Here i was, wide awake
Looking for my step ahead
For if i fell in sinful pit
There would be a matter of life and death

Fearful drops of vicious water
Came towards me as a man of slaughter
Breaking my vein, stabbing my heart
Looking at me to tear apart

But i kept my faith in  Almighty
Unbelievable for you and me
Still as a response to midnight dark
Fearfully beating at the pit of my heart.

Came the siren answer to me
Who are you, whom do you seek?
I said, my voice in a hush tone
I'm in search of a room, i dont have the key.

And again the voice of  wisdom rang
Putting in me the word-"i can''
Telling me to try my best,
Pushing me to pass this test.

I sat up taking a new ambition
Ready to get rid of this complication
But as i stood up, came the thunder
Bringing my head down to wonder

Neither i had treasure to take
Leave silver, diamond or gold crate
Not even a leaf that room holds for me
So what shall i conquer thee?

So i sat back down for ages
Passing through all my weak stages
Slaving under the ******* of fear
Holding back drops of tears

I can't do it! i heard myself say
Stoping the freedom and running away
Though my mind laid on the peaceful heaven
Thinking and thinking from day 1-7

All the pleasures of heaven being irresistible
Made me more and more feeble
Suddenly a thought came to my mind
Which turned back the days, turned back the time.

Human as i was,  greedy as i can be
Forgot all the pleasurable treasures waiting for me
For heaven was it! heaven was it!
Freedom was the throne where i would sit!

Its hard to believe to listen to
The sound of silence through layman's ears
For silence,an unestablished thought
Rides the young hearts only through fear.
Maturity, an understanding through beneath
Sediments like evils srata
For if you conquered,it only leads
To the sound of silence,every data.
For as we stare, me and words together,
Silence redeems through the pages
Every drop of ink forever
Can spell the words through all the ages.
The silence that lingers between
Begs me to hear it closer
Its trying to express the unwanted enclitic
The words that will fade never.
And now as i cherish this conversation of silence,
I realize that ink has a spirit
And to know the mistake i have committed
Which on my face like a bright light lit.
And to know the spectacular reason
I'm astonished myself, i must say
Ink helps us when we are not thinking
Flowing on paper without delay.
This sound of silence that i have gathered now,
Must be of great help all through my life
It will let me hear all those unsound-able things
And help me to decide when to stab a knife.
Through my youth scores, a bunch of thirty
Led me through a rugged terrain,
And now i want a plain surface with lots of pleasure
To lead a life, to be truly sane.
The sound is like a hand i want
Which helps me to walk in young years
Through the blasphemy, through humanism
It will strike away all my fears.
Does one realize that i said
The words of silence through every phase
The crumb of bread a beggar needs
The food of life heaven feeds?
They can't be realized by screaming though oceans,
They can't be realized by ending a story
For they are the curse of hearing unknown thoughts,
The sound of silence one and only.
My heart beats are frantic now,
As i have reached the harmonics of music,
Sweet and presentable they are now
Tapping your life like your feet.
They are many fellows who can't sing
So they make you suffer the sound of silence
With every teardrop longing for supper
Fighting their way through all the violence.
For those who have a great voice
It doesn't mean that they have to be proud,
For it may break any time
Like breaking a stone, like rumbling of clouds.
And i may not be an instrumentalist
And i may not be a teacher,
But i can stop the silence and let them hear music
And make them smile, not to suffer.

I'm never one to get cold
Or get goosebumps
But with the subtlest touch
From her can make my hairs
Stand *****, send chills down my spine
And expel a sigh of relief.
That's the power of her love
So precise so Devine so powerful
That with the tip of her finger
Can make me feel all that at once.

Can you see? Can you see?!
Where the Faye roam free,
Where the earth and the sky are one in the night.
  Can you see, can you see?
Where the Faries fly free,
   And dance in the light of the moon shining bright.
   *Can you hear? Can you hear?!
The laughter of the lutes,and the songs of the Stars.
As they pull you to their world, too enchanted to run.
     Can you hear, Can you hear?
The songs of the Sirens trying to beguile,
   And the tunes of the Naiads calling you to drown,
Into the depths of the water, of which they both ware the Crown.

No bricks, no mortar
Just empty rooms.
Space so large it truly is never ending
Silence, so quiet it screams.
Doors only unlocked at certain times
Windows always looking in - never out.

If we looked out what would we see?
Croquet on the lawn?
A garden party?
A dog chasing its own tail?

Focus on the dog, the ******* dog
It's teeth, the steam of its breath as it pants
It's fur glossy, midnight black
He's padding forward, to you, you at the window

Go back, run, find a room that's unlocked
Unknown, uncared for.
Hide, retreat, leave the black dog outside
You and that dog can never play ball.

You find a room with a checkered floor
Black and white, chess.
You, are the Queen of this chess mansion
You, are not captured, not today
Not by the black monstrous dog.

One cut
Two cut
Three cuts more
No more Ruby no more.
Four cuts
Five Cuts
Can’t let it go,
Can’t stop it.
I love the rush
The release from my chains
That have been choking me.
This obsession,
With societies idea of
“Perfection?”
It’s killing me.
Your obsession of me,
it’s merely a fascination of the sick
And twisted.
Want to see more?
Come here.
I’ll show you darling.
You start here you go there.
You feel nothing but the knife.
Sweet silver against the white.
******* torture.
Oh I see.
Now you’re scared of me.
But my pet.
I’ll just laugh in your face.
Because you see:
YOU did this to me.
I’d like white roses for my funeral.

Friday 28**
the lack of attention,
lack of sexuality weighed on my shoulders
the abundance of stress and hardships
without any distraction
all at once
***** take away the pain
and it does
surrounded by beautiful people
with strangely demented faces
at least from my point of view
they watch over me as i stumble
a small rest in an elevator with pranksters
a cigarette on the balcony with..
who knows
a burning cigarette resting on my body somewhere
gum in my hair
then in the taco bell drive through
removing the toxins, in the worst of ways
and heading to the drunken second home of the beauties  

he cuddles me to sleep