you let me in at 3am that night
i latched onto your mind
and you tried to smooth my edges
maybe we like to pretend it isn't real
nothing is real in the darkness
we fall asleep
and wake up in the morning
with only a terrifying memory
i wonder if you regret it
but i look forward to midnight
it's the time you're alive
i'm not afraid
until i remember it won't be the same when we wake up
this is the secret we keep
i want to tell everyone about you
but you tell me
"we only exist after midnight"

You're right.
The world's not black anymore.
But it's still looking grey.

Okay.
It isn't night anymore.
But it surely isn't day.

The world isn't upside down anymore.
But I'm still not looking straight.

The door isn't locked up tight anymore.
But it's still a locked up gate.

I might not be standing still anymore,
But I'm still not ready to run.

My finger isn't on the trigger anymore.
But I haven't put down my gun.

You may not see me cry anymore.
But you still don't see me grin.

No, I'm not shutting you out anymore.
But I'm still not letting you in.

I'm shaking hands with the darkness.
And I'm shaking hands with the light.

But I can't let go of either,
Or they'll see each other and fight.

Don't assume that
Because I don't sink anymore,
That I must be flying.

Just because I'm not dead anymore,
Doesn't mean that I'm not dying.

Today a man told a **** joke.
Everyone laughed.
I stood there and thought about it for a moment
And then I asked,
"What is funny about that?"
The laughter stopped
and they stood there in silence.
The momentary silence of shattered illusions,
There was no answer
Because it wasn't funny
So why laugh?

i always find myself
laying my heart out to
the people who love stomping
on my heart for the pure fun of
watching blood pour out

but it wasn't always this way
it all started when my dad started
promising me security to constantly
watch him walk out the door
but every time that promise was
proposed, I always accepted it
even when I knew it was a **** lie
hopeful little me, how adorable

manipulation, that's what it is
finding reasons to get rid of me
i guess i do that too
but when it's consistently happening
to you with every new friendship
or relationship?
you find clarity and warmth
in the words
"i won't be leaving anytime soon"
and it becomes a twisted cycle
of just
constant
manipulation
the manipulated becomes the manipulator

when your newest begins the manipulation
tactic that you were taught at the age
of 5 when your dad said
"I'll be right back" and doesn't for days
that's when you're all ears to your newest victim who says
"it's so nice to find someone like you"
i wish you didn't say that
ever

My bed sheets remain the same
With the ******* stained on white roses
With the scent of skin fusing and hopes colliding
All for the pleasure of sweet surrenders

To my divan where you used to breathe in
Silence of exhaling roars
To my pillowcase trapped forever
Deep groans that left glorious scars

Bashfulness banished off the frame
Rolling strengths into the threads
Savoring the agony of loud throbs
Whispering my name to depth

For the love that is lost
For the love that never fades away
For the love that wanders every day
To my bed linens carved to eternity

The things people say....
The things people do....

Can somtimes make,
a fool out of you....

The way people act....
The games they play...

Will only let them,
lead your way......

To the lies they tell.....
To the drama they live...

Has no reason,
for them to give.....

To the things they will take..
For they will never give....

To their selfish acts,
is no way to live....

To the burdens in life..
To sickness and health..

Grant me this wish,
of only love and wealth...