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Diana Feb 2014
I have to
Find myself
Diana Mar 2014
For the past fifteen years
I've had parents
Limiting and monitoring
What I do, what I wear, how I feel
I've had a brother
Who refuses to be seen with me
Until I look and act a certain way
I've gone to a school
Where if you're not exactly
Like everybody else
You're not worth the time
For fifteen years
I've had people tell me
Who I am
Who I should be
And how to live my life
For fifteen years
I've been alive
But not truly living
This is why I can't wait
Until I turn eighteen
Because the day I turn eighteen
Is the day my life begins
Diana Jan 2014
2 a.m is for parties
Showing off to loud music
And a thumping bass
**** and beer being passed around
As we try to forget the tragedy
That is our teenage years

2 a.m. is for the envious
The castaways constantly forgotten
Who wish they could be accepted
But don’t realize their pain
Would prevail either way

2 a.m is for forgetting
With a dreamful escape
Dead for at least a few hours
Because sometimes you just can’t deal with being awake
And suicide is frowned upon

2 a.m. is for remembering
Whether you want to or not
As you lay awake in bed
Mind racing with thoughts and memories
Sleep never comes

2 a.m. is for the lonely
Wishing for someone to hold
Someone who understands
But as they reach for the other side of the bed
They find nothing but empty space

2 a.m. is for the lovers
Happily sleeping in each others arms
Because they’re finally at peace
They can face the world together
And sleep can come easily

2 a.m. is being single
Because love ***** and feelings hurt
And sometimes you just need to find yourself
So you can be independent
And get shamelessly wasted

2 a.m. is for the parents
Who heard their baby cry
Or their kid had a nightmare
Because yeah, sleeping is great
But taking care of your child is so much better

2 a.m. is for alcoholics
Who fake a smile all day
To drink their pain away all night
And wish they could trade their heart
For another liver

2 a.m. is for the sober ones
Who never drink or gave it up
And are fighting the temptation
But everything seems tougher
At 2 a.m.

2 a.m. is for those smart people
Whose minds are always working
To figure everything out
And refuse to take a break
Because that’s just wasted time

2 a.m. is for the dumb people
Who aren't really dumb
They’re just smart in a different way
But after getting called stupid their whole lives
They start to believe it

2 a.m is for the fans
Staying up all night watching their favorite show or band
Because they saved their life
And they are more than willing to do anything for them
And losing some sleep isn't much

2 a.m. is for the students
Who are cramming for an exam
Or finishing their essay
Or maybe just procrastinating
Because ****, school is hard

2 a.m. is for the teachers
Because they need to grade these papers
Or complete the lesson plan
And even if it doesn't seem like it
Teaching is a hard job

2 a.m. is for the doctors
Working the graveyard shift
That have seen way too much in their career
But someones gotta do it
And saving lives is worth it

2 a.m. is for the nurses
Working along side the doctors
Wishing they had the same respect as doctors
But would never give up their job
Because they really are good people

2 a.m. if for the patients
Who are in so much pain
And are fighting for their lives
They just want to get out of this place
That smells a bit too clean

2 a.m. is for the readers
Who can’t put down their book
Because it’s just that good
And refuse to sleep until they know
What happens to their favorite characters

2 a.m. is for the dreamers
Who’s imagination comes to life
At the oddest times
And think life is ******* amazing
If you look at it just right

2 a.m. is for the realist
Who can’t sleep because they know how ****** life is
And lost their innocence long ago
They refuse to sugar coat anything
Because they don’t want others to hurt like they did

2 a.m. is for the poets
Writers whose minds can come up with anything
At any time
And they just have to get up and write it
In fear of forgetting it

2 a.m. is for musicians
Who stay up all night to play a gig
Or finish a song before the magic fades
And they know this sleepless life is hard
But they love it anyways

2 a.m. is for artist
Because that clear vision
Just won’t translate on the sketch
And yeah, it’s getting really late
But that’s no reason to give up

