Talking to you, it feels like home again.
We're not really saying anything
But that says everything
I miss you, I'll come visit,
How have you been?
It's better than nothing
And I'll take what I can get.
It's funny how far we can come,
How much things can change
Yet you're still my comfort
It's like you never hurt me
Back to being just friends.
But, we were never just friends
So here I guess we'll begin again.

i wrote your name in the sand
pebbles embedding themselves in my feet
the water comes to eat it away
oh, this is how the ocean loves
the foam lapped at my paint chipped toes
buried like shells in the sand
washing away all my tears
oh, this is how the ocean loves
my footprints sank into wet sand
rocks drawing pinpricks of blood
leaving behind all my regret
oh, this is how the ocean loves
i dove into the waves
turning my head to the downpour
keeping my head above water
oh, this is how the ocean loves
i watched the sun
i watched the moon
glistening on star-kissed waters
oh, this is how the ocean loves

Sometimes,
Sometimes I can't sleep as horrors unforgotten slip their way through the thin veneer I have strung across a dark corner of my mind to hide these thoughts from the light of day.
On these nights,
On these nights I smoke a cigarette in shadows unbroken by the dim city lights and listen to a lonely cricket chirp and know at least we stand together in this midnight rendezvous.
In that I find peace.
Sometimes,
Sometimes I find myself unwilling to rise from my cold bed and face another strife filled day in a world full of challenge and misery that I was not asked but forced into.
Sometimes,
Sometimes I find my mind consumed by fear and hatred and anxiety inspired by a lifetime of bad decisions and worse luck in a seemingly never ending spiral of **** ups and shame.
But other times,
other times I find the smallest moments of bliss can rekindle the spirit and remember that goodness put forth will return if in nothing more than clear conscience and a light heart.
In the little things, I find peace.

"Gladly lost in the depths of you"
What depths?
How am I lost?
I'm lost in a puddle.
I'm standing ankle deep in fluff; in disappointment.
Some days, I wish things were different
Some days, I wish we were two of a kind
Some days..
But I fear loving someone just like me would be terrible.
We would be a twister; a ball of flames-- so destructive, that we would burn everyone in our wake.
We would break every bed, and smash every hope and dream our parents' had for us.
We would scream and yell and decimate each other to the brink of permanent dislocation, but never over the cliff.
My, what a cliff that would be..
We would break every bone in our bodies violently explaining how "right" one of us was, but only proving how fatally stubborn we really are.
We would ride the waves of life *******.
We would shoot up the night, and drink up the tragedies like a drunk fresh out of a failed rehab stint, as they roll over us like rock crushers-- hair of the dog that bit you; it's good for poetry, they say.
Never a dull moment for us
Never a craving
Never a quiet moment
Never left wanting more
Never a deeper sadness than what we create together

But perhaps it's a mistake wanting more than you
Perhaps you're keeping me from destruction
Perhaps your holding me back is a blessing
Perhaps I need you more than my heart realizes
Perhaps it's better this way
Perhaps I don't need to ever fall in love with someone like me
Lord knows I can't seem to love myself
What makes me think I would love my true other half?

Perfect words
&
Perfect letters
Nothing more
&
Nothing less
Perfection expected
Perfection gone
Exploding inside
&
Shaking hands
I can't be perfect
No matter how hard I try
What even is perfect anymore?
High prices shoes
&
Gaps between thighs
Because all I have is
A sick feeling in my stomach
&
Self told lies

I was trying to apply for a student credit card
But everyone kept denying me
We didn't know why.
Today I was told my identity was stolen
I wasn't too surprised
It's funny, I've been saying that I haven't felt like myself for years,
I guess I really haven't been...