Writing.

Hold
On
Pain
Ends

I'm  not the kind of girl you say babe to.
Or the one you call beautiful
Or seek to entice.
I'm the one your curled up with in an airport,
Four days before.

I'm not the kind of girl you ask out and post on facebook.
Or worry about from miles away.
I am the hidden kind of girl,
Held in darkness,
But not with hands.

I'm not the kind of girl you move across a country for.
Or you dress up nice and take to parties.
I'm the fierce kind of girl
Who has your unwanted secret
Hidden beneath layers of flesh.

I'm not the kind of girl who doesn't notice your lies.
Or your eyes
Or your ways of showing me I'm not the kind of girl.
But I am the awful kind of girl
Who ignores it.

I am the kind of girl who will share your bed,
And do your laundry.
Agree we are together but always wonder
Why together feels so much lonelier
Then I remember.

I spend
hours
listening to
music
that no one
else likes.
I draw on myself:
my arms,my clothes are
covered in pen

When I younger,
I would eat the
junk food
my grandma gave me
when driving me home
from school.
I lied to my parents
about eating the food;
"No,Mom,
no,Dad,
I didn't eat
what Grandma gave
me."
I always lied to my parents
but they found out anyway
and they never believed me
again.

My sweetest addiction
is lies,
sugary fantasies
that never fill you up
The gluttony just makes you hungrier
for the
truth.
Today I am
an honest person,
but I still crave lies.

But
if I crave lies,
why do I also
want the
truth?

I am not alone because I
Can't make friends

I am alone because alone is safe

No one can tear the
Tender flesh of my heart
If no one is near enough
To find it

I understand the cutter.
Loving you is
My self-harm.

I take bright red ink

                  and decorate my arms

I haven't done this art

                  in a while


I take a clean blade

                  and double check my vitality

I have done this

                  every night this week

They always compare love to a burning fire
And say, " you ignited my heart into flames"
But you were the frozen furnace
The ancient stove that no one ever bothered to heat up
You were cold down to the core and I had electrical heat running through my veins
And everytime I touched you you gave me frostbite
I tried so hard but you were too numb
And sooner or later,
I ran out of match sticks to keep this pathetic excuse of a fire alive
Because I was the forest fire and your were the water that drowned me