Dev A

Dev A May 2018

In the darkness of night
I wonder if it’s all worth it.
The thoughts pounding in my head
Am I worth it?
Wouldn’t it be better if I was gone?
I’ll never amount to anything

In the darkness of night
I wonder why I’m still here.
Nothing to look forward to
Where’s the motivation to keep going?
What is there to live for?
I have nothing keeping me here

In the darkness of night
I wonder if anyone would care.
Friendless
Never making lasting impressions
When has anyone put me first?
No one listens to what I have to say

In the darkness of night
I wonder if it’s the oppressing stillness.
Or are the demons whispering in my ear?
Some say it’s just a chemical imbalance
But in the silence, they come from inside
Whispers of never being enough

#depression #life #end #suicidalthoughts #sucide #darkness #night #demons

Dev A May 2018

The Woman (Mother's Day)

To the woman who is my best friend
Who has always had my back
Even when we don’t get along;

To the woman who always knows what I need
Who is always by my side
Through the good times and the bad;

To the woman who will never let me down
Who fights for me
Because what’s best for me is what’s best for her;

To the woman who shows me how to live right
Who showed me what the world has to offer
And that all I have to do is make it mine;

To the woman who brought me into this world
Who taught me right from wrong
Always having more to show the world;

To the woman who is my mother
Who personifies all that comes with that word
Loving, caring, kind, beautiful, teacher, and everything else;

Happy Mother’s Day
I Love You and would never change what we’ve gone through
You’ve made me into who I am today

#mother #friend #love #happy #life #beautiful

Dev A Mar 2018

A Dream

I dream about you in my sleep
I clutch your hand holding mine,
As your arms wrap me in a tight embrace.

I dream about you in my sleep
I hear your whispered words in my ear
As your lips lay kisses across my cheek.

I dream about you in my sleep
I feel safe in your presence
As you stand by my side.

I dream about you in my sleep
But when I wake I can’t see your face
As I realize a dream was all it was.

I dream about you in my sleep
But when I wake I remember you were a faceless entity
An imaginary lover of a long forgotten time

#love #dream #relationship #lover #imaginary

Dev A Mar 2018

Sounds of the Night

A midnight flower dances in the moonlight;

An owl soars through starlit clouds;

Glistening dewdrops sparkle in the shadows;

Crickets chirp amongst the stillness;

The wind howls through the darkness;

Crinkle of paper as the insomniac turns the pages;

The only sounds which stir in the night.

#insomnia #midnight #darkness #moonlight #night

Dev A Feb 2018

Waiting Day by Day

I sit here waiting day by day
Waiting for a ding, a buzz
Hoping to hear from you.

A simple reassurance I’m on your mind
A ding, or a buzz just you saying “hello”
Just a reminder that you think of me too.

Each time I check my phone
I think I must have missed the ding, or the buzz
The sign that you sent me a message.

As I sit here day by day
Waiting for a ding, a buzz
I see you name cross my screen

A notification sits there with your name
A ding, a buzz alerted me
Telling me you came to say, “Hey! How was your day?”

#relationships #hope #longing #reassurance #hello

Dev A Feb 2018

A Stranger, Once A Lover

I woke up one day
To see your face on my screen

It took a few moments
But the more I looked,
The stranger I felt.

I realized that I was no longer plagued by emotions
I was over you
But more than that
I realized I’ve been able to move on for a while, now.

When I saw your face
I noticed I didn’t know you anymore,
You became a stranger,
No longer the one who made me laugh,
Who made my day.

I woke up one day
To see your face on my screen
And now I’m ready to move forward
With my life, a life without you

#relationships #love #stranger

Dev A Feb 2018

Wishes

I wish I could talk with you every day
I wish this anxiety didn’t plague me
I wish I had the courage to start a conversation
I wish I didn’t fear what you thought of me

I wish that my heart didn’t beat faster out of nerves
But rather from only excitement
I wish those three little dots didn’t have me terrified
But rather anticipation thrumming through me

I keep wishing to change how I feel when I hear from you;
From scared and worried to happy and excited
But my mind is keeping me back from enjoying our banter
I keep wishing that today will be the day
The day I finally conquer this anxiety
But I have to keep persevering;
Never letting it take complete control.

I wish I knew what to say
I wish I knew how to keep our conversations going
I wish this distance I’ve created doesn’t last
But most of all, I wish that you can understand.

#wish #anxiety #hope #fear