me

I am falling in love with you
very quickly
and at this rate
I know I will probably hit the ground
faster than you can put your arms out
to catch me

I do not know if I can bear to hear you say
That you do not love me
the weight of each word alone
would crack my bones in half
In a new way I am not sure I understand
Each time you speak
there is a text underneath your words that scream
I do not love you like that
and a hole in my chest forms each time
Each time we embrace
It feels as if you are trying to erase a mistake on my back
All the things I needed for you to say
were never said
and I am not sure if they ever will be

We are only friends and nothing more
No matter how many times you come over
or how many inside jokes we keep
No matter how many times I eagerly want to kiss you,
I never will
We are only friends and nothing more
The space between my shoulder and yours is six inches of fatal territory
Every effort I put in is just another grain of sand on your beach
We are only friends and nothing more
Your smile is one of many
and mine is a mere star among her being your sun
I will never hold the place in your heart that she does
but I should not be bothered by that because
We are only friends and nothing more
So when you call and I pick up,
greeting you like I always do
Do not crack a joke
or ask me how my day was
Do not be so nice that I forget
we
are merely friends
and nothing more than that

I crave the attention of a lover
Someone who will cherish my existence
Someone who will notice when I haven't replied
Someone who will miss me after I've just left
I crave the attention of a lover
who looks at me like the prized piece at a museum,
one that is guarded off
I crave the attention of a lover
who will break boundaries just to get to me
Someone who will burn holes in my skin with his fingers
Someone who will set off dynamite with his kiss
Someone who will love me to the very depths of the sea to the point where fish do not even dare to swim because of the surface pressure
I crave the attention of a lover
A lover who looks a lot like you

Loving you is so sweet
like the delight in finding something you lost
after you've looked forever
and become accustomed to the fact
that is was forever gone
Loving you is so sweet
if I could blush any harder
the blood would spur from my cheeks
How you make me feel
makes my heart flutter with wings
that never go the speed limit
You are the compelling reason
I seem to always crave a little risk
because why live life in the middle
when there's an edge
Loving you is so sweet
but the process is slow
like learning to play an instrument
knowing that through it all
every endeavor, every new discovery
we are making something beautiful
Loving you is so sweet
You seem to somehow occupy
every empty room in my mind
Every vacant space is filled with the memory of you
Your smile is tattooed on my brain
Loving you is so sweet.
So when I arrive at your house tonight
and you try to pick out the perfect shirt and tie
Just know that I am not worried about what you will wear
or how much the food is going to cost
or if my make up smears and my hair frizzes
Loving you is so sweet
That it is understood that
all other things
sand behind that sweetness

This love is reckless
This love is closed doors that
only open for oxygen
This love is driving without headlights
This is I feel like I'm crazy kind of love
This is I never want to be away kind of love
This is I stay up late kind of love
You have a kiss like a forest fire
You once called me a match
I am no longer afraid of the dark
because you taught me that
darkness only covers up the wrong
It is a security blanket for our past mistakes
For our past lovers
We no longer listen to the voices that bring us down
because this love is our latter to the top
This love is reckless
and I would rather live a life
without seat belts
if you're the one driving

You meant so much to me
I carried your spirit in my smile
I wanted to talk to you at all hours of the day
I looked at you like a flower in a vase
So carefully placed but I somehow misinterpreted
that you were put in a vase
because you had thorns behind that beautifully carved glass
You are unappreciative
You are selfish
I am only a mere grain of sand in your hour glass
This kind of love takes a lot more work than I had planned
I did everything to surprise you,
to make you happy when you were sad,
to calm you down when you were stressed out
I gave you pieces of me that I now realized I needed
I want those hours back
I feel like I wasted so much time
trying to be the one you wanted
But you are as hollow as the empty beer
bottles that litter the side of the highway
You care so little about being next to me
that even when you are
the wind resistance alone would rip you out of my arms
And now as I sit here
pondering every thought I've ever kept about you
and simply wondering if I ever really had a place
if I ever really matter to someone as egotistical as you

I can not decide if I regret you or not
You have taught me what it feels like to really laugh
and to really cry
You have taught me to question people who doubt me but also to question myself
I can not decide if I regret you or not
Because you are so sweet but you've given me cavities
but I consider if maybe it is better to have sweetness that went bad rather than no sweetness at all
I can not decide if I regret you or not
but when I see her name on your phone
next to mine
I wonder which one you regret
out of the two

