i'm gonna wade into the river tonight
feel the current sweep me off my feet
the water will tell me how i should see
i won't even try, won't put up a fight
because i can't keep you to me any other way
you're gone before my eyes
and my legs are already beginning to sway
but please tell me before i go any deeper
if you were here would you try and stop me?
and because it's the right thing to do
or because i was all you could see
it's cold and my hands are all twisted
but i can't even think of me
just where i want to be

You've tasted the good parts of me and spit them out.
They were of no use anymore and
all you left me with was this black area that I tip-toe around.
I put on makeup, band aids, gauze and wrap,
but I'm always so careful not to touch it.
It makes me flinch with searing pain;
it would crumble my soul again with just a deep look in.
That soul I fought so **** hard to save,
but yet here I am:
staring
gazing
into the mirror all along the jagged edges of this hole.
I trace the mirror reflection of it with my fingers.
My angry fingers, bruised, red, cracked...
Fingers that would have never looked good in a ring from you.
Maybe just for tonight,
"Just for tonight." would be what an addict would say, I think with a laugh.
But maybe just for tonight, I'll dip in.
So I shut off my phone with sad, angry fingers
that would have never been beautiful.
I was beyond ready to be swallowed up.
Taking my ring finger,
the finger a ring would have lost shine to be on if someone had ever seen me that way,
and dip it in the liquid black abyss.

I thought you loved me, i thought you cared..
But the truth is, you were just to scared.
This is the reality, i guess, it wasn't meant to be.
But i guess that's not what fate had planned for me.
It hurts to know, how i felt was never returned, that it was all fake.
I guess my smile will always be hard to make.

A dreamer with her heart in the sky.
To bad, soon she will always long to die.
You see this dream i have inside, it will soon all fade.
And the consequences will be present for the actions I've made.
Just give it a chance, i thought..
But it was to late and we fought.

I thought this would be the reason never to cut again, but i was wrong.
This is why Depression has once again come to sing its evil song..
A slice of a blade, a swallow of pills.
This Depression is a monster and it kills.
I thought i would be alright.
I thought this would make my life bright..

A single pill to sleep the night away.
A handful to never see the light of day.
I thought i could control it, the monster inside me.
But guess what, he is finally free..
A single cut, and how does the blood flow..
All around the edges start to glow.

Another to ease the pain of whats hidden inside..
I wonder, who would care if i had died?
Love is a trick of the mind, an imbalance, a rush.
The way the look at you is perfect, when you have a crush.
Well, its all a lie.
I thought he would never make me cry...

I thought if i wrote a letter...
Maybe someone would see and it would all get better.
But they didn't notice me.
They believed the smile, they saw what i wanted them to see..
They never saw the artwork i made with them in mind..
They didn't say it was beautiful, how unkind.

So, one last day to pretend..
I'm sorry to all those who thought i was a good friend.
The last piece of artwork will cover my wrist.
So long world, you will be missed..
If you knew this was my final goodbye..
I wonder, would you cry?

I thought i could handle this.
I thought i could live without your kiss.
I thought i was enough for you to love.
I thought it would be better to float with the angels above..
I though you would cry...
I thought it was time to say goodbye...

negative words cut into me
they leave their wounds

old cuts flare up now and then
I hear the world screaming
I am not good enough,
even when I am the only person around

the negative voices in my head
are slowly quelled by the daily spiritual path
based on love and service,
and each subtle damage is being transformed
to scars that teach