2 a.m. is for the cutters
Who rid themselves of daily pain
With the bitter-sweet kiss of a blade
And new scars
Only to cover them up in the morning

2 a.m. is for saving lives
Because that’s when things get tough
The ones you love are about to give up
But you fight like hell to stop them
And a phone call has never been so important

2 a.m. is for suicide
Because you don’t believe anyone cares
And this is the best time to end your life
Since it’s easier to go unnoticed
And you don’t realize the pain you’ll cause

2 a.m. is for everyone
Because everyone goes through life
Because everyone feels
And every emotion seems a  thousand times stronger
Those late nights at 2 a.m.
Diana Jan 2014
He never learned to touch without scarring
He never learned to speak without scaring
He never learned to joke without mocking
He never learned to live without hurting

See, his father was crazed
While his mother just braved
With anger, he was raised
And he was never saved

Deep down, he’s a sweet boy
But that’s what his father sought to destroy
He was abused like a play-toy
And their house lacked joy

He wasn't a soft person
His childhood made him a violent version
The constant incursion
Caused extreme introversion

It’s a horrible cycle
That can make anyone spiteful
Violently idle
Or in his case, suicidal
Diana Aug 2014
But adults will smirk and say "All you teenagers think you're invincible."

And then they'll chuckle and shake their head as to say they have never heard something so preposterous.

But the thing is, we don't think we are invincible.

We know.

Because at 16, I have never felt stronger.

Because some of us have ****** parents that we have to deal with every day.

Because we've all had horrible teachers who disrespect us and belittle us.

Because we've all been ignored.

Because we've all had people not take us seriously because of our age.

Because we have been mistaken for weak.  

Because we've all had peers who turn against us.

Or were never for us in the first place.

Because we often have self destructive tendencies.

Because we are constantly torn between clutching our childhood and sprinting to adulthood.

Because we all have scars.

Because "Act like an adult" and "You're just a baby" are both phrases that often tumble from other's mouths as they direct our lives.

Because people often try to direct our lives.

Because we are too young to decide if we want to get a tattoo but this is the time in which we have to decide what we want to do for the rest of our lives.

Because we are considered rebellious for refusing to conform.

Because we are malleable and impressionable so we are often mistaken for shallow an stupid.

Because Some of us have to smoke to calm down and drink to become numb and take drugs to forget.

Because we are yet to be shaped and haven't become who we are meant to become.

Because we are often called the hopeless generation, doomed to crash in flames and fail miserable.

Because we are undeniably and irreparably broken.

Yet we still move forward and we still fight and we still ******* survive.

We are invincible

Because we have no other choice.
Diana Jan 2014
There’s this lady down my street
Who makes me kind of sad to see
Her house is smells kind of vile
She’s an ailurophile

She’s got about ninety of them
She started hoarding since the day when
Her husband died, long ago
And to her, that was quite a blow

So she started hoarding little friends
Who love her to no end
She takes care of them all so well
Something everyone can tell

The little old lady down my street
Is actually very, very sweet
With her pets and her home she feel safe and cozy
This nice old lady is quite fogey
Diana Mar 2014
The first words Alex ever said to me were “God ******, you ******* *******!”

See, I had just come to the realization that I was, in fact, worthless. No matter what I did with my life, I would not matter, so it only made sense that I **** myself.

That’s how I ended up on the roof of the tallest building I could find, drunk off of cheap ***** and high on *******, thinking that I could fly. But before I could even put my leg out, someone yanked me back, yelling “God ******, you ******* *******!”

He grabbed me by the neck and led me down and out of the building. He sat me on the curb and looked at me. He was 6’4, probably in his mid twenties with a beard and tattoos completely covering his arms and he said “What the **** were you thinking?”

Back then, I was just a punk kid who thought everyone over the age of nineteen was a ****, so I asked him “Why do **** do you care?” He glared and said “Don’t question it, I just do.”

I told him about my father being a cheating *******, how my mom and I didn't get along, and how I have never, in all my life, felt like I fit in anywhere. I explained to him that I was worthless, he should of just let me jump.