I am here today
I am alive and breathing
a man somewhere in a hospital bed has a machine
breathing for him
I am here today
with clothes on my back
while a child is using news papers as blankets
I am here today with the ability to eat and drink at my leisure
while a child in west africa tries to remember what it feels like
to have food touch their taste buds
what clean water might taste like
I am here today
with education
while a teenager is sent to war reluctantly
because education came after victory
I am here today
and I could die any second
and so could all of us
So I urge that you do not take your life for granted
If you are sad and lonely
and feel as if no one cares for you at all, I do
If you are angry and mislead by everything
it's going to be alright
If you love someone, tell them
If you have negative people in your life
get rid of them, today
I am here today
and I am only promised that much
for tomorrow is only hours away
but I do not know
if I will get there or not

Falling in love with you is so easy
I could do it in my sleep,
dreaming of different ways to hold your hand
imagining kisses sweeter than chocolate
Falling in love with you is so easy
I could do it backwards
I wouldn't need rear-view mirrors
it wouldn't matter what was is my blind spot
it would't matter if I hit anything
because this love is reckless
Falling in love with you is so easy
I do not even realize I am doing it
like going up an elevator,
pressing buttons and feeling the slight change in elevation
but never realizing how far you've come
until your look out the window
Falling in love with you is so easy
I feel as if it is the only thing
I have truly ever done completely correctly
and in the wrongest manner
You make my love grow like an infinite river
a never ending push and flow
of repetitive jokes and wanting to kiss you
but also knowing to hold back
because your lips would crack my sweet tooth in half
your taste would leave me breathless
I can not stop falling in love with you
no matter how hard my endeavors are
You make it so easy to fall in love with you
and I hope it is just as easy for you
to fall in love with someone like me

I love the feeling of anticipation
how being unsure is such a crutch
but it's a rush that kisses the inside of my veins
I look at you and I see sweet, innocence
that is merely hiding behind a smile
so bright it could give a blind man sight
I have gained feelings and as much as I hate to say it
I like being curious about the fact
that maybe you have too

I think we all imagine our lives
to look just like the pictures
we painted in our minds as children
because at that point we have not yet come
to the realization that life is a roll of the dice
you can not choose
you can only guess

You
the sweet idea of a cliche boy, also known as gentleman
sitting next to me trying to focus on the road
and you are so beautiful
Me
the careful soul, also known as broken
sitting next to you trying not to be too obvious
and I am so scared
We
are the last kind of love story you'd imagine
and the only kind we like
and it is only the beginning
Us
the kind of people to pretend we don't love each other
for the sake of other people
I
hope that you feel the same
and I write as though I already know you do
You
are someone I can never figure out
puzzle pieces shaped like rocks
I can not see where each piece carves into the next
but I can see you a year from now
looking at me like you are right this second
and smiling like you always do
but we wont be just friends
We
will love like the wind loves the open valleys
love like the trees love the soil
love like the homeless love nickels
I
will love you
and
You
will hopefully love me back
So
We
will wait only until time reminds us
that today is the day
We
love

Traffic lights change colors
but only range to three
The sky changes colors
and we can not count
the vast majority of colors that it paints
I think love is more like the sky
We start off in our life
and we see love looking either
lame, painful, or beautiful
Red, Yellow, Green
Three colors
But as we grow and fall into it, we walk out
looking like a sidewalk rainbow
Nothing can wipe off this kinda love
Nothing can die you back to your original color kinda love
This love is one you will discover
if you have not stumbled upon it yet
and it will be lame and painful and beautiful
and it will also be scary and confusing
and it will be overwhelming and sweet
and it will make you feel alive
And one day you will find yourself at a red light
wondering how you ever could have been
a blank canvas

I don't mean to care
but I don't want to not
and my indecisiveness
is the alter ego
that is going to end up
ruining me

I am fascinated by candles
I am enticed by how such a small flame
can bring so much light to a room
My father used to always tell me
that no matter how the small the light may be
it is still stronger than the darkness
This is how I want my life to be
A candle can light a small closet
but can also bring enough light to
so much light a whole room

I hate the idea of death
That someone is here for one moment
with no idea
with no suspicion
Just living like they always have
And then their gone
with every dream
with every goal
All of it goes with them

in still moments our souls
entrust us with thoughts
that open up a gate
meant to be kept hidden
until our bones are strong enough to carry the weight
that old lovers refused to take with them
like the disappearance of a father
leaving a little girl in constant wonder
in still moments we climb trees
and look out at the view that the veil has kept hidden from us
but they apologize with fragments of sunsets
in still moments we remember
we recall the laughter
we reread old stories
we try to make it seem as if it is all still so happy
in still moments
just before the noise and the motions return
just before reality walks back in
we pause
because sometimes in still moments
there is an unconstrained fear
and then
you wake up

your embrace was so shelter-like that I felt
that if I were to fall, trip, stumble
I would remain in your arms
little did I know it was only the sweet beginning
of a lifetime of plunder
I'm sorry I trusted my body
inside of your hands
and let the bruises I've kept
tell the story of
a girl who was once innocent and unfamiliar with love
but is now picking up her mess
because she couldn't hold herself up

