curiosity*
the pull to see
builds up , conjures
as my mind is reminded of thee

but strength shall prevail
in this sad, lonely tale
where i force my hand
away from another heartache fail

for the need to know
about your to and fro
dents the progress
that has returned my daily glow

so i'll claim this small vicotry
while preserving my dignity
banishing your feeds
and ignoring your activity

i find myself following our old footsteps
almost subconsciously
letting memories make decisions
leading the way through lingering thoughts of you

while they may be seemingly mundane
they are increasingly significant
for it is not just a choice to order miso soup
or to venture down the scenic route
to our old curry house
where the spice would bring tears to my eyes
a prelude to the damp ducts that were soon to follow

now that the streams have dried up off my face
i take joy in the journeys in which i place my stride beside your fading footsteps
painting our memories in the vivid colours of yesteryear
as opposed to tainting them with the disjoint of yesterday

i will continue to do all the things that we did, albeit alone
for it is now as much part of me
as the bones that support me
and the heart that pumps my blood
slightly aching when a thought of you lingers slightly
but an ache diminishing with each passing day

you changed me,
you probably didn't even realise it
as you were papering the cracks in the fibre of my being
allowing me to grow as a person, a partner, a lover

so i will ride my bike down the mountains from which our love fell
down the steep cliff faces from which it never recovered
and i will mimic the thoughts in my head
through words on the cloud, as you did
sharing
caring
remembering
not least you
and the way we were
in one of the best times of my life

my heart has been touched
many a time
but my soul
   ah, my soul
that
remains virginal.

a chunk of time that i can't reminisce
for it takes me back to that precipice
a trapeze act without a net
a balance born between hope and regret

the truth of the matter, the one you can't conceal
an empty mind may wander and reel
so in time i hope, sans focus
my mind only wanders along a positive locus

my mind stirs
as the sun rises and my dreams set
forgetting the unicorns and fairies
instead reminiscent with yesterday's regret

i set sail down the slaloming road
another day, that daily grind
where each bend is an opportunity
to map the mess which is my mangled mind

placing the ifs, buts and maybes
with the whats, hows and whys
where the tears drip off the steering wheel
and into my drowning thighs

my mind is clouded now
tainted with disdain
i don't remember anything
except a construct of pain

it is in this lonely place
between A and B
where i have no strength to conquer
the perpetual melancholy