He told me to get up and follow him. I, being made entirely of bad decisions stitched together with recklessness, decided to follow him.

We were in the bad side of town, the streets were laced with drugs and bathed in the blood of untimely death. It’s the kind of place parents told you never to go but was filled with kids from broken homes. He led me to a house where music was playing so loud, the Earth shook and as we entered, I feared that my ears would start to bleed.

It was a party full of people with tattoos and piercings, crazy hair on every head and a drink in every hand. He led me to where a groups of kids were sitting, two girls and three boys. He said:

“This is Jimmy, his parents are divorced. Amy’s dad is an alcoholic. Mary’s big brother killed himself. Jack gets made fun of at school, and Neil is a ******. Literally. Make yourself at home.”

And I did.

See, Alex was like our savior. He told us that as long as we had lungs, we could sing. As long as we had hands, we could break things. As long as our hearts were beating, we were to fight for our lives. He told us that we weren't worthless.

One time, at a concert, some pervert tried to grab my ***. I spun around to punch him, but Alex beat me to it.

Another time, we were at a party, and this chick and I started talking **** to each other. There was no good reason for it, I guess we were both just feeling rowdy. She said something I felt went to far, so I reared back and was about to throw the first punch. Someone grabbed me and put me in a choke hold.

It was Alex

He said: “Kid, what the **** are you doing? You don’t know who these people are, and if they light you up, I ain't setting you out.”

An out of townee Alex had had tift with a few years back went up to him and stabbed him underneath his rib cage. Blood was gushing out of his mouth.

That night, I patched up the holes in my jeans. I went home, said sorry to my mom and dad, and locked myself in my room.

Finally, after three days, I climbed out my window and ran. I ended up on the roof of the same building Alex had pulled me down from. I ended up getting drunk off cheap ***** and high on *******. I felt like I could fly.

Jimmy, Amy, Mary, Jack, Neil and I used to be a family. Now, we only call each other every month or so to make sure we're all ok.

Alex is dead. Sometimes, though, on the nights I feel like I can fly, I can hear him say "Don't be stupid, kid. Keep going."
Diana Jan 2014
It seems like
Every time I turn around
Someone is leaving
Then I turn back around
And bam
Someone else is gone

I wish I knew
What it is about me
That drives everyone away
Is it something I can change
Or am I stuck like this

Maybe it’s because I’m fat
And ugly
And stupid
And worthless
And broken
And will never be good enough

Honestly, I can’t think of any other reasons
I’m just a disappointment
No one will ever love me
People don’t always see it at first
But when they do
They leave

I guess that’s why I’m so used to being alone
Diana Jan 2014
They say that hell is empty
And the devils are all here
They say we should be careful
That everything’s to fear
But I ignore the cautions
The warnings that I hear
It’s not like we are angels
Or people to hold dear
Yes, devils are among us
But I don’t think we should fear
Because we, ourselves the people
Are the devils that are here
Diana Jan 2014
That’s all I feel
Pumping from my heart
Coursing through my veins
Flaring in my eyes
I want to yell
At the top of my lungs
Until they explode
I want to punch something
So it can hurt like I do
I want to run
Faster and farther
Until my legs are numb and give out
I feel so many ******* emotions
That all want to come out at once
So they all come out as anger
So I’m sorry
If I lash out and hurt you
I’m just so **** angry
And I can’t help it
Diana Jan 2014
Music pumping through the venue
An assemblage of people with the same passion
A single band bringing millions together
As they share for the night a common life

A single song blares from the stage
Emotions they all can share
Tying them all together
As everyone sings at the top of their lungs

A mosh pit forms in the middle of the crowd
Aggressive actions match the aggressive song
Screaming the lyrics that saved their lives
As the band watches fans who saved theirs, too

The band starts the final song
A soft anthem for the broken, but fighting
Everyone held hands as they sung and cried
As it was the end of the best night of their lives
Diana Jan 2014
So this is how an angel dies
With agony and sinless cries
Battle against the Devil’s hands
Will surely lead to our demise

