The first thing he said was,
"Sorry, I'm not usually the type to cry,
but I loved her, I still do, I always will, forever."

No one knew what to say or even what to do,
persons came and hugged him,
but it didn't make him feel any better,
their hugs weren't going to bring her back.

"She's the love of my life, absolutely no one
will ever be able to compare to her,
but now she's gone and I'm alone again.
She always knew what to say, or what to do,
but she's not here now, so what do I do?
Everyone offers me their condolences and
I appreciate that, but it doesn't help, it really doesn't.
All it does is remind me that she's gone,
that she's never returning, that my baby is gone."

They all knew that talking to him now wouldn't help,
so they just sat there and watched him cry.
They just sat there,
wishing they could bring her back,
but knowing that they can't.

"I don't mean to be such a crybaby,
but when you lose the love of your life,
it's the worst day ever."

He walked away.

No one ever heard from him again.

He disappeared into thin air.

He didn't want to live a life without her.

So he lived a life dedicated to her. //

there are reasons
why we do the things we do.
there’s a reason
why you ignore me
when I try my hardest.
there’s a reason why
you chose to love someone else,
even when I love you so much.
there’s a reason why I play
your favorite song over and over
until I remember all the lyrics.

there’s a reason why I love you,
but you don’t love me.
there’s a reason why she plays you,
but I don’t.
there’s a reason why I may not
be the one for you.

there’s a reason for everything,
but we just don’t know it.

just like how –

there’s a reason for you in my life,
but I don’t see it until I lose you.

sometimes things are meant to happen,
and you wonder why,
but that’s just the reason.
if you want to die, don’t go hurting yourself,
just wait because eventually you will
and when you do, you would have done
something or made an impact on someone.

(and that would be your reason to live)

which is why you should stay
for that reason. // dec 29 2013

you put on your best clothes,
your makeup and everything else
that makes you feel pretty.

when you’re done,
you ‘smile’ and
take selfies.

then you realize
how sad you truly are.
all your smiles
all your laughter,
your eyes,
display sadness.

you begin to wonder where
the happiness you had have gone,
but you have no idea.
you thought you were strong,
but anything someone said about you,
made you cry
and want to die inside.

you were strong
but after everything,
and everyone who left.
you got weak. // dec 12 2013

his words are what kept her alive, they allowed her to feel comfort in the worst of times.
when he left, she then understood the meaning of the quote,
“you only miss someone/something when it’s gone.”
she never thought she would ever miss him,
because most of the time he was a complete ******* to her,
but she never thought of just how much she actually loved him.
she was in love with him, well,
with his words (something she thought was impossible).
she never believed in love,
she went through too much heartbreak,
but ever since he entered her life with his sweet, luscious words
all she could think about was how much she loved him.
she never told her friends about him, well she had no friends,
so who would she even tell?
she had no one to talk to and tell her secrets to;
over a period of time, he became that person.
she eventually gained the courage to tell some acquaintances about him,
but all they did was hate and tell her that he didn't love her
because he could never love someone like her.
‘someone like her’ what was that supposed to mean?
(she knew exactly what it meant).
it meant that he could not love a girl as ugly, boring and fat as she was.
but that was her opinion of herself, along with some other ignorant *******.
however, he never saw of her as any of that.
he saw her as a perfect, beautiful princess
who only deserved the right guy to come into her life and love her.
he was determined to be that guy for her,
he never wanted her to feel unimportant when around him
and he ensured that she felt protected at all times.
he knew what it felt like to be ill-treated and to feel out of place
and he vowed to himself that he would never make someone feel that way.
he promised to always be there for her (whether needed or not).
every night she stared at her ceiling,
asking herself whether she truly loved this guy or if this was infatuation.
‘it’s probably infatuation,’ she said to herself.
she never believed in love, and she didn't want to start now,
but somehow she couldn't help it.
there was something different about this guy,
he wasn't like everyone else, he was like no one she had ever met in her life.
but just because he’s so different,
doesn't mean that he can introduce her to love and make her believe,
does it? (she didn't think so).
everyone saw them and all they did was criticize them
about how they were not a match because he was the hot **** and she was the fat nerd.
he didn't seem to care, but she couldn't help it.
every night she prayed to a god she never thought existed
and asked him to help her get over this guy.
she couldn't deal with all the additional criticism
and she couldn't deal with the trust issues she struggled with.
throughout their entire time being together,
she couldn't find herself to fully trust him.
he was the hot guy that every girl wanted
and she was the nerd absolutely no one knew existed until now.
whenever a girl approached him and hugged him,
she would feel uneasy because she would wonder whether he would leave her for that girl.
no matter how many times he reassured her that he only loved her,
she couldn't find herself to truly believe him.
he’s not the type of guy who’s sweet.
the hot jocks are usually the jerks, not the loving, romantic ones,
but he’s different, he’s not a ****. but why would he fall for her?
she’s not even attractive. she’s nothing.
he’s everything. they aren't what would be seen as ‘fit for each other’.
he is a poet, not a very popular one, but his words are what keep her alive and they forever will. she hates the drunk who crashed into his car, killed him.
she wishes to hunt him down and cause him the excruciating pain he caused her,
but she knows it won’t be healthy.
it’s better for her to try to get over the fact that he (the love of her life) is dead.
and although that will be the most difficult thing she has ever done in her life,
she is glad his words are still alive and will continue to be to keep her intact with life. //

as I laid down, late at night
as the tears started
to flow right from my eyes
I remembered what it was like
when you would be by my side
I remembered what it was like
when you would wipe my tears away
and you'd say,
" baby, don't you cry,
    beautiful girls
       aren't allowed  to cry."
but I never listened
because I'm. not. beautiful.
so you weren't talking to me,
obviously.
and you were the reason why
I was crying anyway..
you don't know what it's like
to have your heart broken
into a million pieces
over and over again
until eventually
you feel like a corpse
in the world.
you feel like you don't
belong anywhere anymore.
you don't know what it's like
to feel as though
you've finally met the one
who'll stay by your side forever.
you don't know what it's like to think
that this person
who has entered your life
will bring the final puzzle piece
and put you back together.
but it'll take a while until you realize
that that person,
had a counterfeit.
the piece didn't fit perfectly
it was only an illusion
to fool you and it worked.
but you don't know
how that feels, do you?
well, I do
because that's all you've done to me.
I thought you were the one.
I thought I wouldn't have to
search for another guy.
but it seems as if
there might be no chance
of love for me.
or maybe I'm just too impatient
but how much longer
should I wait?
I've been waiting for what feels like
forever and I'm sick -
I'm sick and tired of waiting now.
I might as well give up
because I don't think
I'll ever truly get over you.
congratulations,
you've left your mark on me.
thank you,
for scarring me,
for life.

[June 2, 2014]