In life, we often decide things for ourselves
things that were never meant
for us to handle, something we can not reach
We make decisions based on what we think is best now
but in the long run
you have laid down glass for yourself
and your bare feet

when a boy tells you he loves you
do not panic
every nerve in your body will tremble like a sinner on judgement day
not sure of where this is going
not sure if it is real
when a boy tells you he loves you
do not curve you lips into half of the crescent moon that lit up your dark nights, he does not deserve that yet
when a boy tells you he loves you** over the phone
because he can not muster up the courage to spill the blood looking into your eyes do not believe him
a phone call is almost promising but not quite
when a boy tells you he loves you
you will want to say it back
and sitting in your car the words will fall out of your mouth
and into your lap like spilled white wine
when a boy tells you he loves you
do not panic
remember that he is only a boy
a silly, heart-scrabbled, inconsistent boy

every person has their flaws
and with those we fall in love
theirs seem to disappear along with
the past times
and every wrong thing
diminishes, but
today I discovered that just because
I could not see your fault
**does not mean it is not there

we can not love out loud
because hidden love is too much fun
and letting the light touch it
would be such a waste
of laughter and secrets

falling in love with your best friend
is one of the scariest, yet most lovely experiences
to be forever intertwined with the one who knows
everything about you
like mentos and diet coke
so exciting yet makes such a mess
and neither of us want to pick it up because we're too busy laughing
love is dangerous but with you
i love a little risk

There are so many things that I could apologize for
but today I finally realized
I have been apologizing for far too many things
that were not my fault
but yours

Some telephone calls are never answered leaving people on the edge of a thought that was urgent to be said at the time but a voice mail never means as much as live audio
Your name is only an old recording that I refuse to delete
and it is no longer a valid word in my vocabulary
I refuse to let you go and I'm still not sure why I love you
but even as a light bulb runs out of wattage
my love for you will run out
So when your name becomes one of many others
and I no longer stop to stare
I will call you
and I hope it goes to voice mail
So that you too will have a useless recording of me
that you refuse to delete

There is something significant about the way that some stars run and others sit still
There is something significant about the way that the sun has a schedule and the moon has different shades of beautiful
There is something significant about the way his eyes spark when he looks in her direction
She isn't sure if he loves her or another one but she pretends that she is his only so she can sleep at night
It's more significant how she refuses to believe that he really loves her
She let's the hope carry on inside of her mind like a dream that never actually happened
It was so much easier to wish than to actually pursue
So she sat back and waited for something significant enough
To make her go on her own strength

It's so easy to write about pain
but why write about a dark room
when you have a candle and a match

It's hard to make due with nothing
I love you and I hope to God
everyday
that you still love me
if you ever did
and here I am trying to make our love reignite itself with nothing to start off with in the first place

I try to write about you all of the time
I try my best to decipher each feeling
to recover the memories and reignite dead flames
I try to make it all better again my spilling
the colors of my mind on paper
but each time I try
my hand cramps
my mind hits a wall
I am blocked
and to this day I am not sure what stops me
but I promise myself and you
that I will write about you one day
and every locked up emotion
will explode
I will use 26 letters
to express millions of memories
and thousands of thoughts
I promise I will write about you
and I hope you'll read it

The blank canvas that we once started off with is not only bursting with color but tearing at it's seems
We have broken past brushes and finger painting, the world has shifted from slow to lethal energy
I can not seem to focus on exactly you for too long because my mind begins to cloud and images of you come in glitches
I am not sure if my mind is an old DVD player or if I refuse to stop blinking long enough to make out the proportion of your face
How when you smile your cheeks reach up ward
You eyes squint just slightly
Enough to where you could tell you're laughing but wide enough to see their color
We are not common
My love for you is nothing ordinary
This is something so deep that not even you could scratch the surface
Of how much my mind
has fooled me into believing that maybe you love me
Just as much as I love you

Stay right where you are
Don't move at all
Because where you are standing
You have never looked more beautiful
And although you do not see me
I love you
And I will love you from the corner of your eye forever
If that is what it takes
To keep ths love alive
In atleast one of us