At war against Satan’s sin
Swords grazed against our skin
But the fight must go on
Even though our armor’s thin

His demons will attack
We will have to just fight back
Against an army of sinful fools
Without mercy we will react

This war will be won
Raised swords until we’re done
Riddance of evil now
Victorious march, one by one

This is not how an angel dies
No agonies or sinless cries
Battle against the Devil’s hand
Only led to his demise
Diana Jan 2014
A mighty man
With an army of strenght
A warrior against those
Who fought against and not with

As he led his men
He fought bravely in battle
No one ever defeated him
War was his passion

He was not just brute strength
He was a cunning man with intellect
Bloodshed was not all he sought
Alliances is what this beleaguer wanted

But when it’s time to for him to spill enemies blood
A sword is swung and he attacks with fury
He shows no mercy as rage fill his eyes
Do not get in his way, you will end up dead

Battle was his playground
And he never lost
He was the bravest warrior
To walk the land

His legend now lives on for good
Though he is one who long lost past
He still leads his men to battle
As a warrior’s spirit never dies
Diana Jan 2014
I've drank alcohol
Less bitter than your heart
I've smoked cigarettes
Sweeter than your words
Razors cut my skin
Softer than your lies
And I've swallowed pills
That numb me less
Than the heartbreak that you caused

I didn't realize
I was just a toy
For you to play with
For you to pass your time
You spent my love
Til it was wasted
On you
And I was broken
Broken inside

And I still don't understand
Why you meant brake my heart
Was it your plan?
I went through hell and back
Just for loving you
And now you’re gone
I’m all alone
I guess
I guess I’m better off

You knew very well
You never loved me
Yet you played the part
You lied straight through your teeth
All you wanted was
To see how far you could go
But you went too far
Now you could **** me with one blow

And I still don't understand
Why you meant brake my heart
Was it your plan?
I went through hell and back
Just for loving you
And now you’re gone
I’m all alone
I guess
I guess I’m better off

I hope one day
Someone takes your selfish heart
Gives you love and adoration
Then takes it back
And walks away
Like they never even cared
It’s what you deserve

But I still don't understand
Why you meant brake my heart
Was it your plan?
I went through hell and back
Just for loving you
And now you’re gone
I’m all alone
I guess
I guess I’m better off

I’m better off
Better off
Better off…..
Diana Jan 2014
Hey, big brother
Do you remember me?
I’m the little sister you’ll lose
In a few months or so
I look up to you
So **** much
You’re my hero
My best friend
The only one I can trust
But you mistreat me
So ******* much
It’s like you hate me
I don’t want to put myself through this anymore
So once you leave for college
I won’t see you anymore
Not willingly
You’ll lose a little sister
And I’ll lose the person
Who hurts me the most
Diana May 2014
I convinced myself
That the answer to all of my problems
Would be found at the bottom of a bottle
I didn't find it that first time
But it hasn't stopped me from looking
Diana Jan 2014
I know this one boy
He has shaggy dark hair
And dark eyes
That seem so full of emotion
Yet empty all the same

I’ve never talked to him
I don’t think anyone has
He keeps to himself
But he does write quite a lot
In this old leather journal
He always carries around

He always wears skinny jeans
And lots of band-tees
But for some reason
He always wears sleeves
He’s got a lip piercing
And a few tattoos

Once, I had a terrible day
So I decided to skip class
I instead went snuck upstairs to the roof
I didn’t expect to see anyone there
But someone’s back was facing me

It was the boy I never talked to
He was writing in his journal
Scribbling furiously, pen in hand
I guess he also came here to brood
He just had that look

I went up behind him and said his name
He had earphones in with music playing loud
I knew the song, it was from my favorite band
Vices by Memphis May Fire

I tapped his shoulder and he jumped
He looked back at me in surprise
I asked if he was ok

He shrugged
He looked up at me with sad eyes
I sat next to him, shoulder to shoulder
And asked him what’s wrong

