i always knew you were the one

from the first stolen glance

until the day you left with my heart

years cannot blur the image of your smile

or lessen the warmth i felt in your arms

i will always long for you

even though its hopeless

I loved with grand passion
and lost with grander shame

Only those that burn with me
will know such pain

It is so easy to get angry these days
Especially when my mind is in a haze
I don't wish to be like this
I know that there is something amiss

I enjoy most aspects of my life
Although I am nearing my trife
Hardships come and hardships go
They always say you reap what you sow

I am lazy and full of shame
I really am only to blame
My actions and words are often dumb
So I may as well just **** my thumb

I have no dreams or aspirations
I only desire a long vacation
To move to a place far far away
Where I may look at the trees every day

Never to worry about money or fame
I would extinguish this screaming flame
My life now begins with me
I only wish that I could flee

•

You are a really good fisherman,



And I am just but a foolish fish,




                                                       ­                      Preposterously bitten your hook,
                                                    With your bait of feigned love attached to it,
  



                                   Piercing it all the way to my heart,


                  Leaving me wounded with all of those prevaricates I've fell for,


But I don't know why,

                            I still love the feeling,

                                         That you've been jumping in gladness,

                                             That you've finally caught me,



Even though I was hardly breathing,

               'Cause you've taken  me away from the place,

                                  That makes me breathe and gives me joy.


                                 It somehow gives me relief,

                 Seeing the auspicious sun,

Brightly gleaming into my beautiful scales,

Not knowing it was just a start of a baleful Gehenna!




                    I should've known all along that it's just an entice!




                              But I am still blessed,


           'Cause I have manage to escape,

                                While damaging and harming myself in the process,


From the jailhouse that you've locked me in.




                                                      ­From then on,


              You've learned a lesson,


  

And use NET instead.



                       © Earl Jane
                         ♥ E.J.C.S.

The story of my life.
HE tells me I'm so smart, beautiful. Will make "some man very happy someday."
"Why not you?", I would think to myself.
We would have the most intense, heart-revealing conversations about life & friendship & loyalty & happiness... but it was just to prepare HIM for someone else (who didn't quite fit "our" description, but mostly...)
Years would pass, even a decade...a phone call, text, email from HIM to let me know the relationship has failed & 'how have I been doing?'
"I'm fine", I'd reply. "Nothing's really changed for me. Still single. Still hate my job. Still living at home." (Mentally grasping at straws for something more interesting or exciting to share, but coming up with nothing)
The conversation theoretically should have been short (because I'm boring) but "we" would talk for hours, about everything. Reminiscing about the past, what could've been.. revealing HIS secret thoughts or feelings that HE once had, "but was too afraid to tell me."
I'd be inwardly proud, validated by the confession & then later, when the conversation was long over: angry, depressed, disappointed, self-loathing. "Why did HE always do this to me? What was wrong with me, that he didn't choose me instead? What good does this information do me now? It's too late."
I'd lie to myself that I'm glad HE didn't pick me, because I wouldn't want to be the one going through the heartache of failure. I'd tell myself I'm happier being single. Cry myself to sleep & then mentally block out that the conversation ever happened with HIM to avoid the pain.

HE should've loved me first, but HE didn't.

The night sky is so alluring
There is a subtle attraction
Stars hold our gaze tonight
As lovers hearts come closer
Fine strings from the moon
And the shimmering veil
Decorate the landscape
Waves of silver light
Resonates with hearts upheaval
Night’s bring out the beauty
With closed eyes, we see the universe
Love stops at this confluence
Hearts slowly drowning in love

I beg you please don't leave me
I beseech you please don't go
I simply can't wipe our slate clean
Make our memories cease to show
why won't you let me touch you
as you head out the door?
just a hug, a ****** stroke
just that and nothing more
Is the blame on me?
What is it I've done wrong?
Pray, tell me what I've done
so the guilt eats me not whole
You say there's someone else
Why cheat while our love seemed strong?
and then you dropped the bomb on me;
I've ben the other woman all along