He touches you in all the wrong places,
"Dad, stop," you tend to utter,
but quickly after, he shoves another dollar bill into your mouth.
He says nothing, just stares.
Tears form in your eyes,
but you hold them back.
You convince yourself that you're stronger than that,
you're stronger than the tears.
But darling,
what monster convinced you that crying meant weakness?
Who dared to tell you that if you cried,
it meant you were weak?
"Go buy yourself something pretty," is all he mutters,
and you walk away like nothing even happened.

You throw yourself onto the bed,
shove your face into your pillow and lose yourself.
You don't even know who you are anymore,
he's destroying you.
You wonder why no one notices the sadness in your eyes,
or the lack of your beautiful smiles.
You put on a mask,
you try to hide it for as long as you can.

"Dad, stop."
Dollar bill.

Five years.  
Five. Years.
That’s how long it takes you,
to finally let someone in.
That's how long it takes you,
to reveal the source of your pain.
To put a reason behind why you search for attention
in all the wrong places.

It feels like he stripped you of your identity,
but you're still you.
You are still beautiful,
you are still strong,
you are enough.

You are everything,
And so much more. //

You kissed me
and I felt air exiting my body.
I was a chimney,
and you're the fire that caused the fumes.

I kissed you
and air reentered,
but it was different,
it wasn't mine.

Your lips touched mine,
and suddenly I was a deflated balloon
with all its air,
gone.

My lips touched yours,
and instantly I was inflated
with a different air,
with yours.

You kissed me,
and took the breath from my soul.

I kissed you,
and told you that I didn't want it back

because yours
makes me feel more -
whole. //

*written on April 07, 2017

If he really loved you,
he wouldn't be able to put his hand on your face.
Unless he was caressing you,
or wiping your tears away,
or holding you to kiss you.

If he really loved you,
he would try to understand why you got upset,
rather than try to come up with yet another excuse.

If he really loved you,
he would be willing to talk to you to solve problems,
rather than lock himself in the basement playing video games.

If he really loved you,
he would admit to all the wrong things he has done,
but instead, he blames you for everything.

If he really loved you,
the sight of you crying would put him in pain,
but evidently it doesn't phase him,
and that's why he walks further away each time a tear falls.

If he really loved you,
he would notice how much he has hurt you,
but he continuously adds to your pain each day.

If he really loved you,
He wouldn't constantly apologize and say he won't do it again,
then instantly do it as another problem arises.

If he really loved you,
he wouldn't have thrown you against the wall,
or pinned you down onto the floor to punch you.
He wouldn't take your phone each night  
to check on who you're texting.
He wouldn't allow you to cry yourself to sleep.
He wouldn't put a gun to your head,
or a knife to your throat.

If you really loved yourself,
you wouldn't allow him to treat you like that.
But no one ever taught you to love yourself,
only to love others.
No one ever told you how you deserved to be treated,

So you allow yourself to be thrown around.

You are not a ragdoll,

You are a princess.

So hold your head high,
fix your tiara,
and smile. //

If i told you i needed help
would you listen?
Or would your silence
Echo off the walls.
See my life is like a car,
Sometimes moving fast
And other times so **** slow.
If i told you i feel hurt inside
would you not just hear
but listen
to what i said
I need someone to care.
Im tired of trying to fight alone.
Im tired of trying to survive at a table for one.
If i told you
I cry all over my body
And each tear is a knife
And they are leaving scars on my flesh,
Would you cut me a bandage,
Sop up my blood,
Or leave me to bleed out.
If i told you
I was alone and my demons are taunting me
would you get me out
Or would you keep walking
or keep scrolling...
Im not begging for attention,
But one cannot be expected to be alone and silent like a life long detention.
If i told you
I was ready to confess everything
Come clean from my secrets,
Strip myself naked so you could see my imperfections
would you care even the slightest bit
Or are you so selfish
And so ignorant
To walk on
And leave this person to die.
If i told you i was ready to die
would you blame it in cliche,
Or believe it and save me from damnation
Its time to think.
It could be up to you
This isnt just my world,
Its yours, too
and dont you want to be
somebody
To someone?
I need you.
Because all of these "if i told you's
Are becoming
**im telling you

Go ahead,
push me up against the wall
and whisper sweet nothings in my ear,
tell me all the things she wanted to hear.
Put your hands around my neck,
slam me down on our bed,
put me in the same position you put her.
Go ahead,
hurt me more than you already have.

I was never good enough for you, was I?
Don't even try to form a lie,
because if I was good enough,
you wouldn't have gone to her.
Or maybe the problem isn't me, it's you.
Maybe you just can't be satisfied?
Why are you getting so defensive?
Did I hit a nerve?
Oh, you're getting angry now,
but I fail to understand why.
If I could've contained my anger when I walked in
and saw you in our bed with her,
I'm sure you can contain yours.
I'm simply stating facts,
the truth hurts, doesn't it?

I've never wanted to hurt you,
but you've set out to hurt me.
I've forgiven you a million and one times,
yet you just slap me in the face afterwards.

How was she?
Was she good?
Was she better?
Was she worth it?

I hope she was,
because if she wasn't,
she just caused you to lose the one person who
was always there for you.
You've hurt me too many times now,
I'm done. //

           05.26.16
                 -          Poet
                             (db)

Your lips
never quite
tasted like poison,
they seemed more like alcohol,
and I didn't know
kissing them
would be dangerous,
until I died. //

               03.23.15
                     -          Poet
                                 (db)

As you stood
in front of me,
while I admired
the beauty
of the night sky.
I then realized
that the true beauty
I was admiring,
was you. //

          04.03.15
                -          Poet
                            (db)