His dad yells at him
And tells him terrible things
His older brother always beats him up
And his big sister killed herself
His mom just doesn’t care
She’s never really home
His depression just keeps getting worse
He can barely get out of bed
Anxiety is eating him alive
And he’s trying, though failing, to stop his self harm

He started crying in the middle of his story
So I held him as he whimpered
And told him mine
We never talked to each other before in our life’s
We never had an exchange of words
But now as we sat together on the roof
I never felt closer to anyone

After a while, he seemed to calm down
I pulled up his sleeve and traced his scars
He looked down, he seemed kind of ashamed
I lifted up his chin and rolled up my sleeve
And showed him we had matching battle scars

He looked up at me with teary eyes
I told him about hope
And how things would get better
I told him if he could hold on
For just a few more years
He could get away from those who hurt him
And out of this **** town

I held his hand in mine
And looked him in the eye
I told I would be there
Every step of the way
And that if he would hold on
I would hold on with him

He nodded his head yes
He promised he would fight
He promised he would stay alive
If I would stay with him
Of course I said of course
We would make it through together
And so I became best friends with
The brooding boy on the roof
Diana Jan 2014
It was a bucolic setting
With friendly neighbors
And well kept gardens
With well manicured lawns
There were very tiny schools
And a tinier church
Both with white walls
And well behaved children
It was such a quaint place
A peaceful little town
Where nothing really happened
So what a surprise it came
To the other townspeople
When they heard the nice little choir girl
The one everyone knew and loved
Had killed herself
Diana Jan 2014
The lovers sat on the couch
Of their lovely little bungalow
As they snuggled up together
They listened to the rainfall
And the steady rhythm
Of each others heartbeat
Inside their home
They felt safe
As if in their own little world
Together tucked away
In their little slice of heaven
Never to be separated
Diana Jan 2014
I’ll gladly admit
I’m fairly insane
I’m hard to put up with
I’ll never be tamed

I’ll give you a headache
Confusion, no doubt
Awkward and quiky
That’s what I’m about

A nerd and a dork
I cause quite the damage
Not many people
Can put up the the challenge

But if you can
Put up with me
The very best
I’ll try to be

Because for those I love
I’d do it all
Sacrifice myself
So they never fall

I’m asking you
To put down your stance
I’ll prove it to you
Just give me a chance
Diana Jan 2014
It seems to me
That when it come to relationships
I’m alway on the outside
Looking in
But as a friend I notice things
Like how my friends
Always seem to change

See, Kaci’s always been shy
She never seemed to enjoy the spotlight
But after she started dating Ty
She’s becoming confident, taking flight

Kortni’s been through hell and back
With guys who never treat her right
But now she’s with Jacob, a real nice guy
And she’s a lot happier, it’s quite a sight

Miriyam’s alway been laid back
Though kind of eccentric, without a doubt
But her boyfriend Nuno lives a bit far away
So to me, she kind of seems stressed out

Nathanael has always been my friend
Someone on who I could always depend
But we stopped talking when Jocelyn came in
And our friendship came to a sudden end

Relationships can be really good
But they can be really bad
I don’t feel I have much right to say
As I’m just someone who’s looking in
But one thing that always seems true
Sometimes good, other times not
Whether it be out of the blue
Is my friends always seem to change
Diana Jan 2014
He was an older man
Of about forty five years
He had a wife and children
And his very own home

One day, abruptly
A phone call came in
From the hospital  of the town
He had grown up in

His father, a man
Late in his years
Had just passed away
And so started the tears

Now, his father was one
For whom he had utmost respect
For his father raised him alone
Since the day he was born

The next few weeks
Were a blur to the man
For he had just lost his hero
It was a sudden slam

The man was back
At his childhood home
After the funeral
He sat in his old room

He was looking through a few
Of his old playthings
When he picked up a box
He heard rattle around

Inside he saw
His old collection of marbles
Oxbloods and oilies
Lutz, aggies, and clambroths

He noticed a piece of paper
Under his favorite marble
A chatoyant thumper
His father had given him as a starter

