in your world, i was always two steps behind,
dragging my feet to heartbeat of time,
praying to God for the days where you would finally
emotionally be Mine,
unanswered prayers without any signs.
in your world, love is equated to a dime
where you punch in at three then you're clocked out by nine
not another wasted moment or another spared rhyme
a lack of consideration to ease your guilty mind
and no accountability for the reality you brought to life
in your world, loving people is like sharpening knives.
in your world, it was always black and white
it was always my problem, i started the fights
but if you were honest there'd be no fight to be won
no sleepless nights or restless songs
of dreaming of escaping with somebody new
into their world where everything was true
or songs of wanting to fade away
into blackness, never to see another day
maybe you didn't mean it and i'll probably never know
because the world that you live in is discarded and thrown
so far into delusion i can't bear to keep up
one more moment of your failed attempts at trust.
because in your world, i was the solution
and also the problem, the one you kept choosing
i could never keep up with how much you were moving
between loving me then hating me then rendering me useless
and you never had to say it, although you did a couple times
because the hatred you had for me
was sown into your eyes
no amount of apologies i said ever changed
the feeling i may have given you that day
but i suffered the bigger picture and tried to rearrange
myself into a woman you could never dream to replace
now through my repairing heart i must face
how big a mistake that was one to make.
in your world you were happy
without someone there
and i made my way in without a care
i thought you wanted genuine love
to create something of life, like all people dream of
but i couldn't find the light in your eyes
the more i dug and the more i tried
i found more darkness than ever before
even my fingertips got bloodied and sore
from digging myself further into holes,
abandoning everything i had ever known,
your hidden opinions taking a toll on my soul.
when i left your world
i was a stranger
nothing different from the eminent danger
that lurked outside your comforting house
"an unattended woman, ready to pounce"
on another unsuspecting victim, yet you still can't see
the unsuspecting victim has always been me.
you chose to unravel the nature of 'We'
by intimacy with others, yet you still blame me.
Me. the girl who escaped your world,
who had loved you endlessly, who would constantly whirl
in emotions that you could never eat,
every attempt at your understanding was your personal defeat.
when i left your world
i took one last look at your bedroom when we'd come to meet;
detached all memories from my mind
wiped the slate entirely clean
and gave all of my love back to Me.
returning to the pen after years of my emotions going numb.