Loving you is spilled wine on white carpet, permanent, staining
a constant reminder of wasted sweetness and regret,
if only I had been paying a little more attention
Loving you is texting and driving, taking the risk of calamity to direct my eyes toward a little light
Loving you is loving poison that taste like sweet tarts
Addicting, my favorite, but dangerous, only seeking my annihilation
I've given myself scars by ripping the last pieces of you from my veins
I've been wanting to write to you and to explain
in some sort of logical way why I still love you
I'm sorry I have taken so long, I just couldn't really find the right words, still I am using the wrong ones
And I am sorry for that as well
My heart is still handcuffed to yours
But your love is too deep to let go of
It's the absolute surface that no living thing can touch
It's impossible to avoid
Seemingly ridiculous to want to push away from
Please don't let me slip away
Loving you is like holding onto a flame
Something not meant to be touched
Harming anything it's way
Yet so beautiful that you can't help but reach out to it
You are my flame
And I will reach to you
And you will never fail to burn me
**Every time

She is everything you'd ever want
And I am nothing of that
And even though every time I look
in the direction of both of you
I crack like an old sidewalk
dark and tough yet fragile
I shatter like a mirror that has had enough
Even though it bruises everything in me
I will still say that I am happy for you
And I am
You deserve to be happy
Even if it does not include  me
And I am willing to smile in the name of you and her
Simply because you deserve to be happy
And you are
**And that is all I want for you

You are graceful and beautiful and tender and hopeful and I am so in love with you and all that you are but I can not stand it any longer because you are not at all in love with me

Sometime in life, most of you will come to a point
where the one whom you love
has taken away too many pieces of you
and has not returned enough
and you will feel vacant and hungry for any kind of love
from them
but they are not interested in giving any away
not to you
and you will just have to deal with it
but for those who never encounter this tribulation
do not take love for granted
love it like it loves you
and make the most of every waking second
because not everyone
is as fortunate as you

everytime you are around
my speech tends to slow
my eyes open a little wider
my mind takes a train ride
through a forest of immeasurable
possibilities
on how I could get you to realize
that I am still in love with you
and how I could make you
love me
like you once did

Seconds with those you love
are fragments of moments
you will always cherish
no matter the topic of discussion
no matter the setting
when you are with those that you love
it's all sweet

I carry the weight of your smile
like it is someone else's baggage that I am planning to steal
Something so desirable that I can not obtain on my own
I look in the direction you are in and I am being told
by the voice in the back of my mind
(that most of the time knows what it's talking about)
and it tells me not to stare
but how can I not
when something as beautiful as you
is in my sight of vision

I would never think of writing about
how I'd rather listen to you talk about what you thought
love was
in place of making dinner
I have found myself shrinking
from lack of sufficient vitamins
and I would never think of writing about how your lips curve so splendidly when you smile
how your teeth carry a night light that brightens even the deepest darkness
I would never think of writing about how your eyes are deeper than the pacific
deeper than any ocean
ever to have existed
the blue is blinding
your eyes carry a delicious color
that reminds me of an old swing set I used to have
and I would never think of writing about love
love is something so dear and fragile
that my words do not have the capacity
to begin to attempt to explain it
love is sweet and gentle
love is not what you would expect but when you meet love,
love is not disappointing
I would never think of writing about love simply because
all I would be able to write about
is you

some say that it's a physiological fact
that when someone appears
in your dreams
it means that they're missing you
so, I've come to the sad conclusion
that I am probably found in your dreams quite often
yet you never appear in mine
and that is why I hate science
just as much as I hate love

I look out and see a crescendo of light emerging from behind trees
I try not to stare because I know my eyes are sensitive to this bright light
but I can not help but stare at such a beautiful illustration
and this is the closest comparison I can come up with
to how I feel when I see you

There are things I try to avoid
many things in fact
I try to avoid the creepy guy staring at me on the bus
I try to avoid my teachers outside of school
I try to avoid gum on the sidewalk
I try to avoid you sometimes
Sometimes to protect myself
Other times simply to do it
There are things I try to avoid
one of them is you
and I am sorry you have fallen into that category
but I am not sorry for the reason why

It is hard to forgive sometimes
and I now understand that statement
to it's full potential because of you
and I know that
one day I will forgive you
I do not know when that day will be
but I promise, one day
I will forgive you
for it **all

You are a forward notion of competition and utter desire of love
You have a smile that could stop a truck, eyes that out-blue the ocean
You are eager and dedicated to all that you do
You are kind, understanding, hopeful
You make me believe in myself
and give me the confidence I always hoped to someday acquire
You are an undermined base of love that is slowly being restored
You are the abandoned house in the lost most beautiful area
You did not even notice the vacancy
You are the match that lights my fire
You are a garden filled with venomous flowers
So beautiful and so dangerous
But I have always liked a little risk
and maybe that's why I will never give you up