He unfolded the paper
And he was surprised to see
His father's handwriting
He began to read

“Son, I know that you're reading this
It means I’m probably gone
But one thing I want you to know
Is that you’ll never be alone

I remember the day that your mother left
You had just been born
I swore that very day you’d never miss her
I’d be your dad, your mom, and more

As I watched you grow
Into the man you are
I couldn’t be prouder
Of who you’ve become

I’ll love you more than you’ll ever know
I’m proud to call you my son
Be the husband and father I know you can be
Because I know you’re a **** good one

I know you’re probably heartbroken
But don’t be sad for too long
Because I’ll forever watch over you
Goodbye, son, please stay strong”

The man had tears in his eyes
When his little girl walked him
She looked at him with big brown eyes
And asked her daddy what’s wrong

He shook his head and said nothing
While picking his princess up
He carried her and his marbles downstairs
A sad, hopeful smile stuck on his lips
Diana Jan 2014
He’s a comely young man
Blonde hair and blue eyes
With enginuitive talent
And an intellectual mind

She was a lovely young lady
With dark hair and green eyes
With musical talent
And an artistic mind

He was raised rather high class
With a gentleman umbriging
He was told he owned the world
And he grew up believing it

She grew up being told
You had to work for what you had
She was taught to fight for her rights
And she was a stubborn heart

He always carried the mantra
“Speak softly and carry a big stick”
Silent and polite
He had the poise of a prince

Her thoughts were louder
She was more likely to yell and use the big stick
She was a wilder spirit
Who kind of lacked grace

But the two opposite
Polar personalities
Did have a large similarity
They loved each other

No one know exactly
How this love came to be
As it was very unexpected
For them to even get along

But I have never known a greater love
As the one shared by those two
For this affection was one
That saw past even the greatest differences
Diana Jan 2014
A conflation of personalities
Two merged into one
In a single being
Who are you?
I don’t know
How do you feel?
I’m not sure
There’s war
Inside my head
I want everything
And nothing
All at once
There’s so much going on
A war inside my mind
I don’t who I am
I don’t know how I feel
All I know is I want
This confusion
To end
Diana Jan 2014
This is killing me
I haven’t seen you in two weeks
I could’ve sworn I was over you
And this stupid little crush
But they told me you’d be coming tomorrow
Which means I’ll probably see you
And the feeling rushed back again
Like a tsunami wave
Crashing to the shore
I could’ve sworn I was over you
But I guess I’m not
Diana Jan 2014
Oh Cupid
What is your plan?
For all I see right now
Is you playing with my heart
Simply for amusement
Oh, why did you strike me
With your bitter bow
But not shoot at someone else?
All my love is wasted
Spent on unrequited love
Woe and weep
Because my tender heart
Is aching in my chest
For someone
And this hopeless love
Has left me bruised and bleeding
Diana Jan 2014
The church pews were decorated with flowers
The aisles lined in petals
The bridesmaids all in blue
The groomsmen all in suites
The attendants sat with happy smiles
As the music started playing
The groom started crying
As his wife-to-be walked down the aisle
Escorted by her father
The bride was the cynosure of all eyes
And so they made
An unbreakable vow
And began their life together
Diana Jan 2014
It happened suddenly
As a violent burst
Like a flash of lightning
Their love was toxic
An extraordinary dalliance
They thought it would last forever
But it ended quicker than Shakespearean love
It was real, it was true
But it burned out much too quickly
And it ended up as nothing more
Than a lesson for later love
Diana Jan 2014
I was more like a fire
Burning and raging dangerously
You were more like paper
Just waiting to be ignited

To tell you the truth, I’m toxic
I’m a pretty ****** up person
And if I’m being honest
I’ll ******* up too

I drink too much
I swear like sailor
I cut my skin
I drink the wrong pills

I’m not pretty
I’m not nice
I’m not cheerful or happy
As a girl should be

Honestly, I’m terrible
And you need someone safer
Less reckless
Than me

Because if we get attached to each other
And I do something stupid
Or you realize I’m not worth the risk
Our hearts will be broken

And I don’t want to see you hurt like that
Diana Jan 2014
I think I saw you in my sleep, darling
Darling, you were in my dreams
You never seem to leave my mind, darling
Darling, why won’t you leave?

