I saw a predator in the bathroom mirror
or perhaps it was just confident prey

loneliness
creeps up on you
like a cold
in the midst of spring
like a rock
inside your shoe
bearable
til it starts to sting

Secrets under her skirt
crimes under her shirt
Nothing compares
to fashionable hurt

my clumsy limbs
                           held together with wet cement
              taught rubber bands
                         struggle to bind my flesh

I am but a mess of unimportant matter
another aimless being to fill the space    
unique for my twisted thoughts  
hysterically pleading with a calm face                    

speaking warped words i do not mean
         lips sealed like the lid on my boiling ***
                      dumping oppressed feeling into its contents
                                     bubbling over sweetly burning my raw skin hot

blistered I hide behind my cotton disguise
my misshapen body covered in a gruesome sweat                    
     sickening wounds throb for the sight of others                          
witness my plague of dry sobs and cigarettes                        

and so i shriek silently like my sister and father
hold my tongue saturated with sour emotion
my poorly constructed moth-eaten being
self sabotages in a desperate motion

shamefully hidden in skin
my bones are pins and needles
heart of television static
discomfort ****** upon me from first breath

take back my cage of flesh
it rusts around my soul
twists my fears into reality
trapped with my self doubt

i seek validation in your being
pray for our old infatuation
instead of this sick rivalry
who can suffer the most

wounds barley scabbed over
picked and proded until detrimental
intestines piled on cold concrete
stomach safety pinned together

rip open my world again
glide your blade peacfully through me
your weapons are welcomed
it's easier to be hurt by you
than to learn and leave

I curse alcohol whilst drunk
but return to the bottle each night
empty promises to myself
words spoken yet action avoided

I only loathe drugs when high
but every morning i itch for another hit
another blurred emotion
a charade of self respect
only presenting itself during my sinful indulgences

I'm self rightous when i return to your bed
claims of my higher standing
announced only when you lay ontop of me
every other second i spend thirsty for your attention

My thoughts chant lies when guilty
repeating the exaggeration of my worth
******* speeches to myself
calms my hypocritical nerves

My concious is trying to save me from my own judgement
creating temporary insight to make me feel adequate
but thoughts are not real words let alone real actions
they count for nothing
only fulfilling my own desire to feel worth more than i am

I still feel your ghost
haunting my weaken lungs
who can avoid each other the most
suffocating when I see you swapping tongues