If you are a suicide survivor
Inbox me your name
And I’ll add it to my tattoos of others

You guys mean the world to me
And I have my own name on my arm
Because I too, am a suicide survivor.

The poet lives two lives.
One on the outside,
And one in their mind.

When you look in their eyes
You could see an abyss.

If you looked long enough
You could sink into it.

But most people don’t see it.

Take the time to read the words, though,
And you would know for sure.

The poet lives in two different worlds.

They said that that broken people created the most beautiful things.
Maybe that’s why my parents had created me.
I would have called myself a china doll.
But then, you came along.
Then, you,
You.
And all of you together,
had me broken.

Touching a china doll is a sacred act.
As a six-year-old, that is a difficult concept to grasp.
While you ravished me, made me your wealth for five years,
I didn’t even know my worth.
But when I knew, I was already eleven-years-old,
you were rich; had no use of me anymore.
And I was scratched.  

Then came you,
when you did, I was already at an edge.
I had forgotten what it was to be expensive when,
all I think about is the scratches on my body.
Thus,
You barely touched me, and I was on the ground.

I often think, I let the last of you happen.
Whilst being cracked on the ground, it’s hard to be expensive.
So, I didn’t scream.
I didn’t object.
I sat there and took it.

But, I was on the verge of finding my gold,
to piece me back together again.

Now I need to start over again.
I am coming for it,
when I do, I will piece myself back together.

don’t you ever think that you were easy.
you were a piece of work, a task that needed constant action, an assignment that needed to be taken with caution, but i still did it.
i still loved you.
i loved you so unconditionally.
i loved you at your worst and your best and i loved your flaws and your mistakes and i loved your smiles and your voice and i loved you when you didn’t love yourself.
i handled you as if you were fine china, fresh and clean, even though you were far from such purity.
i dare anyone else to love you in such a way.
i dare anyone else to love all sides of you equally.
i dare anyone else to love you enough to sacrifice anything and everything for you the way i did.
i dare anyone else to love you well enough to know how to handle you.
i dare anyone else to put up with you even after you’ve made them feel as **** as you made me feel.  
i dare anyone else to love you enough to let you break their heart endlessly for the sake of being with you.
whoever she is, she won’t be half of me. she may have a brighter smile with eyes lighter than mine, she may have skin smoother and more beautiful than mine, she may have a laugh more admirable than mine, she may have a body more fit than mine, but she will never have a heart as big as mine for you.

I mourn for the past
I mourn for the me I once knew
Someone carefree
Someone healthy
Going and going without thinking twice
Jumping and leaping without a care
What I would give to dance again
To walk on the beach without being in pain
To climb to new heights without fear of a fall
I miss my old spirit
I miss being a normal teen
I miss achieving the highest and being the best
College
Relationships
Careers
It’s all different now
I had a plan
I miss my plan
I want a plan
But I can only play life by ear
If only
I could jump back into my old body
Crawl back into my old brain
Feel young again
Feel the weight lifted off of my shoulders
Rip the labels off of me and toss them aside
I miss Sophie, the honor roll student
I miss Sophie, the actress
I miss Sophie, the future teacher
I can no longer escape the boundaries
Of Sophie, the sick kid

Remember that old uphill trail
We used to meander along
With matching footsteps
Under the sunlit canopy of leaves
Carving words for each other
On the bark of aged trees
Who may have known
what would become of us
But nevertheless smiled
acted as a blank canvas instead
And watched the moments
Filled with playful laughter
Peachy smiles
Lingering gaze
Warm caress
Unfold lazily between us
The winds of time
May have blown us miles apart
Our footprints may have long eroded
That sunlit canopy may have withered
And we may walk that trail
Only in our dreams
But those words are yet to fade
they were the voice of our soul
Etched into the lap of nature
And as I run my fingers along its rugged edges
I reminisce about you
And hope that wherever you are
You are thinking about me too