There’s something about you, darling
Darling, I just don’t know what
I’ve never seen someone like you, darling
Darling, you’re unique

I love the way you smile, darling
Darling, your laugh is divine
Your jokes are kind of corny, darling
Darling, I still love them

I love how awkward you are, darling
Darling, you’re oh so shy
But that’s ok, darling
Darling, we’re just the same

I know you don’t notice me, darling
Darling, I’m invisible to you
But you take up so much room in my heart, darling
Darling, I love you
Diana Jan 2014
Daydreamer, realities a drag
Live in your mind
Happiness in a bag
Why live in real life
When you got your stories?
You’ve got an easy way
To escape all your worries
Daydreamer, you go with the flow
Daydreamer, you dodge every blow
With your head in the clouds
You got nothing figured out
But hey, that’s ok
No need to be so stout!
As you fly with the birds
And cruse in the sky
Your lost among clouds
High as a kite
Diana Jan 2014
I’ve heard them say
That the days of old
Surely were
The day’s of gold
But I can’t help
But disagree
As the days of old
Were painful to me

My demons live
Far in the past
For down below
Is where they’re cast
Far behind me
Is where I want to keep them
The past was a time
That was awfully dim

So when you say
That the days of old
Surely were
The days of gold
I disagree
I laugh and scoff
For the days of old
Are ones I’d like to brush off
Diana Jan 2014
Dear Darling,
Please excuse my writing
It’s just that my hands are shaking
And the tears in my eyes
Are making it hard to see

Dear Darling,
How long has it been since we last talked?
A week
A month
A year?

Dear Darling,
How are you doing?
I hope you’re ok
I know I probably shouldn’t be checking up on you
But you know how worried I get

Dear Darling,
I probably won’t even send this
Because I am a coward
And I don’t think I’ll ever be able to tell you
I love you
Diana Jan 2014
Dear Darling,
Please excuse my writing
It’s just that my hands are shaking
And the tears in my eyes
Are making it hard to see

Dear Darling,
How long has it been since we last talked?
A week
A month
A year?

Dear Darling,
How are you doing?
I hope you’re ok
I know I probably shouldn’t be checking up on you
But you know how worried I get

Dear Darling,
I probably won’t even send this
Because I am a coward
And I don’t think I’ll ever be able to tell you
I love you
Diana Jan 2014
The bright, burning lights
On the large, expansive stage
Thousands of people
Seemingly faceless to him
In the crowd
Just trying to get a better glimpse
And hear a bit better
Sweating profusely
Adrenaline pumping through his veins
With his guitar strapped on
Playing furiously
He’s bellowing the lyrics
Of the song he wrote himself
Along with his bandmates
Made brothers by music
This is where his heart belongs
This is his demesne
Diana Jan 2014
A demure child
Of about ten years old
Sweet and quiet
She did not do much
With her light brown hair
And soft brown eyes
She wore flowery dresses
And had a sense of innocence
Her classmates teased
And bullied her
Trying to get a rise
But they knew
This mild girl
Was not one to fight back
Until one day
They pushed her hard
Her favorite book
Landed in the mud
She started shaking
Not from fear
There was anger
In her eyes
She pushed right back
A boy twice her size
And watched as he landed
In the mud
Another tried
To pull her hair
So she punched him
In the nose
As he fell
She looked around
And dared someone else
To step up
When no one did
She picked up her book
She dusted her dress
And calmly walked home
Ever since that day
Everyone knew
This quiet girl
Was not one to be tried
Diana Jan 2014
The denouement
Was startling
Because it was there
Right in front of everybody’s eyes
But no one
Not a single **** person
Saw the truth behind her lies
And now
The ending of this play
We call her life
Has ended
Diana Jan 2014
It started out so innocently
A drink every now and then
But he quickly spiraled downhill
He became a mess
This constant desuetude
Of alcohol he kept well hidden
Cost him his job
His family
His love
And his life
Diana Jan 2014
I have no future
My present is broken
Only my past remains
My past is something I wish to escape
Sooner or later
I will fade
And my lackluster soul
Will be gone
Diana Jan 2014
It doesn’t matter
How shallow the water
You can still drown
It doesn’t matter
How short the cliff
You can still fall
It doesn’t matter
How small the matter
It can still tear you apart
Diana Jul 2014
I don't know if I should drown myself in love

Or in whiskey

Or in the ocean

Sometimes I feel like I'm hiding myself behind my cigarette

As if the thin veil of bitter smoke

And a snarky remark

Could protect me

I'm like a distorted mirror image

I might have been beautiful

But out of hatred and anger

I punched the glass

I don't even know who I am anymore

Or who I was

Or who I will be

Sometimes I'm flooded with emotion

And it takes me under and drowns me like a tsunami tide

Sometimes I'm numb

As if somehow death has found me despite my beating heart

Alcohol, drugs, stoges, blades, flames

Rebellion, hatred, stubbornness, sarcasm, spite

Have all made me completely different

From who I could have been

Had I just stayed in societies boundaries

But I couldn't

I'm an outcast by design

Designed to always be alone

So here I sit

Curled up in a sheet-less mattress

And I still don't know

I don't know if I should drown myself in love

Or in whiskey

Or in the ocean
Diana Dec 2014
You're a drugstore Romeo
Cigarette in your lips and hearts in your hands
And I really should have known
By that look in your eyes
That you never really cared at all
But I thought you did
I swear I thought you did
All you wanted was a bit of fun
And a hand to hold for a little while
And that's all I was to you
Diana Jan 2014
I’ve gone insane with the pain
Twisted memories still remain
I’ll never be able to escape
The terrible thoughts my head contains

Do you see these scars right here?
More to come is what I fear
But how am I supposed to heal
If I ruin what I hold dear?

I guess no one understood
Their words hurt more than any blade could
Now, I hang off their every word
As realize where I stood

I know I’ll never be good enough
I won’t make it, times are too tough
So now I lay me down to die
I’m done with life, don’t call my bluff

But this is no woe is me
I’m simply telling why I’ll no longer be
And when I’m gone you’ll wonder why
You never noticed my agony
Diana Jun 2014
I honestly don't want to
Erase you from my mind
Or my lips
Or my fingertips
Diana Jun 2014
I'm on my eight shot of *****
And I'm still trying to forget your name
But all I managed to do
Is forget mine
This just goes to show
Even when I'm intoxicated
And incomprehensible
You are the only thing that is clear
In my clouded mind
Diana Jan 2014
I am everything
Therefore, I am nothing
But if I am nothing
How can I be everything?
You cannot define me
I am everything
I am nothing
All at once
You cannot define me
Diana Jan 2014
I feel myself fade
Away from your mind
I see it in your eyes
As I begin to disappear
I see everyone
Finding others
Becoming who
They’re meant to be
And here I sit
All alone
I know in not too long
I will matter no more
Diana Mar 2014
The feeling I get
When I’m pressed up to your side
Is my new favorite feeling
Diana Jan 2014
Some roses are red
But violets aren’t blue
Did you actually think
This was some stupid “I love you”?

I’m sick of feelings
Like hope and love
Because they all seem to fade
When push  comes to shove

Love is a four letter word
That always hurts the same
I’m always the one left behind
Left with nothing but hate and shame

So now, I refuse to feel
I’ll drink away my pain
Who needs love, anyways
If I got this bottle to drain
Diana Jan 2014
I think the thing
I’m scared of most
Is being forgotten
Because I know
I’m not that special
There’s nothing
About me
So soon enough
You’ll find someone
Much more interesting
And wonderful
And amazing than I
And you’ll forget
All about me
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